Change your last name?

[kslib]

Poll question: Change your last name?

After heterosexual marriage should the woman:

[applegrove]

1. Actually - she should do what she wants. Anything else would be

unacceptable.

[Momgonepostal]

2. You beat me to it!

I don't care one way or another what people choose to do with their last names.

[atommom]

6. I agree. As long as it's her own decision, it's good.

[trotsky]

15. Exactly. Not a meaningful poll without that option. n/t

[skids]

16. Exactly. There's no "should" here.

She can do whatever she wants with her name. If she wishes to consider the feelings of either her or her spouse's families with regard to "tradition," she may. Or she may not. Or she may elect to do the most expedient thing based on the reaction she expects from the surrounding community. Or she may not.

These decisions aren't made in a vaccum. There's no "rule of thumb" to be had. Decent people will respect her decision. People too mired in tradition will not.

[lukasahero]

20. Yup. Exactly right. eom

[Semi_subversive]

3. Let her do what she wants.

Personally, I'd like to take her name. It's not as funny sounding as mine.

[Warpy]

14. I know somebody who did that!

The legal name change wasn't that big a deal, and they both decided her surname was better.

[edbermac]

4. Each should take part of their partners names...

When John and Yoko got married she became Yoko Ono Lennon and he changed his name to John Ono Lennon...fair enough...

[Book Lover]

5. Who cares?

I didn't vote for the "Shut up" option, but that's where I'm at. Change, don't change; for some women who have been overshadowed by other family members, it's a liberating thing for them to change their names, and marriage is a convenient time for some to do so. Others, like myself, consider changing my name to be a spit in the eye of the family that raised me. Non-issue, IMV.

[murray hill farm]

11. Right...i couldnt vote here either...

since i believe it is up to the woman. I never changed mine..at the time it was a professional choice to not change it, but then i was divorced later anyway..ha...and that made it easier to deal with that too. now, i would never change it...i knew a woman who decided to hypenate her name, but then it had 19 letters in it...and she was a social worker for the state...and had to sign that darn thing a hundred times a day..so she finially took her husbands name..which was the shorter one...so there would be lots of different considerations for this one...but...i dont think there is any "should" involved...it is a personal choice.

[SteppingRazor]

7. Moot point

It 'll be different for every couple

[RiDuvessa]

8. I agree with Applegrove.

I didn't change my last name, but I have no problem with people who do. A women should do what she wants. If she wants to change her name, then fine. If she doesn't, that's fine as well.

Actually, my biggest beef is with the idiots who keep questioning why I didn't change my name. It's my business, not theirs. I would have the same problem with anyone who questioned me if I had changed my name.

[BOSSHOG]

9. Okay, but please tell

what will future generations be named? How many hyphens can one have?

[SW FL Dem]

12. Most people I know give the kids the dad's surname even if they

hyphenate. I debated giving my son my maiden name as a middle name, but decided against it. The funny thing is that he seems to have adopted it as additional middle name even if it isn't official. I'll never forget the day he brought home an "All about me" assignment from first grade and he had already written in his name (including my maiden name) as part of his given name.

[SW FL Dem]

10. Whatever she is more comfortable with

I struggled with this nearly 20 years ago and didn't decide until 2 days before the wedding when hubby had to know what initials to have engraved on my wedding band. I chose to use a double last name (with or without a hyphen depending on the situation). I have friends who kept their maiden names, some hyphenate and some drop the maiden name all together. For me, dropping my maiden name wasn't an option, it is an unusual name and there aren't many of us left. I was 28 and had a professional career in my maiden name. I still insist on signing my full name and cringe whenever anyone calls me Mrs. married name - that's my mother in law. My mom who is very traditional and who has been married 3 times (twice widowed) and changes her name without a care, insisted on addressing all mail to me as Mrs. married name for years. I finally sent back a birthday card with the notation, addressee unknown. She got the point.

[China_cat]

13. It's different in every country, too.

In the Netherlands (my husband's country) married women sign their names with a hyphen...with their MAIDEN names last.

My mother in law was Mvr. xxxxxxx-deJong, my sister-in-law is Mvr. xxxxxxx-Hilkemeyer. Here in the US I am simply Mrs. xxxxxxx but there I would be Mvr. xxxxxxx-yyyyyy.

[Igel]

18. Russian girls wind up with their father's last name, but also

their middle name is obligatorily their dad's first name. (Works the same with sons, too.) Gets odd if the dad's a mystery.

Aleksandr Sergeevich Pushkin's dad was Sergei, and if dear or A.S. Pushkin had sisters their middle names would have been Sergeevna. A genealogist's dream.

It was a bit tough for women if they based their identity on their names: a wife would have her given first name, her dad's first name + -evna as her middle name, and her husband's last name, changed to indicate gender if possible.

(And let's not forget all the differences in endings between the man and woman's last names. Russian Gorbacheva/Gorbachev, Tolstoy/Tolstaya. Or thinks like Czech -ová: Navrátilová's dad would have been Navrátil.)

[rogerashton]

17. Hyphenate.

And don't be like those cowardly Spanish. Keep doing it every generation from now on.

Signed, R. A. Wootton-McCain-Fessler-Baldwin-Bowman-Hearne-Pernell-

um, um, I lost track ....

[distantearlywarning]

19. The boy and I picked a new name that we both liked.

Then he changed his name legally before the marriage, and I used the totally sexist "free name change" for women after to change mine to the new one as well on my DL and SS card and everything.

The ignorant older conservative relatives never knew the difference! (They thought I just was a good little woman and took his name.)

We've been very happy with the whole thing so far. Both of us like the new name far more than we liked either of our old ones.

[baba]

25. I like that idea!

I kept my last name, and my husband kept his. But collectively our friends refer to us as the "________-________ 's" usually. But when we have a kid, we're thinking of giving him or her a brand new last name, because of the length of our hyphenated names.

[bumblebee1]

21. My name

After I married, I did take on my husband's name. For my middle name, I kept my maiden name. The only problem I had is when I was in the Navy, the personnel office tried to have my name is my first, middle and hubby's last name. I was kidded about how many last names I had when the name change went into effect.

[kslib]

22. Ooops.

I should have looked at the wording. Yes, "should" is wrong. I guess I was more interested in what people here did....

did you hyphenate, etc....

[SarahB]

23. I'm debating as to whether to change it back.

My divorce will be final in May and I haven't yet decided. I like my maiden name slightly more, but I don't have any particular ties to my family of origin and I loathe extra paperwork. Plus, my children all have this name. I'll probably keep it for now and decide later. Not sure though. :shrug:

p.s. I wish I would have hyphenated. My maiden name is short and my married name is relatively short as well.

[Jackie97]

24. I think it depends on if the woman wants to change it.

I'm a strong feminist. I have no problem with women who keep their names.

However, I want to change my last name unless my husband's name is worse than mine. I really hate my last name.

[Asirac]

26. Women are given

their father's last name at birth (traditionally). So the last name that most women are keeping is their father's...passed down from MALE generation to generation. So, what difference does it make if they keep their father's last name or their husband's???