"Are you a fag Boy?"

[vicarofrevelwood]

to an adolescent boy this was a hurtful thing to hear. Even more so when the Taunting Voice wasn't a school yard bully but My own Father, Standing over me after he smacked me down to the floor.

I was 16 Years old and like most my age in the 70's I was out late drinking beer and bonding with a few Male friends. He wasn't angry about the beer, but something had "clicked" In My Dad's head that made him think I was gay.( Their was a reason for this But it is of no importance here.) This almost same thing would happen several more times before I would be old enough to Make a living and get the hell out of HIS house. He Passed When I was 19, Knowing what happen to him as a Boy Makes me feel sorry for him. He did the Best with what he had. I wish I could have helped him.

I was an odd duck to Dad, I was a musician, Not a sportsman, could sing like a bird, Not fight like Joe Frasier, Hung out with Herds of people in various groupings, Most of them Odd ducks too. It is likely some of them were gay and though Dad could Feel it, as long as I didn't what did I care. I was a teenager, For Christ sake! All I wanted to do was, Play music, Meet girls, Get laid, and have a little fun.

The type of abuse Dad inflicted on Me was typical for me. One would say even "Normal" as if getting your ass beat down for suspicion of being Gay was normal. My step mother, Bless her Soul, would egg him on, she had her own motives,(R.I.P. Lena, I hope you got what you wanted, in abundance.) Why did this occur? I had no Idea, like I said I was a Teenager, it was the 70's. Although When I found out what happened to My Dad when he was a Boy, I walked away from Dad's Whole Family. I didn't need to be with people who were so wrapped up in their own world to not even care. But that is another story.

Like I said, I was a Teen, I was Into Girls, Dated several, I liked them on the Thin side, a red head stole my heart, My best kept secret; I didn't get over her till I was in My forties. Told her so one day when she was feeling down about her looks. (She still is a looker.) When My Dad Looked at her for the first time, he told me, "you can do better than that Boy." I thought he was nuts. No as a matter of fact, that proved it!

Fast forward to 26. It was some time after My separation, (Not the Red head), and I ran into a long lost Acquittance, Pumping all night gas, while going to school. (The red head was her sister.)This in turn lead to a camping trip with about 15 People she knew, and I was to meet. all of these people became my friends. I'm 53 at this writing, and They still are My friends.

Albert, Or as we knew him IB, and I got on well. IB was An accomplished Musician, People savvy, and all around fun person to be with. We became close and he soon became My confidant. In the 9 months that followed the group of 15 or so grew in Numbers but it was IB at the Heart of things. Party planner, Idea man, the Go to Guy. All this time I was still quite a Homophobe, and made no bones about it. Though Soon My perception of the world was to change, and IB's hand was heavy on that change.

Hind sight being 20/20 I still can't believe I was ever a HomoPhobe. It's sorta like looking at some poor Idiot who was letting irrational fears make his mind up for him. (Hey you Tea party people take heed) When fear drives your Life, rational thought has no room to thrive. What you may loose can be of the worst kind of detriment to your life. Thank The Heavens I had a good guides at this time.Q.Those days that came and went were some of the best times of my life.

In the company of these Friends I learned "The Truth" About IB. He was gay. Their was talk about An old Flame of IB's that was causing concern. 'Seamus' had dropped in out of the Blue, And 'HE' was, Mumble, Mumble, Blah Blah Blah is what the conversation turned into inside my ears at that moment. This was a shock to me, I mean shake me to my core kind of shock. Sounds Stupid to you? Walk a mile in My "Kid shoes" and you'd know. I was a Homophobe raised by a Homophobe. Their was no room for reasoning for open mindedness about this in my childhood. A fag, was a fag, was a fag. those who defended them were just as bad, and most likely fags too. The Lies and rumors about the Whole thing fills me with the urge to regurgitate today. But Then it was 'accepted fact'.

While the the conversation in the room shared concern about IB droned incoherently on. I was trapped inside my own mind fighting a battle that raged unlike any i had ever fought before. I knew at that moment I had a choice. Give up the friend I had come to know and Love so well, or pack up and go away. Some how, some way, I still can't recall how or why. I chose to listen to a more rational voice in my head that simply told me, "You trusted Him for a reason, Don't be a fool. Only a fool throw away his gold." all the fears, and Lies I was taught as a child, all the accusations, the derision, What "fags" will do to you if given a chance. I some how in the back of My head managed to tell them to S.T.F.U. I was gonna stick with My Friend.

IB was my Band Mate, adviser, friend and Bro. This Man Helped Me Get My Head straight.(I had a Lot of Baggage back then.)I never felt threatened By him, My Children loved him, and still talk about him. The people He chose to surround himself with, would defend him in a heart beat. That more than anything else Spoke volumes. I can't say my Homophobia just up and died. However it was from that point, on the decline. I gave it credence no longer. IB was My friend, from then until he Passed away peacefully in his sleep 5 Years ago this May. He lasted long enough to know who My Future wife was and Gave his approval.
R.I.P. Albert, I still miss you my friend.

[Old Codger]

1. Thank you

I can relate very strongly to many of the points contained in this story....

[roguevalley]

2. such a familiar story. Needs to be heard more and more. Thank you.