Appreciating Your Value as You Age

[groovedaddy]

AGING is an indiscriminate leveler. You might have been a shapely bombshell who made heads turn. You might have honed your intellect and résumé and let looks take a backseat. Still, most of us will pass a mirror one day and wonder who is that stranger with the droopy eyelids.

It would be easy to dismiss worries about such an aesthetic concern as weak. But two models-turned-psychotherapists argue in “Face It,” their new guide for women, that struggling with changing looks can be no less daunting than dealing with a financial loss, a demotion at work or a divorce.

After decades of counseling patients, Dr. Vivian Diller and Dr. Jill Muir-Sukenick say that dread about growing older can spur an existential crisis of sorts. Such dread isn’t about vanity per se, but has more to do with a loss of potential and questioning one’s place in the world. It can lead to depression, alcohol abuse or sleep disorders, they say.

Yet, therapy isn’t usually on the short list of solutions for those bothered by an aesthetic “problem.” A lunchtime laser treatment or a $180 face cream is.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/18/fashion/18SKIN.html?th&emc=th

[babylonsister]

1. I read that, and became more depressed. Who can afford

those cosmetic fixes?

[Warpy]

2. Women only have value in this culture when they're young

and sexually attractive. Unattractive young women are not valued. Older women who still might look great are not valued.

Aging and the change in how one looks represents a loss of social value for women. Of course that's going to be traumatic. Losing a spouse to death or divorce and having one's children busy with their own lives can spell total social isolation for a lot of older women unless they fall into church or manage to hold jobs despite age discrimination.

The wonder isn't that older women are depressed. The wonder is that older women don't all go stark raving crazy in this culture.

[RKP5637]

3. I think it applies to us all anymore, "The wonder is that older women don't all go stark

raving crazy in this culture." Today, IMO, we in the US live in a hollow plastic culture dictated by corporate elites as to what is acceptable (for their profit) and many Americans are brainwashed into believing their propaganda and then judgmental not only about themselves, but others as well.

[The empressof all]

4. I have felt the discrimination, the depression and the fear

I've moved past it and now say "fuck it" I choose now to make a conscious decision to just not give a rip of what people think and say what I want. If you can embrace this ...it's incredibly freeing. But I guess that's why people think I'm a crazy old post menopausal broad which doesn't help pay the bills.

[frazzled]

5. As someone who turned 60 today ...

I don't really feel all that bad about the aging process. I'm trying to embrace all the female aging issues, because, honestly, I've always found older women quite attractive: especially when they don't try to slather on too much makeup or dress too young or do that orange or black hair thing. I actually think women in their 60s and 70s can be more attractive than women in their 40s sometimes. There's an acceptance and grace and restfulness that sets in.

Sure, I touch up my hair color once in a while and try to dress a little bit stylishly for my age ... but I don't buy into those $180 face cream cons or laser treatments or botox. I just look in the mirror less.

And I don't feel worthless because of my age. There are benefits to aging for women, too: being absolutely fearless about speaking one's min--moreso than in one's youth; taking pride in your life accomplishments (both work and family); giving yourself some space to relax and focus on yourself after long years of devoting everything to your kids; realizing that sex is still fun; being able to say "what's the matter with kids today."

I'm okay with this. Ask me at 70.

[CrispyQ]

7. Happy Birthday, frazzled!

:party:

Nice post & I agree with every word.

[frazzled]

9. Thanks!

It's my son's birthday today, too. You can imagine what I was going through on my birthday 25 years ago! We're all going out to a jazz club tonight to chill and have a drink.

[CrispyQ]

6. I was depressed the first time I was called "ma'am" by a store clerk.

It was such a shock! When I looked in the mirror, I didn't see a ma'am! ~lol!

I still look relatively good, although I'd look better without the 20 extra pounds around my middle. But I'm very happy with my life, I have a loving husband who has never had a wandering eye & still lusts after me like I was twenty-five! I still take care with my appearance, but knowing that our society has basically written me off simply because of my years, has had a surprisingly empowering effect on my life. I've never been one who was overly concerned about what others think of me, but now, I truly do not give a shit!

I'm curious what those who pursue plastic surgery, particularly those who get multiple surgeries over time, will look like when they are 70 or 80. At some point, you simply cannot repeal time.

[elocs]

8. I was maybe 22 and at the beach when a high school girl came up and asked me,

"Excuse me, sir, do you have change for a dollar?" I was thinking, "sir"?, do I look like a "sir" at age 22? That was nearly 35 years ago.

[Chemisse]

10. I went through a sense of loss about aging in my 30s

You can't fight it (unless you are rich) so I accepted it as I went through my 40s, and now, in my 50s, I am ready to embrace it.