I must be really weird..

[undergroundpanther]

With all this talk of bi phobia,and whether Bi and trans people should be part of the gay movement... It got me thinking..There are other spectrums that go beyond GBL or T..Like me for instance....

Y'all know I am transgender, A male androgyny.Secondly I consider myself bi because I like people,notice I said people not plumbing.I am feline because I don't identify as human,a fur but not like a fetish kind of furry, it's an identity thing..
And on top of all that..I am asexual. Is there a definition for this? I'd hate to see the Acronym..TMABFFA???

Gender? WTF is that to me? What does gender matter to me? Nuthin. Sexual plumbing? So? Everyone's got something down there of some sort if they didn't how would they pee,that would be a helluva problem...So,sex organs to me are like arms,shoulder blades, toes or noses to me.They are body parts.

They hold no special significance to me.Maybe because I have no sex drive. Never have had one. . I don't understand "fantasy"either,or fetish,or "roles". I can imagine stuff in my mind and it's usually artistic psychedelic stuff.I can take myself on some kick ass head trips.I can make myself hallucinate. People say when I describe my imagination to them it's like they trip without drugs.That always makes me laugh.

Sex and the big hoo hah over it is well.. alien to me. It really holds no special fascination to me. Sometimes people get insulted by this,disbelieve me,or they consider me really messed up or some prude. They don't understand me at all because they can't pigeonhole me...Porn is boring to me,it's got bad acting and it's the same thing over and over. Sex is rather mechanical,boring too.I once as an experiment,tried to imagine what a "sexual fantasy" might be like, and it became some artistic idea in about 3 minutes.When I like someone,it never looks like porn, or sexual stuff like other people have described what their fantasies are like to me....mine always ends up psychedelic art..I have orgasms I am not frigid,I have to pretend my body is different to do it, but it can occur with alot of mental effort on my part,that intense imagination helps but also it kinda renders me less participatory.More detached.Some people get confused by this..To me orgasms are the little seizure like things,just a body function,no more exciting than blowing my nose.

This is because it's always the same thing..do it once, why need I bother with it again? yeah it does release tension in the body. I use it for that. But it's no different than a hot bath or something like that and a hot bath is less work.
It's the same old seizure thing.woo woo. But for me every conversation is different and every adventure is different.
Like I said I am weird.

For me I fall in love the asexual way, with the mind the heart the soul of the person. I get into who they are,and for me their body disappears,and my body dissapears..I get lost in the conversation, creating art,dancing, running around outside,goofing off,adventures,basically playfulness, mutual exploration of each others person hood.

Sex never occurs to me as something to do on my own. I don't initiate it it just never occurs to me to do it because there are so many other things to do that are more fun.It does occur to them tho. So I indulge them with it because It does something for them,it's because I empathize,yet I don't understand it myself..I enjoy the touching the closeness.The intimacy,the silliness .The journey shared.

Fade into You..
Mazzy Star
I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath thats true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with whats not there.

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think its strange you never knew

A strangers light comes on slowly
A strangers heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think its strange you never knew

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think its strange you never knew
I think its strange you never knew


Anyone else weird too?

[TomInTib]

1. One beautiful post, Damn, undergroundpanther..

That shook me to my very core.

And I am one hard-dick hetero mofo.

That was/is just absolutely bold, beautiful, and insightful.

I will keep this post forever.

Thank you.

Tom

[undergroundpanther]

3. Awww..

Thanks..

I am just trying to explain what my perceptions are.Cause alot of the time..I shift and change I don't have an identity really..I know what I like tho and for me, it is something deeper than sex or identity,..something that is well...in the ethereal aspect of the "sacred person hood" A precious beautiful thing that very few people ever let anyone see but so desperately want to share and engage with... Because I think that's what love really is anyway..(at least for me) after you strip away the psychological baggage, the social conditioning, the bodily stuff..

It's two or more spirits dancing in an adventure they make up as they go along living together,they are writing their own soundtracks of memories they both compose and can play in their heads over and over like a cherished CD,even after they part ways. To laugh again and again and build more into it as if it is endless art....

[TomInTib]

4. It ain't the body stuff that counts

I awoke this morning and then drifted right back away (my favorite place). In my nirvanic dream, my partner - my sweetheart - and I were attempting to match a wonderfully tiled tabletop to a black steel base.

So we all join hands and dance..
and dance.

And those two all-too-close notes whisper out one fine harmonic.

Damn, I hope folks here read your original post.

[undergroundpanther]

5. Bet that was a trip

So many tiles out there and bases to see pretty pretty! Bet it was fun! I am tiling a table.

I bought a few stone tiles in black and speckled granite Lowe's was selling them at &2.59 apiece..I smashed them polished side down on a pillow with a ball peen hammer and it made the edges rough,and it shattered it kinda like how glass does in a web pattern because of the way I hit it.
So I am doing this nifty web design, in the two kinds of stone in a checkerboard ,with a pentacle done in mirrors worked into it,variegated white black and grey grout swirled in ,it's a six sided coffee table I got at goodwill,it was ugly as crap,doofus flowers on the doors too, but it was six sided COOL!..So I painted it black with raised lions that I sculpted out of fake wood,on it done them in silver colored leaf and silver Pearl Ex powder for shading on the sides and doors,so it looks like the lions are coming at you out of the blackness, and swarvorski AB crystal eyes.Gotta add the sparkle.heh...

[Kiouni]

2. great post

have your read "Eleven Minutes" by palo coeholo?

the description doesn't do it justice but it will speak to your soul.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9780060589288&itm=1

[sui generis]

6. yeah - isn't it the most ironic thing

that in a society where the mechanics of sex are utterly verboten in public, where Janet Jackson's nipple metallurgy causes national outrage, that we believe we can judge someone based on something we have so heavily abstracted into the privacy of the bedroom: sex.

What is asexual? What is bisexual? What is hetero or homo sexual? Do we ever make anyone prove what they do with their gonads? Maybe a regular state inspection and certificate? Just to be sure you're still asexual/straight/gay/whatever.

It just seems like the most absurd thing; kind of like trying to judge someone or discriminate against them because of what technique they use to wipe their ass? That's just as abstract.

We don't have the north-southers trying to keep the south-northers from marrying. We don't have the wadders who occasionally fold or folders who occasionally wad claiming that you have to be either a wadder or a folder or else you're being dishonest with yourself.

And don't get me started on those perverted bidet parties.

I mean really. What the hell business is ASS WIPING, or sex, or the arrangement of someone's gonads or what they do or don't do with them; what the hell should that matter to anyone? Why did they pick sex instead of Dark Secrets of Personal Hygiene to judge people by?

It's all abstract and meaningless to ordinary people in public going on about their lives.

[readmoreoften]

7. I'm totally bi toilet-paper-roll-direction.

The sheets can roll up or down, either way is cool with me.

I also like chocolate and vanilla. But not strawberry or pistachio. Strawberry and pistachio is for freaks.

Carbohydrates. I tried to live without them but I couldn't. I now eat both protein and carbohydrates.

My eyes are blue and I date someone with green eyes. Is that wrong? I hope you don't think so.

Frankly, I think that women who don't menstruate by 13 should have to wear a badge. I wouldn't want a woman like that around my kids. I heard that if you don't get your period young enough, you can make boys menstruate. My pastor said so.

[Jamastiene]

8. I consider myself to be transgendered, but

mostly just a women who falls deeply in love with women emotionally all too often. Oftentimes, someone asks me if I saw that woman's rear end or other body parts and I say, "No, I saw her face though. Weren't her eyes pretty?" I usually get a really nasty look like I committed some sort of major faux pas. :shrug: I fall in love with women based on their charisma and their eyes and their smile, THEN later I may notice their body. I guess I am weird too, in a way.:shrug:

[Rowdyboy]

9. You're not required to be "into" sex...I am big time, but my partner is...

slightly less obsessed. That doesn't make either of us (or you for that matter) wrong. You are who you are (from your writing I'd say you were a very sensitive person who I'd probably like).

My only suggestion would be to be careful to find a truly compatible life-partner. Sex is a very powerful force for most people so be careful. I've had several friends who were asexual and they were wonderful, interesting, thoughtful people-they just weren't driven by sexual desire. Nothing wrong with that.

I offer you congratulations for avoiding the HIDEOUS problems my sexuality has caused me over the years. However, I have no regrets because I've come to terms with myself and my sexuality (AT LAST) and I'm finally at peace.

The only thing that matters is that you're comfortable with who you are. If so, you're on target. If not, work on it.