<he used you, and used you badly. i cannot and will not make excuses for him- he hurt you, and your anger and hurt are completely understandable.>
Thank you.
<but this is part of a bigger problem- society vilifies the gays.>
I have been vilified myself.I am a trans-man.OK know about the vilification thing. I know it well,I got it for being transgender (very,very butch),being a "freak",having PSTD,being openly pagan(christian assholes chased me with knives)and I have been vilified even on DU and in this group for being furry.I have been vilified by the GBLT community because I bring up certain things they are not ready to deal with.Some in the gay community reject us trans people,the gays have their own bigotries they deny too.
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F0CE6DC1E3BF932A2575AC0A960958260pardon me if I am not just brimming with pity for him right now.
Look, I know society at large is chock full of scared,stupid bigoted people.Hets can be vile.So can gays. I also know any gay person taking someones heart and stomps it,lies,than refuses to acknowledge the PAIN they caused by the lying,the betrayal,the coldness,abuse whatever else, then, on top of all that,expecting the hurt person to feel like all that shit they suffered was justified because they are gay,well that lump it mentality that some gays have regarding this stuff could be creating a feedback loop in some people's minds concerning some of that vilifying that'society' does to gays and trans-people.
I dunno how many broken hearts because someone admits they are gay or whatever are out there at any given time but if they are told by the gay community to get over it and their pain is minimized because 'gays get vilified by society ,don't you think that way of discounting them just makes it worse for all involved? People who come OUT of DENIAL need to also come out of denial concerning the damage their dishonesty does to people that cared as well.
He has access to gay friendly places to go without vilification.There is a strong gay community in the city.
I am cut off from that community by transportation issues.His family is very accepting, his sister is a lesbian. His mom was more accepting than MY mom was of my coming out,and out,and out...
I think he has no EXCUSES for what he did.And just because he's gay and gays get shit from society, so do trans-genders, and none of what society does, justifies what he did to me.He came out before he even knew me. When he began to date me he said how unhappy he was in the gay community they rejected him,his body wasn't perfect,he felt like the gays were superficial and backbiting.
But trying to tell himself lies wouldn't matter if it was just HIM involved in it. No I was involved too.I got hurt and I am pissed. And I am every bit a guy,as any other guy is,sans the dick ,because phalloplasty surgery is insane expensive, the dick does not function like a dick really, it looks a little strange,and it is a very risky operation.So I know it isn't in my future any time soon. Think of how that shit he pulled felt to me? It hurt me double time BECAUSE I am transgender.It's like my masculinity was being belittled,negated,made insignificant because I lacked the ability to afford the surgery,and the surgical results are lame,without the plumbing I am not a "real" guy. Do you have a clue how much that hurt me? Do you know how much frustration and pain that stupid physical wall of not having a penis but still being a guy in every other respect has caused me? If I was to list them I would be here all night.