|
I don't want people to treat me DIFFERENTLY (meaning negatively OR postitively) because I'm a female, but I also don't want them to discount my womanhood either.
As a woman, I've had certain experiences in life that a man will never have. I have certain biological and physiological functions and responses that a man will never have. That's not to say that one is better or one is worse, but it is what it is, and those differences are what makes me who I am.
When I was in college, I had to take a Sociology of Minority Groups class. It was a requirement and I was pretty complacent about the whole class generally. I mean, I'm enlightened, I'm a democrat. I'm liberal--I'm not a racist and I don't treat people differently because of a difference in race, religion, creed, etc.
One thing that we talked about is the need for a "color blind society". All the white people (myself included) were like 'Yeah! Let's see BEYOND race'---but as the teacher pointed out, being colour-blind isn't seeing BEYOND race, it's ignoring race.
A black person is who they are BECAUSE of their blackness. Who am I, as a white person, to say "Well, YOUR race isn't important to ME, so therefore, I'm not going to consider your race when engaging with you as a person"?
Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Native Americans, Whites---we all have parts of us that make us who we are because of things like race, religion, sexual preference, gender, etc.
I don't know if I'm making sense---it's alot easier to talk about this in a 'conversation' than a posting....
I guess that no matter how much we want Race to not be in the equation, we, as humans, can not HELP but to notice if a person is black or white when we interact with them. It's a visual cue. No matter how much I don't treat a black person differently than a white person, I'd be a complete liar if I said "well, you know...I never noticed that Joe was black..." of COURSE I notice he's black.
Equally, people would be lying if they said "You know, all these years I knew heather, it never even occured to me that she was a woman"
Blacks have a right to be black, and as a white person (or any other race), I have NO right to tell them to 'forget' their blackness so that it makes racial issues easier for ME to deal with.
Women have a right to be women, and a man has NO right to tell me to 'disregard' my womanhood so that they don't have to deal with pesky gender or sexuality issues.
Also--how convenient it is for white people--who generally don't have any major cultural ties (not talking about Italians or Irish groups that live in group-specific areas like in NYC, or boston or Whatever---I'm talking about your run of the mill white folks who live down the block and who have no ties to any ethnicity other than being white)---how convenient for white people who generally don't have any major cultural or racial ties to suggest that OTHER groups "lose" their racial and cultural identities so that WE (white people) can get away from pesky race issues.
How convenient for men--who really don't suffer grand-scale sexism---to suggest that women not focus on their femininity--so that they don't have to talk about sex or gender issues.
I'm a woman. I wouldn't be who I was unless I was a woman. I've experienced different things, and had a different life than I would have if I was a male. Being white, I've had different experiences and situations than if I were another race, or another religion.
it's an insult to ME that the way to "equalize" gender relations is to get rid of the idea of gender all together.
Firstly, it'll never happen---men and women are separate and are different. Secondly, how effective would it be (if you could even get people to adhere to it to begin with). Would we move from gender disparity to even more racial disparity? Hair colour disparity?
I do agree, though, that sex traits are ingrained early. In Psych class we saw a study where a baby who was just a few days old (and therefore had no characteristic gender cues (long hair, breasts, facial pattern, etc)) was shown to a group of strangers. The baby was dressed in gender-neutral clothing (no dresses or overalls, no pink or blue). The stranger was told that the baby was a male. Immediately people said things like "oh! you're so strong!" "Oh! what a big man you are!" "I bet you look just like your daddy"
The researchers then took the same baby into another room, changed its clothes (again, to gender neutral apparel) and presented it to the strangers and said that the baby was a girl. Their responses "Oh, you're so pretty" "oh...you look like a little baby doll" "Oh you're so fragile I don't even want to hold you because I don't want to break you"
Same baby---same gender-neutral appearance---TOTALLY different reactions by strangers upon being told what the gender was.
I think the key is to raising our children without placing strong gender-roles upon them.
People think my husband is a freak because he cleans the house, cooks dinner, can sew a button, knows how to use the dishwasher and washing machine.
But his mother taught him to NEVER rely on anyone to do these things for you. Cleaning isn't inherently female. No girl-child is born with the inate ability to remove a stain or use a vaccuum. Equally, no boy-child is born knowing how to change a tire or flush a radiator or install shingles.
We, as a society, and as parents, inforce gender roles in our children. We expect girls to act and do X, and boys to act and do X. I think the key is to raising well-rounded children who don't do something, or do do something based on conventional gender roles. I don't think the answer is to disregard gender (as a biological component) alltogether.
|