"Trust me, I'm a scientist. See the clipboard? Now, tell me about your ass

[Ian David]

I see an IgNobel Prize in this man's future!

Have you got the definitive derriere?

09apr06

FEW women would claim to have the perfect bottom. But for those in need of reassurance that it is within reach, a scientist has come to the rescue by working out a mathematical formula they believe adds up to the perfect posterior.

The magical figures are (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V.

Though the equation looks rather complicated, it is, according to the scientist, simple. It assesses shape, bounce, firmness and symmetry – all factors that add up to the bottom line.

<snip>


David Holmes, a psychology lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan University, England, devised the formula. He asked about 2000 women across Britain to assess their bottoms using a simple points scale.

<snip>

Dr Holmes said that Kylie Minogue, whose celebrated bottom relaunched her career with the help of a pair of hotpants, would almost certainly score a perfect 80. "Kylie would score amazingly well on sphericality and symmetry. Her bottom is pretty much perfect in these areas, more so than the likes of Charlotte Church or Jennifer Lopez, who have more curvy posteriors," he said.

"While no one, of course, can be sure of the firmness and texture of Kylie's bottom, from the exposure it has been given in the newspapers it is obviously muscular and is likely to score highly in these categories also."

More:
http://www.sundaytimes.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,7034,18752304%255E950,00.html

[DUHandle]

1. It sounds to me like David Holmes

is the perfect ass.

[Ian David]

2. Surveying people about the properties of their own ass is pointless...

what he needs is some hands-on research.

Unless he's afraid to roll-up his sleeves and dive into the subject.

[NotGivingUp]

3. Well, that's what all us women are here for, don't ya know?

It's our reason for existence...to be measured here and measured there and told just how perfect or imperfect we are!

[Name removed]

4. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[OhioNerd]

5. Somewhere I hear Al Pacino's voice calling...

Somewhere I hear Al Pacino's voice calling...


GREAT ASS! :D

[Orsino]

6. The sound you hear...

...is the unison slapping of foreheads by a million other scientists, wishing they'd thought of getting paid for this.

[n2doc]

7. Yep Certain IgNobel awardee...N/T

[Taxloss]

8. "no one can be sure of the firmness and texture of Kylie's bottom ..."

Sounds like someone wants another research grant. I wonder if he needs an assistant.