Help me out here. We are both senior citizens living on SS.

[napi21]

We do have a little savings in 401K funds but well under $200,000. We're 66-67 yo and have to pay RE taxes and everything else to keep up the house, pay utilities, buy food, pay for car, health, and house ins. A very close friend has asked for a $5,000 loan. Said it would be paid back when the MIL dies (she's 89).

This lady is a very close relative and I really like her a we get along very well, but I don't want to lend any money. I have no idea what the future holds for us, and I'm scared to give away $5,000 when I also know if you lend $$ to a friend or relative, be willing to lose it because there is never any guarantees of repayment.

How do I say NO without destroying the relationship?

[eleny]

1. Can you say that you have it tied up where you could lose substantial interest that you need?

Other than just saying no, that's about the only thing I can think of since they seem to know about your finances.

[babylonsister]

2. Just say 'no', or tell a white lie and say you don't have that

much to lend. I agree with you; don't do it. You have to consider your future.

[Joanne98]

3. Tell her love her but you don't have the money.

Tell her you've had unexpected financial problems. Don't get any details, tell her it's personal.

[rurallib]

4. to me truth is the best policy.

Just tell her that based on your current position you do not feel you have the money to lend.

[FSogol]

5. Just be honest and say you can't afford to make a 5k loan due to living on a very fixed income.

Offer to help your friend look over their finances and to try and find another way out of their financial mess.

[napi21]

9. Their financila mess is due to medical expenses. The husband

had a pancreas transplant 8 years ago. The meds he has to take are staggering! He takes 30+ pills a day! The $$ on their CC are to pay for his meds. However...the wife doesn't seem to understand what it means to be frugal! I understand she wants to please her husband because she has no idea how long she willhave him, but $20.00 for a Coca Cola Hat ahd a bill or $88.00 at the checkout of the Coke museum IMO is nuts! There are a lot of things I would love to have, but I always think about why I think I need it and is it really worth the $$. THe answer is almost always NO!

[Kolesar]

12. Has she explored public relief or other methods of paying for medications?

Just a thought. I seen in commercials that drug companies *say* that they can help people who cannot pay.

Would she establish a $5000 lein on the real estate of her mother? You might be able to read this at www.nolo.com I go to Nolo because I have awful family money problems.

[napi21]

13. They already live in section 8 housing, and have looked into

every Drug co. that offers rediced costs or free drugs they make, but they found that all but one ( that looks like they might get it) reqauire you to have an income of the proverty level. His income is SSDI and her's is from PT working as a school aid, and assisting 2 elderly people in their building. Their total income is $25,000/yr but the meds cost $15,000!

O don't know where else to direct them.

[Kolesar]

15. I don't know if my family members have used all of the social services available

My mother keeps calling me for money because my brother needs lots of medical care. I had to "force" him to apply for aid for the hospital bills he rung up. He got the aid. He had been just charging "everything" to Mom's credit card.

I don't know if this relates to your friends.

Maybe the solution is to ask the doctor if he really needs all of those medications. I know people who were able to quit medications.

[shawcomm]

14. Oh, you gotta be kidding...

Coke museum stuff? When he needs meds? No freaking way would I loan them money. Just tell them, "Sorry, but I can't afford it right now." I'm sure that's the truth too. Like you mentioned, loans to family and friends are almost always giveaways. They are rarely paid back, in my experience anyway. So, if you give it to her, just be prepared to never see that 5k again. Too, be prepared to see a new influx of Coke corporate advertising all over her home. :banghead:

[FSogol]

16. Sad, but you have to put your family first. Do some investigation

on what could help them. Try contacting their pharmaceutical companies. Look for local help with medical bills/costs. Good luck.

[musette_sf]

6. Getting into a financial deal contingent upon the demise of an elderly person

can backfire to some extent. A family member got into one of these kind of deals... the person whose demise was anticipated lived to *99*.

[gratefultobelib]

7. I agree with the honesty approach. Just tell her what you told us--that you

don't know what the future holds and you're scared to loan ANYONE $5000. I don't think she should have put you in this kind of bind, personally.

[Warpy]

8. Tell her the truth.

You can't afford it.

If she can't handle that, that's her problem, not yours. She will probably sulk. However, if the relationship is truly a good one, it will survive this.

You really can't afford it, you know. You have no idea what sort of financial hits you're going to take and you need to be prepared. Besides, hinging repayment on somebody else's death is just plain tacky.

A $5000 consumer loan is probably her best bet.

[EmeraldCityGrl]

10. If you need that money to be returned

do not lend it out. If you choose to lend it, think of it as a gift because you'll probably never see it again.
I've seen this happen time and time again. People lend a friend or relative money and for some reason
the borrower finds justification in their mind not to pay it back.

My husband lent his brother seven thousand dollars. Eight years later he has never paid it back and the
relationship is ruined.

[Warpy]

11. Excellent advice that I've always followed

is never lending anything I can't afford to lose.

It's kept friendships going when circumstances prevented people from paying me back. If I'd been hurting for the money, then their circumstances wouldn't have mattered to me more than mine did.

[EmeraldCityGrl]

17. Same here. A good friend needed dental work desperately.

Now I know how much she loves me, but I wasn't going to take the chance of losing the friendship by lending.
I gave her the money and strangely it gave me the best feeling knowing I could help her. I know she would
have done the same for me.:)

[Little Star]

18. Say no, in a nice way naturally. If you were

financially secure it would be a good thing to lend it. However,that is a lot of money to risk when you are on a fixed budget. Hopefully she will find someone who is in a position to lend it to her.