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Years ago there was a television show called Thirty Something. I never watched it. But one night I was flipping through the stations & I landed on Thirty Something for about 45 seconds.
Scene: The 30-something women were in a kitchen talking about MOM. One of the 30-something's said, "I can barely stand to be in the same room with my mother for more than 10 seconds."
Another 30-something female character responded with a sarcastic laugh & said, "You made it to 10 seconds?"
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I laughed till I cried. I feel the same conflict with my own mother. I love her, I hate her. She knows me & yet, she doesn't have a clue who I am now.
Holy crap, I'm almost 50 fucking years old & my mother still haunts me.
I love the woman who raised me. She was unique to her times & she had a huge influence on me that others cannot begin to comprehend. Yet, decades later, she is not that woman now. The woman I visualize as my mother lived 40 years ago. She was different, she was brave, she didn't care about societal things & she followed her own heart. It is that woman that I pay respect to, that woman that I honor, that woman whose life style & choices influenced me & molded me to be the liberal woman that I am today, that woman who I love.
Today, that woman is a right wing follower who is very slowly waking up. She is disgusted with Bush & she realizes this country needs a radical turn about, but she is still resistant to voting for anyone with a (D) behind their name. I have tried to use logic & understanding & compassion to sway her to our side. Sadly, I feel that she is willfully ignorant & intellectually lazy. She does not want to believe that American is on the decline. She does not want to acknowledge that our government has purposely interfered with other governments (some of which were democratically elected!) with our tax dollars to provide cheap energy & goods to Americans.
I've given up on trying to influence her in the same way she unknowingly influenced me. I have little hope that she will change. I will love her forever for who she was, but I will mourn the loss of that woman who I will always identify as my mother.
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