The men in my Democratic party are jerks

[undeterred]

I'm just blowing off steam here. Its amazing how the supposedly progressive men, the ones who pride themselves on backing a woman's right to choose, will do everything in their power to shut women down. I am the coordinator for a political organization which is outside the party, and the men who are in the party, including the party chair, some elected officials, and some party officers have done everything they can to try to control me or shut me down.

It starts out by actually bellowing at me or screaming in my face, or calling me up and screaming at me. Then they talk about me behind my back or refuse to cooperate with me unless I decide to form a caucus within the party where they can control me. I feel like I am dealing with a bunch of Republican assholes, but no, these are actually progressive Democrats. This is how they are to women.

[Warpy]

1. They can do it only with your permission

If they call and scream, hang up. Keep doing it until they either give up or start talking. If they scream at you in person, walk away. If one starts screaming at you in a meeting, wait for him to draw breath and ask "Are you done yet?" Get the point across.

Nobody who is screaming has a useful thing to tell me, I don't care how much cock privilege he thinks he has.

[Jackpine Radical]

2. I'm sorry that's happening.

Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

[undeterred]

6. thanks jackpine

you have the picture of the one decent dem man! I called my cd chair and asked him to help me with an event I am planning (to which I will invite Feingold) and he started telling me about all the mens egos I am going to bruise if I do this!!! He is so integrated into the old boys club and he is only 26- and I said so you're telling me not to do this? And he said no, I'm just warning you in advance what will happen. Like I am supposed to care about all these fragile male political egos in CD2? I already asked my assemblyman to speak and he said yes. One of his buddies screamed at me when I was quoted in the newspaper... and you know about my bar fight with joe...

agh I called up my socialist friend this afternoon and told him I might join!

[Sarah Ibarruri]

3. God I love men so much, and I'm so totally attracted to some of them! But....

they can be the biggest assholes that ever lived.

Yes, sexism is a reality in this country. It's not a myth.

[guyanakoolaid]

4. Pssst - you missed the news: rallying women to Clinton with misogynist rhetoric isn't working

[Sarah Ibarruri]

5. Uh.... excuse me but I'm an Obama woman, and I think what she described is very real....

Obama, Clinton, Edwards, or whoever you're in favor of.

[guyanakoolaid]

7. It may have been real, but its vagueness left no doubt it was a generic call-to-arms for women

I mean come on. No right-minded person is going to deny that sexism exists. But that label has been used rather recklessly as of late, people are being painted with it unfairly, and again this wasn't exactly a very specific account

[Sarah Ibarruri]

12. Maybe you're right. I just hate for it to be taken lightly. nt

[Ellen Forradalom]

24. The vagueness makes the post pro-Clinton?

You make no sense. She's talking about her local Democratic party.

[Triana]

10. I KNOW what she described is very real...

..no matter WHO you support for President. I think enough of us have experienced it enough times from "progressive" men to know it's quite real.

I have accused numerous of them of being closet Republicans. They don't like that but that's what they sometimes act like.

SO WHAT if it was a "call to arms" for women? This is a WOMEN'S RIGHTS forum. This is where we discuss such matters.

[undeterred]

8. I'm not rallying for a particular candidate

I want to have a Healthcare not Warfare rally for PDA and my Dem party is threatened by it.

http://pdamerica.org/articles/misc/2008-02-29-14-19-42-misc.php

[Beregond2]

9. What makes

you think they aren't that way to each other?

[undeterred]

11. I think there is an organization there that I don't fit into

There are activists and politicians (of course those could be male or female, but they are mostly male). For anyone with political aspirations there are clear rules- you have to suck up and play the game to get where you want to go. Activists are a pain because we only want change and not political office- so no one can hold a threat over us.

I also think that being unmarried and female makes me more vulnerable - if I were married to someone important or had a husband answering the phone I doubt I would be bullied like this. A man would shout back or get in a fist fight and not feel as threatened by it as I did.

I think that they do act this way toward male activists too, and that some of them also avoid these same politicians.

The politicians enable each other to get away with it. They know that some among them are drunks and bullies to women, and they cover for them, like a big disfunctional family. So yeah I guess they probably are that way to each other and maybe they think thats normal.

I think I should be a socialist.

[knitter4democracy]

13. Wow. That sounds a lot like my county party.

Some women have managed to get some decent positions and run for office, etc., but that's because they cozy up to the men in power. The only reason they put up with me is because I work when I can and they want Hubby to run for office. Ugh.

[WildClarySage]

14. I'm secretary of our local soccer board of directors

and I've noticed that I (and the other female board members) get crap from the men when we speak out at meetings. I get talked over, talked down to and 'splained to. It is as if my only job should be to write down what the men-folkses say and I'm not supposed to have opinions of my own.

[Ellen Forradalom]

15. "Men Explain Things to Me. Facts Didn't Get in Their Way"

http://www.tomdispatch.com/post/174918/rebecca_solnit_the_archipelago_of_arrogance

On edit: Oh, there's another post about it in this forum. Still, entirely too apropos.

[WildClarySage]

16. I read that article

nodding my head the whole time. A good piece! Gonna go look for her books at our library thursday afternoon.

[Warpy]

20. Thank you for this one

"Surely one of these men has died of embarrassment, but not nearly publicly enough."

Oh, that line alone made my day. I'm always being lectured on my field by male halfwits . They just never realize how utterly ridiculous they look and sound and how hard it is to keep from bursting out at some of the howlers they come up with as they pontificate on health care to someone who has been in the trenches for over two decades.

I have learned to sit and nod and ask if they are done when they finally come up for air. I don't bother to correct their misconceptions because they are so firmly in love with the image of themselves as great experts with knowledge superior to that of any mere woman that they would never hear a word of it and would only be planning another soliloquy to launch into, their version of "conversation."

Asking if they're done puts enough of an end to it that I am able to make my escape to someplace I can laugh out loud.

[undeterred]

18. Well the 26 year old just can't stop himself from giving me advice

and the 'splaining makes me want to give him a spanking. So I have had to smack him around to tell him that I DON'T WANT HIS ADVICE. Finally he stops and says "Then why did you call me?" It took half an hour to get to that point.

Why can't he just pick up the goddam phone and say, "What's up?" Instead he has to try to palm off half of his work on me, tell me my organization (which he knows fucking nothing about) needs strategic direction and then when I get angry he describes me as "smashing into everything". So I said fine, I wasn't going to say anything but by the way, you're "arrogant, sexist, and domineering". I get off the phone and send him an email saying Never mind, I'll work with someone else. Then he's angry and I'm the one who is overreacting.

Ever notice that? A woman gets a little tiny bit of power and the men instantly overreact and try to corral her. They gang up on her, shout at her, isolate her, lie to her. This guy is transparently trying to get me to do his work and I told him so.

And then its always the woman thats overreacting. They don't see their own overreacting at all. They're such jealous little babies. Call the WAAMMBULANCE.

[Ellen Forradalom]

21. "Then why did you call me?"

Wow, did he say a MOUTHFUL. Clearly this man has NO clue what collaboration means.

[undeterred]

22. Its worse than the men you can't get to help you at all.

Thankfully, my assemblyman was just right. He called me back, we talked for half an hour about what I needed him to do for me. He said I can't help you plan the event or anything else, but I'll be glad to speak at it. Just keep me posted. And he listened to me when I was talking. This guy is about my age.

The young one has something to prove.

[Ellen Forradalom]

23. Oh those young Turks are a real pain in the ass

Information technology is just FULL of these blustering bellows. Listening to them in a meeting argue over technological alternatives is like watching two mountain goats butt heads. Hilarious.

On edit: the assemblyman sounds like a gem. Listens to you, tells you exactly what he can and cannot do, plays it straight. Is that too much to ask for?

[undeterred]

25. Oh that's too funny- the young one actually called himself a young Turk

when he stood up and asked a question (well it was more like making a statement) in a room full of people. And I've seen him dominate a meeting with 30 people in the room where he didn't know anyone except me. He could have asked the questions afterwards but he was showing off.

I am in IT too. I have been banging my head on the ceiling for a while now. I don't "talk Tech" very well and the men are blustery. No communication skills, and they are proud of the fact that "I haven't talked to an end user in X years".

[Ellen Forradalom]

26. This guy's on track to become a VP of Thinking Outside the Box

All he cares about is power. He's going to need a verbal evisceration. Hire some good writers to supply you with zingers on 3x5 cards.

As for taking pride in the fact that you don't deal with customers...that's just WRONG. Who's paying their salaries? Those guys deserve a good smack-down.

[undeterred]

27. He actually told me in an email a few months ago

that he was going to show me how to "craft power". He is the biggest suckup in the history of the world and everyone thinks so. I told him "no thanks" that we did not share the same values, because that is language I would never use. I am twice his age and he talks to me like I am a teenager.

I work on campaigns in order to help people who wish to serve in Congress. I have no political aspirations of my own, and I say what I think- including criticizing my own representative. He is the great defender of the status quo, and considers himself a "reformer."

The tech guys- well our skills turn out to be sort of complimentary. I can't tell you how many times a problem can be solved by really listening to someone and finding out what it is they need. When someone is non-technical they don't know what to ask for, so you have to be ready to offer solutions. The men tend to just take things at face value and make fun of people.

[Iris]

17. You're not alone - check this out from Salon about male Obama supporters

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2008/04/14/obama_supporters/

[undeterred]

19. I agree. I am not a Hillary supporter BUT

the way men talk about her- you can't tell the Democrats from the Republicans. I expect Republican men to be sexist. But when I find out that the Democratic men are actually happy things haven't worked out with Clinton because they don't like her personality I want to slap them. They are no better than the Repubs. I just tell them to shut it.