Great article to share: No such thing as virginity, author says

[sinkingfeeling]

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30353377/

<snip>
There is a moral panic in America over young women’s sexuality — and it’s entirely misplaced. Girls “going wild” aren’t damaging a generation of women, the myth of sexual purity is. The lie of virginity — the idea that such a thing even exists — is ensuring that young women’s perception of themselves is inextricable from their bodies, and that their ability to be moral actors is absolutely dependent on their sexuality. It’s time to teach our daughters that their ability to be good people depends on their being good people, not on whether or not they’re sexually active.

More than 1,400 purity balls, where young girls pledge their virginity to their fathers at a promlike event, were held in 2006 (the balls are federally funded). Facebook is peppered with purity groups that exist to support girls trying to “save it.” Schools hold abstinence rallies and assemblies featuring hip-hop dancers and comedians alongside religious leaders. Virginity and chastity are reemerging as a trend in pop culture, in our schools, in the media, and even in legislation. So while young women are subject to overt sexual messages every day, they’re simultaneously being taught — by the people who are supposed to care for their personal and moral development, no less — that their only real worth is their virginity and ability to remain “pure.”

I’ve always found the idea of “saving” your virginity intriguing: It’s not as if we’re packing our Saran-wrapped hymens away in the freezer, after all, or pasting them in scrapbooks (admittedly, not the best visual — my apologies). But packed-away virginities aside, the interesting — and dangerous — idea at play here is that of “morality.” When young women are taught about morality, there’s not often talk of compassion, kindness, courage, or integrity. There is, however, a lot of talk about hymens (though the preferred words are undoubtedly more refined — think “virginity” and “chastity”): if we have them, when we’ll lose them, and under what circumstances we’ll be rid of them.

While boys are taught that the things that make them men — good men — are universally accepted ethical ideals, women are led to believe that our moral compass lies somewhere between our legs. Literally. Whether it’s the determining factor in our “cleanliness” and “purity” or the marker of our character, virginity has an increasingly dangerous hold over young women. It affects not only our ability to see ourselves as ethical actors outside of our own bodies, but also how the world interacts with us through social mores, laws, and even violence.


In “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession With Virginity Is Hurting Young Women,” author Jessica Valenti — founder and executive editor of Feministing.com — argues that our culture is too harsh on women who embrace sexuality. Her book looks at the fallacies of virginity, chastity and purity through the lens of our sexually charged media culture.

This looks like a book we should read. The article also talks about the laws that men put in place to 'protect' this view.

[FSogol]

1. Good article. I've always thought that purity balls and pledging their virginity to their fathers

were really, really creepy.

[ixion]

2. a girl "pledging her virginity" to her father is downright creepy

if you ask me.

[Jackpine Radical]

3. Yeah, I noticed that--right before I got distracted by thoughts concerning

the juxtaposition of feminine chastity and balls.

[ixion]

5. heh... queue AC/DCs song "Big Balls"

:rofl:

Well I'm upper upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
And I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I've got
The biggest balls of all

I've got big balls
I've got big balls
They're such big balls
And they're dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody cums and cums again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I've got
Great balls of fire

I've got big balls
Oh I've got big balls
And they're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night

We've got big balls
We've got big balls
We've got big balls
Dirty big balls
He's got big balls
She's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

(We've got big balls)
(We've got big balls)

And I'm just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

(Ball sucker)
(Ball sucker)
(Ball sucker)
(Ball sucker)

[BlueJazz]

4. Purity Balls are Sexual Insane Asylums.

[kegler14]

6. Speaking of balls...

http://jeremy.zawodny.com/misc/SNLPete.mpg

[Raspberry]

7. Morality or character based on virginity is an antiquated concept

However, there are still good reasons for people--especially young girls--to abstain. There is no absolutely for-sure way to prevent STD's, and they can (and do) have consequences that make early sexual activity very much NOT worthwhile. When a woman in her 30's wants a baby more than anything and can't because she made stupid mistakes when she was a teenager, you can bet she wishes she had remained a virgin . . .

[CrispyQ]

8. I'm reminded of Cher (Alicia Silverstone) in "Clueless."

When her friends rib her for being a virgin she responds with, "You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet."

[Raspberry]

10. Great quote! n/t

[iverglas]

12. actually

I really can't imagine being in my 30s and being a "virgin" and being glad I was.

"Wants a baby more than anything"? Hyperbole, or literally?

I had a cervical condition that required surgery in my 30s, likely because of HPV infection sometime in my youth. Had I wanted to have a baby at that point, well, it would have been tough. But that's life. One really can't abstain from living it just in case some day we might wish we'd done it differently.

I don't consider engaging in sexual activity to be necessarily a "stupid mistake" just because of a woman's age or unmarried status. A woman can abstain until marriage (and in fact can marry as a teenager) and still contract an STD - like HPV - from her partner, y'know? With exactly the same consequences. Maybe you can point to the "stupid mistake" in that case.

[Iris]

16. of course education could take care of that. Admitting you are sexually active and

insisting on the appropriate screening at annual gynecological exams can go a long way towards protecting one's fertility.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

17. "can't because she made stupid mistakes when she was a teenager"

Like what, for instance? I'm curious.

[nichomachus]

9. A friend's niece is in a "virginity" club at a Catholic school

They recently had a weekend at a retreat center. The niece said the oral sex was rampant. She saw one couple getting it on in the "Rosary Grotto," behind the statue of the Virgin Mary. According to her, it was pretty much non-stop oral sex.

I remember when it was a hard sell for a guy to get a blow job. Thanks to the churches and the abstinence-only crowd, it's much much easier these days.

And let's not forget Saddlebacking in honor of Rick Warren's Saddleback Church.

[jmondine]

11. Boys aren't taught morality any more effectively than girls

If they were, we wouldn't have so many macho assholes in our society.

[Warpy]

13. The obsession with virginity originated with aristocracy

and was the result of primogeniture, the estate going in its entirety to the first born male.

The aristocrat needed to know that the first born was actually his and his best bet was to find a fertile female with an intact hymen.

Subsequent children, unable to inherit, could then be anybody's with no harm incurred.

That speaks very ill of the aristocrat's ability to please and keep a wife, along with speaking very ill of female morals, in general.

Barring hymenotomy performed right after birth as a way of getting rid of this destructive and silly obsession, the stupid obsession with deflowering virgins is likely to persist along with associated social and religious claptrap.

[iverglas]

14. exactly

Just as marriage did. ;)

[Froward69]

15. young girls pledge their virginity to their fathers

"More than 1,400 purity balls, where young girls pledge their virginity to their fathers"

just reads wrong...

I get the point though. where the pressure to deny ones biological urges, does the individual Woman no good! as the determinant factor is her fathers acceptance/ authorization. when the decision (to do or not to do) is hers and hers alone.

[Nikia]

18. It also tends to paint abstitence as all or nothing

Once you lose your virginity you are a "slut" even if after that sexual experience you decide that maybe it wasn't such a good idea. While pregnancy or STDs can happen to someone having sex the first time, one sexual act should not forever define a girl, just like one heterosexual or homosexual act does not necessarily define one's sexuality for life. There may be benefits to waiting or being pickier about partners, but it does not need to define one's life. I think that it is rather negative if it does. It also paints sexuality as some kind of unforgiveable sin like murder or something else very serious. All other sins you are free to stop doing and be forgiven but once a girl has sex, she is always a slut. Boys, of course, are free to continuing having sex or be abstitent after their first time. It does not define them. If their parents or pastor view them having sex as a bad thing, they will be forgiven after "making a mistake" even if it involves a pregnancy or STD.
I'm not saying that girls who are continuously sexually active from a young age are bad, I'm just presenting the point of view as someone who was raised in that culture.

[seabeyond]

19. girls gone wild/purity ball, both extreme, both unhealthy. there really is a middle of the road. nt

[mzteris]

20. +1. n/t