Afro-American women - your thoughts on this would be appreciated

[Number9Dream]

I was unsure in which forum to post this, but it seems to fit here and it may not disappear as fast as in General.
I am white, as is my 24 year-old son (both of us Heinz 57 mix). The other day, I had dinner with my son and his new girlfriend (who I was meeting for the first time). His new "girlfriend" is a stunning and sexy 41 year-old Afro-American woman (a divorcee). Now, my son was once described by a co-worker of mine as a "hunk" (good-looking, 6'4" & a muscular 215lbs.), but I was still a little surprised that he'd attracted such a mature beauty. In addition to her physical beauty, Tamara is smart & talented (graphic artist), and possesses an all-around great personality. In spite of their age & race differences, I see no harm in these two being lovers. It's way too early for talk of marriage and my son wants to finish law school at night before getting serious with any woman. I absolutely trust my son's judgment. However, both black and white people (including his mother) insist that I should be more concerned ("the 17 year age difference and little in common").
Back-story: One day, when my son was 17, he came to me because he wanted to ask a Black girl out on a date, and a couple of his "friends" were needling him about it. To his surprise, I informed him that I had romantic relationships with a couple of black women in the past, and also that real friends wouldn't give him grief because of a girl's race. My surprisingly mature son did date the girl, and dumped the friends.
I think that life is short & not necessarily sweet, so if a mature black woman and a younger white man can add some pleasure to each other's lives, that's a good thing.
Especially for any Afro-American women who might read this - Am I wrong to see this unusual pairing in a positive light? Any thoughts on romantic relationships with a younger white man? Wouldn't you prefer if your lover's family was supportive? Other thoughts?

[notadmblnd]

1. I'm not a black woman, but I don't think your thinking is wrong

We don't get to pick our skin color and to a certain extent we also don't get to pick who we fall in lust/love with. As long as they are good to each other, what's to worry about?

[1620rock]

4. Race means nothing, it's the 17 year age difference...

...that would give me pause. At your son's age a 17 year age difference is HUGE. It's like a separation of culture, interests, life experience, etc. If he and the lady can truly overcome the age separation issue then it was meant to be.

[notadmblnd]

6. race must have meant something

why else even mention it? the concern by the OP regarding the relationship with a woman 17 yrs his senior could/should stand on it's own.

I don't want to argue with you but I have some life experience with both an inter racial and spring fall relationship. As I see it there's really only one issue this couple needs to worry about and it's the same with any other couple in the world.... will they grow together or will they grow apart?

[Imzadi47]

16. Age is A Bigger Problem

After my husband died, I dated a White man 20 yrs. younger than me. It was the age problem, not the race situation that spoiled it.... like a friend of his coming to our table in a restaurant saying, "Hello, ---. Is this your MOTHER?" I LOOK White, because my hair is blonde and I have green eyes. The man I was dating was also a blonde, so I guess it was a natural mistake for that guy to make.
I usually have an easier time dating a White man in my age group than I did socializing when I was married to my husband, because my husband and I LOOKED like an interracial couple. People don't know what they are looking at.:eyes: :crazy:

[Number9Dream]

17. Welcome to DU

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I think you have a point about age differences.

[slor]

2. I am a AA male, so I should not be responding...

but I will anyway. No, you are not wrong, and in fact, you sound like a good Dad.

[Number9Dream]

10. Glad you responded...

Thanks for the "good dad"... I try.
The subject line should have said, "Especially AA women...", didn't mean to exclude anybody.

[MadMaddie]

3. Hey Number9Dream there is nothing wrong with you...

I am an African American women and I say good for them...If your son is mature as you have described him he would end up dating someone of any race who is more mature and a few years older than him.

You know as well as I know if you are lucky enough to find someone who you are really, really compatible with then you better take the chance.

<snip>
However, both black and white people (including his mother) insist that I should be more concerned ("the 17 year age difference and little in common").<snip>

Here is the thing- is it the 17 year difference that bothers them...or is the real issue what they Perceive as little in common=they are not the same race. My question is would they have the same feelings if she were white? Probably not!! The other thing is they are not concerned about his well being they are concerned about what their friends will think of them.

Hope this helps!!

[notadmblnd]

7. you hit the nail on the head MadMaddie

my mother said the same words to me. "What will people think"?

[MadMaddie]

8. I was lucky. with my Parents

I have been in a relationship for 13 years with someone who happens to be white. They didn't blink an eye..

[notadmblnd]

9. My parents came around eventually

and grew to love him. We were together till the day death we did part. And that's a rare thing for any couple to be able to say today.

[Number9Dream]

12. Thanks for your thoughts

I'm trying to see things more from Tamara's perspective... walk a mile in her shoes, as it were.
In the boonies of S.Vietnam, I learned that young Americans of all races stood a much better chance of survival when they got along... Guess I returned home more color-blind than many.

[MadMaddie]

5. Here is the DU link to Interracial/Multi-ethnic Relationship Support Group

There are a lot of people that can answer your questions here too.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=289

[Number9Dream]

13. Thanks again, MadMaddie

Bless all you lovely black ladies!
In fact, bless all DU'ers!

[Brewman_Jax]

11. Having seen the direct opposite

with my youngest brother and an older white woman, who was well-known to us (they met at church, go figure), the only concerns my mother had was the age difference and how immature my brother was. Starting, he was 26, she was 42. In fact, my mom said that SHE could do better than putting up with my brat brother. I'll leave off the gory details (you can PM for any other questions).

[jeffrey_X]

14. I'm a white male and I dumped all my friends for my wife....

who is African American and my life has never been better.

Don't worry about family support. If they are happy with each other, that is all that really matters.

[Karenina]

15. Tee-hee-hee!

I've had romantic involvements with white males 20 & 15 years my junior. You'll have to encourage me if you want stories. :blush:
Suffice to say, they're both adults, age is just a number, race is no more than a social construct and tell anyone who approaches you with their projected nonsense to go jump in a lake.

[Imzadi47]

18. Race Will be a Thing of the Past Soon

:) ;-) I predict that in ten more years, race will be a thing of the past. Genetic engineering will allow people to CHOOSE their race, if they want to. It will be expensive at first, I guess, but it will solve at least ONE of mankind's worst problems. No one will know for sure who started out to be what.
(I am a genetic experiment. It CAN be done!):wow: B-)