Trying to wrap my head around this.

[yasmina27]

As some of you know, my marriage sucks to say the least.

Tonight we're getting ready to go on a short vacation - 1 day at Kalahari in Sandusky and 3 days in MI visiting former neighbors. I was folding clothes that had been washed and came upon a pair of size 8 women's bikini underwear. My first thought was OOPS! Bought the wrong size for one of my daughters (both are give or take in that size range depending on the brand), but in girls sizes, not misses. There is no way in hell I wear a size 8, nor would I ever wear bikinis. I then thought that maybe grandma bought them the wrong size, but neither of them have seen these underpants before (even to tell grandma she goofed).

So now the question is, does my husband have a gf, or is he cross-dressing? No one else in the family who has been over recently changing clothes (for swimming) would fit this size.

For all the scenarios I've imagined, this has never been one. Can anyone think of any other possibilities? Oh, and by the way, although they are not "used", neither are they new, as they are "stained", even after washing.

[hobbit709]

1. Leave them out and see if anyone says something.

[noamnety]

16. Hmm.

I think I'd fold them up and put it in his underwear drawer with a note attached saying "these aren't mine, I'm guessing they're yours."

and no other comment for long enough to be sure he's seen it.

If he's guilty, he'd likely avoid confrontation. If he's got nothing to do with it, he'll appear with them in his hand asking "what the hell is this?" or asking if you care to explain yourself.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

2. A shitty divorce is still 100 times better than a bad marriage.

You KNOW that the decree will be entered, when divorcing.
With a bad marriage, every single day is painful, suffering, walking on egg-shells, filled with devious untruths, and worse.

No one is innocent in a divorce, but that is NOT the reason to get one.
Self preservation is the key. Humans, however, hate change, and frequently stay in really bad situations simply because it is the devil they know.

Before you do anything, get counseling. Then, get an attorney (Note: they are two very different people with very different jobs, and those tasks should NEVER be mixed)

[bbinacan]

3. Ask who they belong to

and measure the response.

[yasmina27]

4. I plan to ...

But not before vacation. I'll put on a happy face for my daughters.

However, my husband is the best liar in the world. He will play dumb and I'll be no further along than I am now.

[bbinacan]

8. I wish you well. n/t

[babylonsister]

5. That is so disrespectful of him, but so is being unfaithful.

I'd have to have a confrontation, ask him about them. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I agree with antifaschits. :hug:

[AmyCamus]

6. Put them in his jacket pocket.

And kick him out the door.

[readmoreoften]

7. Most likely a masturbation fetish.

Most women's underwear is stained from menstrual blood, which is distinct from the clear spot a pre-ejaculate stain would leave. Think logically about the location of the stain as well. Also, it is very unlikely that your husband is having an affair in your house--especially with kids in the house.

He's not likely a "crossdresser" or you'd be seeing other things like frilly garters, etc. Also don't assume this means he is transgendered or anything like that. He probably just has a fantasy about being forced to wear woman's panties, which is in an odd backwards sense, a way of reminding themselves how masculine they are once they're out of those panties. Super common.

[yasmina27]

9. The stains

are not clear. Rather they are dark colored spots like someone who dripped a bit from a tampon.

[readmoreoften]

12. Now that's weird.

Either his fetish is very involved or...hmmmm.

Why would a lover wear dirty panties to a rendevous? Why meet up at your house when she's got her period?

I'm still betting on fetish. Are you and your kids gone predictably and for long stretches?

[yasmina27]

13. They could be old stains

I have underwear that no matter how I wash them or bleach them, they never come clean. No, we're not gone predictably and for long stretches, but he is sometimes, supposedly to the "bar". I'm hypothesizing here, but maybe she stuffed them in his pocket, or they got stuck in his t-shirt w/o his knowledge as he was putting on his clothes.

I've really tried to clear all other possible reasons tonight. Questioning my girls w/o giving away my reasons, calling my cousin who has stayed here numerous times recently. There is only one of my daughters' friends who has been here who is slightly larger than my older dd, and she wouldn't fit these, nor do I believe she is mature enough for these underpants.

I don't know how I'm going to possibly enjoy this vacation, but I will put on a good act for my daughters. I will HAVE to get to the bottom of this next week when we're home (we'll be home on Sun. - not a big vacation, but the best we can do in the economy).

Thanks for all your help and support. Keep the ideas coming - I'm grasping at straws now hoping to keep my marriage alive. I'm not optimistic.

[yasmina27]

10. Not only that

but the stains are toward the front/middle. And upon closer examination they are stained dirty - iow, dirt that hasn't washed out - in the groin region.

[yasmina27]

11. I keep thinking and thinking

We do not mix our laundry with our girls'. They put their dirty clothes in hampers in their rooms, occasionally leaving things in the BR which eventually, with some coersion :) go in their hampers. This is a habit left over from when they were little and we washed their clothes using separate, non-allergenic detergent.

The only female who has been staying at our home and changing clothes often has been my cousin (another long story), but she is far bigger than I am. She's been known to leave her clothes in the BR, but there is no way these belong to her (although I will ask her before making any accusations).

[SheilaT]

14. Personally I'd have no qualms

about asking loudly and publicly to all household members who these panties belong to. And if everyone denies it, well, I actually have another explanation.

I have on at least two occasions had things show up in my clothes drier that did not belong to anyone in the household. First item, about fifteen or more years ago, was a green towel. I still have it. The second, more recently, was a pair of cargo pants that no one who lives in my household admits to owning. Or purchasing, or otherwise having. Plus, it showed up in MY laundry, and like you I don't mix the laundry belonging to various members, and in fact most of them do their own laundry.

I have become convinced that there are black holes in the bottom of driers that sometimes transport articles of clothing to some other drier.

[knitter4democracy]

15. In the words of my mom, get tested.

She cheated on husbands numbers one and two with husband #3, and then he cheated on her and ultimately left. After she tracked down a couple of the women he slept with and talked with them (that really pissed him off), she got tested, just to make sure. Thankfully, she never tested positive for anything, but considering how much he catted around, it was the right move.

No use in worrying about disease or hoping it's not there. Getting tested will at least settle that, and you won't be playing with your health.

Sorry if this is too mercenary. As the child of "the other woman" (husband #3's ex became my stepmom two months after Mom married him--my childhood was a mess), I tend to leap to infidelity as the explanation a bit quickly.

[RazzleCat]

17. One other way they could have shown up

My sons friends have left clothing that is dirty at my house, I wash and find it when I fold. The "boys" go out and play in the creek and get very filthy, so many times they go to the basement and striped down and switch into some of his clothes, leaving me the dirty ones in the hampers. Just maybe one of your daughters friends had an accident (you said looks like blood stains) and slipped out of the panties and left them their.