The brilliant Rebecca Solnit !! Doesn't this sound familiar?

[Duppers]

Being told that, categorically, he knows what he's talking about and she doesn't, however minor a part of any given conversation, perpetuates the ugliness of this world and holds back its light. After my book Wanderlust came out in 2000, I found myself better able to resist being bullied out of my own perceptions and interpretations. On two occasions around that time, I objected to the behavior of a man, only to be told that the incidents hadn't happened at all as I said, that I was subjective, delusional, overwrought, dishonest -- in a nutshell, female.

...Men explain things to me, still. And no man has ever apologized for explaining, wrongly, things that I know and they don't.

http://www.alternet.org/module/printversion/82222

There are so many, many things I wanted to quote in this article---the paragraph here doesn't do it justice. Please, just read it all.

It's all about their perceived "cock privilege", as Warpy so succinctly puts it.

It reminds me of this OP:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=229&topic_id=9847&mesg_id=9847

[PeaceNikki]

1. Hmmm... "Cock privilege".

It reminds me of a sitution I see on a regular basis:

Women at my company sit in a meeting with a chauvinistic CFO who intentionally or not, refuses to directly address women. Even if a female in the room is the resident expert on a topic, he will always defer to a male. He will ask all males in the room for input and completely disregard the women. Anytime a women offers input, he will defer to a male for "verification" of its accuracy.

It's subtle, in a sick way, and goes wholly unnoticed by the men in a group until pointed out.

Witnessing the subtlety and offensive nature of his actions is breathtaking. I discussed his misogynistic attitude with a co-worker and he said "but CFO has all women in his department" and I said "yes, because CFO can pay them a fraction of what men would get AND he can dominate them!!" My co-worker/friend (a male) thought about it and NOW sees what I mean.

The subtlety and unintentional nature of the actions is what bothers me most. It's so second nature for some to dismiss women and so socially accepted that some don't even notice. We still have a long way to go, my friends.

[undeterred]

2. Thats me. I emailed the article to the 26 year old offender

I've known him for a couple years, pretty well, and it wasn't until he got into a chair position by accident that his attitude got totally out of control. In an older man I might give up sooner. But with him, I've given a couple of warnings in the last few months, to no avail. After I read that article the other night, I emailed the link to him, with just a few sections pasted in the email.

The article came along at just the right time. But somehow I have the feeling it isn't going to make any difference. About 6 months ago a couple of men who are closer to my age complained to me that he was turning into a total suckup to people in power and they were really annoyed with him. They sounded jealous- but they were seeing the same personality change I was. They gave him a "warning". Well, if he didn't listen to them, he sure isn't going to listen to Rebecca Solnit! (or me!)

I think sometimes, all you can do, is find another way. There are other people, male and female, who I can work with to get what I need without being "splained to", and I will.

[Duppers]

3. I've been in your shoes too

Warpy had some good advice on that thread...and do I ever wish you luck.

I once went so far as having a big, bulky friend visit their office with me. Strange just how some physical presence will tempter the situation a bit. And Sen. Clinton has given us great examples in handling these assholes. (This is not a plug for her candidacy, since I'm in Obama camp now.)

And my apologies to you, to Ellen Forradalom, and to all because I had not read her post in your thread before posting yet another link to Solnit's recent article.

Anywho, keep us posted.

[undeterred]

4. Its a great article

I felt like sending it to every woman I know, but I restrained myself.

I have the feeling that what will happen - what happens with men like this if they think you have something they need - is that they "negotiate" with you by pretending to be cooperative and listen to you, but once you're back into the situation, its the same old thing.

Narcissists have little motivation to change. Look at Congress! :scared: