I have waited a long time..my wish is coming true!!

undergroundpanther

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Thu Jan-18-07 02:33 AM
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I have waited a long time..my wish is coming true!!

Tomorrow mom and I are going to get funds for my male chest reconstruction and send it to the doctor.. I am so blown away.. possibly this april the breasts that have tormented me since I was 10-11 will be gone FOREVER!!!. :nuke: :nuke:

I will pass as a guy because I already do pass pretty often if my coat disguises my chest well enough. I have an army jacket that I covered with a tigers face with stripes blending into tribals,and it hides my chest pretty well because it's over-sized. But in the summer I am shit outta luck and I was dreading summer really bad this year..Because of my spine problems I cannot bind anymore , like I got by with last summer, wearing a leather biker vest over my big teeshirts covered it most of the time. It's good my back doc said I need to get these boobs reduced,my therapist agrees I need this operation, so it's gonna happen and I couldn't be more psyched .

Mom and I have talked about my gender issues for my whole life.
My roommate mike remembered me telling him I wasn't a girl in middle school. He said he knew I wasn't a girl when he met me in second grade..Mom knows how I feel she has seen my frustration and despair,ever since I developed. She still has her fears about the physical risk that goes with every operation, and all.. but she has decided to help me.

I am so excited about this whole process I can't friggin sleep. I am so glad, I am looking forward to after the scars heal up and the way it will be, as it should have been. I won't ever have to bind again, I won't feel awkward and uncomfortable all the time.I won't be pounding my boobs out of frustration because of the conflict over my gender. I can be more at peace inside with my outside matching up better.. Getting a hysterectomy several years ago profoundly effected my sanity in a good way.I felt a calmness after that operation, that has not left me, even on bad days the intensity of my anger and frustration with being in this body has not gotten as bad as when I had a uterus.I have no regrets.. the male chest reconstruction will help alot, I think it will help me feel even more at peace with my outside inside.

All I can say it RrrrAwwwRRRArr!! Yessssss!!!!
:woohoo:
Here to Stay

when innocent and just a small child
without question you knew who you were
by intolerance you were not yet defiled
and proclaimed to be son, or a daughter

then after you passed the "cute" stage
did you learn of the rules and your role
that's when they told you, "at your age
you know not what's real in your soul"

through the years they continued to rail
"wear that!" and "you can't play with this"
and of your real self you could not avail
you were admonished if ever remiss

their teachings made you question yourself
you began to believe this would end
your feelings you put on some dark shelf
to the role of your birth sex you'd tend

but the person that lived in your body
and directed your heart, soul and mind
would never really relent and agree
and was determined to not be maligned

whether you hide or fight or deny
and despite your best efforts to obey
no matter how many tears you may cry
only the real you is here to stay

Michael Uno 2

http://www.lauras-playground.com/tgpoetry_mu2