One of my best, and nicest students is a raving homophobe

[dsc]

It really can be bracing when you find that out about someone. He is one of these very country boys who was raised to be one, I am sure. But it was still quite a shock to actually hear it from his mouth.

We were standing waiting for a special homeroom period when he and a friend of his were discussing the good and bad side of being a male cheerleader. I have no idea where that came from but the downside included everyone thinks you are gay. I then said well being gay isn't a crime, you know. To which he said it should be.

It really is scary how far we still have to go. This kid is a nice kid and goes to a racially mixed school. At least one student said it was stupid for it to be against the law (I told him it was until a couple of years ago). I am afraid I can't think of him the same way again though I am a very fair grader so he will get what he earns.

I just hope when he goes to college he will learn the errors of his ways.

[4morewars]

1. Sounds like you missed an opportunity...

to educate him in something other than what you normally teach. Perhaps you will get another chance ?

[dsc]

3. I am in a precarious position

I am a first year, non tenured teacher, in a state where I just moved. I did, and intend to continue, to point out the wrongness of his position if it comes up again, but I can't be out due to the high probability I would be fired.

[grumpy old fart]

6. Couch it in terms of race, and you may be able to make the point and keep

the job. Something along the lines of, "Isn't it a shame, wrong, when folks judge people on the color of their skin and not the content of their character?" And just leave it at that. It'll sink in. It's not direct, but it makes the point.

[dsc]

8. True

The last time something like this came up it was gay marriage and I pointed out that in my lifetime it was illegal to marry interracially. That seemed to get some message across.

[4morewars]

12. I understand.

Sometimes it's best to bite one's tongue, especially in this political climate. Not only might you be fired, it could actually be fatal ! Better days are coming dsc, it just may be a while.

[Neoma]

2. That sucks!

[Jamastiene]

4. Depends on the college

The college I go to is harrassing me to death for being gay, although I have to admit I have a crush on a homophobic teacher. I wish it would go away. She doesn't act like she hates me. She just acts like she wishes I would disappear. She's only nice to me when someone else is around. The rest of the time she acts like she hates me. Why can't I have any gay teachers? Then again, I would still only be allowed to dream for a minute or two before the reality of I'm always going to be alone sets back in...Sorry your student is a homophobe, but I'm in the reverse situation. Homophobic teacher, gay student with innocent crush. :(

[dsc]

5. That too will pass

Just a word of advice in regards to dating teachers, it is a bad idea. You will find a nice young lady your own age soon enough. THe harassment though is unusual for a college. You might, if you are able to, look into transfering. Most larger, state schools have active gay communities.

[Jamastiene]

7. She is my age

or close. I'm in my late 30's, and she is in her early 40's. Trust me, in this state, the harrassment will be there waiting for me wherever I go. I'm in the south, in NC. And I won't find someone soon at all. You can trust ME on that one. I know from experience that it is rare for me to find anyone, much less be lucky enough that they actually like me.

[dsc]

9. I am in NC too

and supposedly, though I don't have first hand knowledge, both ECU and State have active gay communties.

[Jamastiene]

10. I'm down here in Rockingham

For now, it is too far away to even attempt to make that distance for classes. I couldn't afford to live in Raleigh. Unfortunately, I am just plain doomed.

[dsc]

13. Can anyone afford to live in Raleigh?

I am around an hour from Raleigh and about the same from ECU. I admit to ignorance about where Rockingham is. I hope you are close to either Charolette, Ashville, or Winston Salem as those seem to be the decent gay places in Carolina.

[Jamastiene]

18. 2 hours away from

Charlotte. A lot longer from the others. It' right on the NC/SC line and it's closer to the middle, east of Charlotte. I don't want to end up stuck with rednecks and no matter where I go in NC it will be more of the same, I fear.

[BR_Parkway]

34. UNC-A and ASU are both very diverse, WCU has a large population

of boys in the closet (as was my partner when he went there), don't know about the ladies.

Most of the larger cities in NC are much better than they were 10 years ago, but the small towns certainly do have a way to go.

[Jamastiene]

39. I think even the larger cities here in NC

have a way to go. Getting people to deal with gay issues much less a possible ftm trans issue is like pulling teeth. I will keep what you said in mind though. Thanks.

[grumpy old fart]

11. Unrequited love is always difficult. Straight or gay.

Although the situation is exacerbated by the gay/straight issue, it's still an age old story. You've heard this a million times, but you will find love one day. Just when you least expect it.

[Jamastiene]

14. You are wrong on that one.

I know it from first hand experience and from experiencing it for too long. No one will want me later either. I am just too messed up. I AM doomed. I have tried too hard for too long. I don't have anything left to give. It's not even possible.

[dsc]

15. No one is doomed

Trust us on that. I am going to a forum on marriage equality tomorrow and hope to meet someone there. There are people everywhere to meet.

[Jamastiene]

16. Good for you

I'm sure you'll meet someone, but there is no one who will like me that I like. Right now, I'm being harrassed by a guy in class and I have no rights whatsoever to say no to him. I can meet a million people, but if none of them like me, I AM doomed. You are wrong. That lying preacher in Charlotte said the same thing about getting to meet someone for me, then this old guy shows up and starts touching me in class and putting his arms around me and making me feel like I am being molested. I have no rights at Richmond Community College. The weird thing was though. That teacher acted like she liked me to begin with, winking and all. She got pretty heavy with it then started with the homophobic statements. In other words, she got me interested then got really cold toward me.

[readmoreoften]

19. JESUS... get out! What is holding you in this area?

I grew up in a town with no females(or single ones anyhow) I had to travel an hour to reach the closest city and you just can't meet people that way. I was lonely until I met the love of my life at 32, so don't give up... but I had to move to another state (one with more queers) to find her.

What's holding you in that town? Move. You're in a terrible situation there. You can find a job in a larger city and you will find a life and someone to love. The worse thing that can happen is you return. Seriously, you're in a homophobic small town with no dykes and a man who is molesting you.

Get over your fear and get out.

[Jamastiene]

20. $$$

jobs are scarce and all minimum wage or lower. It costs to move and I have responsibilities, a sick relative I have to take care of. Her check is supporting us, barely, and if I do get work, I won't be able to watch her. You haven't a clue. I wished to get out years ago, but that hope has long since faded. I am virtually dead inside now to hope. I won't let myself have something that is false again like that. It's not worth it.

[mitchtv]

24. Oh honey don't talk like that

get your ass on a Greyhound or SW airways and fly to California and start a new life. When I win the Lotto I intend to start a foundation to help gays leave their hateful surroundings and move to more welcoming environments. I love you as a member of our persecuted community. Ps you can always start over in Vegas, too. But you will meet some nice girls in LA,or SF or NY NY. Do it

[Jamastiene]

25. Greyhounds cost money too

And where would I stay. $1050 a month is all I live off of now. You tell me how and I'll find a way, but one thing is for sure. I am not giving up my cats. They stay with me. They are there for me and they are the only ones who have been. Until this message from you it has been more and more rejection from the gay community. Or preaching. ALL of the local gay organizations send you to preachers who feed more of the same God loves you but wants you to be alone crap which doesn't help. How am I supposed to feel hopeful when the one group that is supposed to welcome me disses me so much of the time?

[mitchtv]

26. I shared a ride I found in the classified when I came to California

with my wolfdog. I was 22 y/o ; I had a few hundred dollars, I think.It can be done. I worked as a temp clerk for BoA stayed in a fleabag hotel the first night cause of the big dog. I found my add in the Villiage Voice. You got wheels? can you deliver a camper cross country? there is a company that does that.You would love Palm Springs when the Dinah Shore LPGA is in town. What's the worst that can happen? you go back to Bumfuck NC. A girl's gotta do what a girl hasta do.

[Jamastiene]

27. What if I am still just

a reject there too and it costs so much more to live there. I wish I could go for a week and check the place out and learn about it more. I want a chance to survive once I get there. I don't want to have to come back here. The reason I am trying so hard in college is so that I can get a job making enough money to be able to support myself. Maybe then I could move, but it's killing me in the process. I wish I knew how to get a mail order bride. As bad as that idea is, I'd take it. Hey, either she'd like me or not. I need a sex change operation more than anything. I think I do any how. My therapist won't even acknowledge that sex change operations are genuine mental health issues. I think I am really a FTM. That's why I am attracted to straight women so much of the time.

[AlienGirl]

28. Getting Unstuck

It can be really hard to be stuck in a narrow little place. It also sounds to me like you're experiencing depression--do you have health coverage of any kind? Even if they aren't ideal, a short course of antidepressants can help people with situational depression get the energy to find a way out.

I'd like to suggest moving to Seattle. :-) If you want to check it out for a week, DUmail me and I'll see if I can arrange crash-space with me or one of my friends.

Seattle has an active gay community and the cost of living is mostly offset by the wages (grocery clerks start around $7.50-$8.00 here at non-union stores). A studio apartment in my complex is $600/month and they allow cats.

Would you consider transferring colleges?

Tucker

[foreigncorrespondent]

21. The constant negativity...

...won't be helping your situation any.

I mean, you are constantly putting yourself down, and for a lot of people male and female, that can be a major turn OFF.

I thought I would never meet anyone who would want me either. I have a weight issue. I am not overly obese, but I am obese. Yet, I have been in a relationship with the most wonderful woman for the last five years.

Try projecting yourself in a possitive way, and things might change for you.

I wish you luck!

[Jamastiene]

22. I tried being positive for ages

but it ended up putting me in a situation where I became a target and pretty much all of the people just started putting me down and humiliating me. Now I've just decided to agree with everyone that those things are the truth. Thanks for the kind thoughts, but I still think you don't know my situation well enough to understand why it is impossible for me. Thanks for the good luck wish. I sure believe I have the worst luck of anyone. Dead wouldn't even be worse than this situation.

[AlienGirl]

29. Here are some links...

http://craigslist.seattle.com (housing links there)

http://www.evergreen.edu (my alma mater, coolest college ever!)

http://www.thestranger.com local paper

http://www.northwestclassifieds.com local ads

[Jamastiene]

30. Thanks

I don't know if I can even get any of these sorry therapists around here to give me an antidepressant. I've been asking my therapist for months and she keeps talking about "God". I've heard everything they have to say on the subject (Hate the sin, love the sinner, prepare to live life alone yadda yadda yadda). I usually go into overdrive in my brain when they start in on me with that stuff just wishing I was in an orgy instead. I appreciate the links and especially the no bullshit reply to me. You sound like you're pretty cool. Wish I knew more people like you.

[AlienGirl]

31. Therapists don't prescribe

Any MD can prescribe an antidepressant, but your best bet is a psychiatrist (MD specializing in brain chemistry). If your therapist is being non-helpful, shop around--even podunk little towns will usually have at least one good head-person.

Are you anywhere near a medium-size or larger city? There are usually better resources there.

(Subliminable message: Seattle is nice, Seattle is fun, there are lots of DUers here, and lots of things to do!)

Tucker

[Jamastiene]

32. LOL

(You don't need to convince me Seattle is great. One of my all time heroes was based in Seattle, Kurt Cobain...Yes, I'm a die hard punk fan and Seattle is definitely on my list of possible new homes in the future. Seattle kicks ass :hug:)

I will definitely ask about the antidepressant meds when I go to my md later in April. I don't have insurance, so I'll have to wait until it is time to go get my prescription refilled for Hypertension. I wish I knew how to get xanax. At least I think that is the one. I have a lot of anxiety too.
:yourock:

[UncleSepp]

33. Hey friend :-)

Jamastiene, I'm a friend of Aliengirl's up here in Seattle. Dead serious about this, if you need to get out, consider the underground railroad open and waiting. I am struggling with gender right now too, so I feel very deeply for you. Just let us know, k?

[Jamastiene]

40. Thanks

I appreciate that. It's hard enough to get people to understand gay issues much less trans issues. I wish I could keep in touch with both of you and keep my head above water long enough to save up and finally make my escape maybe within the next couple of years. Hopefully.

[AlienGirl]

41. Please do keep in touch!

Why wait a couple of years? Apply for admission at Evergreen; their computer science program is pretty good.

Tucker

[ladeuxiemevoiture]

42. Living in an oppressive environment can lead to bad things

I know. I grew up in an oppressively homophobic small town in the Midwest. I remember I was a very sad, lonely kid.

The best thing I ever did was move away.

I moved to New York 10 years ago, in similar financial circumstances, and landed right on my feet with hardly any glitch at all. You just have to be willing to think outside the box. Like, ok, I can't afford Manhattan, but I can afford New Jersey. Stuff like that.

[readmoreoften]

44. Private message me and I'll try to drum up help for you...

My partner's a TG butch considering surgery. He's also a punk trannyboy from Bumfuck, Texas and now goes to school in NYC. This is my suggestion to you.

Idea A: My first thought...

(1) Save as much money as possible.
(2) Find a cat-friendly queer household in Brooklyn, Queens, or New Jersey.
(3) Take any job you can get, meanwhile become a NY Resident. After a year apply to one of the MANY city colleges in NY.
(4) The "Gay Center" has non-stop meetings on every topic under the sun including trans issues of every stripe.

Idea B: the Better Idea....

(1) Save as much money as possible.
(2) Private Message me your email and I'll see if the trannyboy crew in Austin, Texas can't help you find a way to relocate. Austin is animal friendly, way cheap, and has a fantastic community college. There is an enormous queer/arts community and people are incredible patient and friendly. You will find friend in Austin.

A nice one-bedroom apartment in Austin, Texas is $500. You can get a studio for less. You can rent a room for $350. Most places only require a $200 deposit and no 'first month's rent and last months rent upfront'. You may need to pay an upfront fee of about $200-$250 or so for a cat deposit.

Private message me if you want more help.

Hang in there...

[AlienGirl]

35. Xanax is an anti-anxiety med

Usually, for someone with depression and anxiety, they'll use Paxil first--it's an SSRI with some anti-anxiety properties. Xanax is good for interrupting panic once it starts; so is Klonopin.

:yourock: too...PM me or AuntJen anytime you need to talk!

BTW what's your major?

Tucker

[Jamastiene]

38. Electrical Electronics Technology

for now, but I want to get into computers and get an actual degree. The one I am in now is a diploma level program. I already have 2 other diplomas. A degree might get a decent job elsewhere and get me the fuck outta here. Know what I mean. Thanks for the info. I'd love to keep in touch.

[roguevalley]

17. its the last socially acceptable prejudice. Fag is the new nigger.

God I hate both those words. Growing up, I heard it all the time. It was the way it was. Then the mood changed and it almost died out. I wish it had. Gay is the same way. It has to take a mood change. I hope I live to see it.

[dsc]

23. sad but true

Even as we keep our eyes on the progress we have made we get dragged back by events from time to time.

[Stealther]

36. To be transgendered is worse

(As one, I feel qualified to make that statement)

Gays and Lesbians appear on TV shows all the time. Bisexuals get some trouble, but mostly are accepted.

Whenever I see a Transgendered/Transsexual person in the media, they are either murdered, commit suicide, or are held up as objects of derision and laughter. I can't remember the last time I saw a positive TS role-model.

Now tell me who's the real 'n*****'.

-Stealther

[KnowerOfLogic]

37. Kids are stupid. Hopefully he'll know better when he gets older.

However, in order for that to happen, we've all got to be out there refuting this crap anytime we hear it.

[FM Arouet666]

43. Sad, but ignorance frequently continues into adulthood.

I think the gay community today is where the African American community was forty years ago, prior to the civil rights movement. I hear negative stereotypes about the gay community all the time, straight bigots just assume other straight people hold the same bias. The day will come when basic human rights will be extended to all, but sadly, the near future is dark. The gay community has been made the scapegoat for the evils of our society, the republicans have payed the card well and the ignorant have followed. It is truly a sicking time.