Poverty can make a person think crazy thoughts

[yellerpup]

In 1965, at the end of the second term when I was in the tenth grade, my dad lost his job in the oil fields of Oklahoma. Oil production was slowing in the mid-1960’s so there were no more jobs to be had in his area of expertise and there were no career re-training programs like there are now. We moved to a very small town where it was cheap to live and rented a house across the creek from my grandparents farm for $30 a month.

The only job my dad could get was a job working on commission selling “orange drink” – not orange juice, but a drink more like Kool-Aid – door to door. It took him quite a while to find that job, and he didn’t even earn a paycheck for it most of the time. My mom got a job cooking at a café fifteen miles away. Her hours were from 5:30 AM to 5:30 PM and her pay was $5.00 per shift. That works out to sixty cents an hour. I turned sixteen that spring.

At my new school, there were a total of eight sophomores in my class. I liked school and made good grades, and because of the dearth of competition, I also lettered in track and softball that spring. With only eleven girls in the entire school, grades 9-12, it was not hard to find a place on any of the sports teams, all we had to do was show up…

Most of the kids in that school lived beneath the poverty level. I don’t remember what the dollar amount poverty level was when Lyndon Johnson’s War on Poverty started but I do know that the first minimum wage was set at $1.60 per hour. When Mr. Palmer, our high school principal found out how our family was struggling (my mom and dad never asked for help, so I don’t know how he knew) Mr. Palmer called me into his office and offered me a job in the cafeteria through the Neighborhood Youth Corps, part of the War on Poverty program. Depending on what work needed to be done, I worked every day for at least an hour before school and for at least two hours after school doing jobs like sorting beans, washing and making salads, stocking the milk bins, sweeping, mopping, and waxing the cafeteria floor. The work was physical and not exciting, but not nearly as hard as what my mom was doing. When I worked the minimum of fifteen hours I made almost as much as my mom made working a six-day-72-hour week.

During the summer months, I babysat my younger brother and sister and cooked breakfast and lunch for them as well as the family’s evening meal so my mom, who was on her feet all day long, didn’t have to keep working after she came home. I did our laundry and took in ironing from people around town, charging $1 for a dozen pieces, I worked in the garden and scrubbed the big cooking pots at the local café two nights a week for seventy-five cents an hour. Restaurants, then as now, are not required to pay their workers minimum wage. When school started again in the fall and I began earning minimum wage again, I felt rich! When your family is broke, people feel awkward and you feel that you have make up for their discomfort by apologizing for living.

That fall, I managed to stay on the honor roll, letter in basketball and volleyball, represent my school in the Fairest of the Fair competition at the State Fair, appear in the Christmas pageant and keep my job washing pots in the restaurant. My mom demanded a raise at the café, so they fired her. The good thing was that Mom was able to stay home and take care of the little ones again. I also stopped taking in ironing. Dad began getting temporary jobs as a laborer, so he was bringing in some money, but he still didn’t have a job that he was proud of and he became very depressed.

One night I came home and Dad was crying really hard. My dad almost never cried—the only time I had seem him cry was when he had to sell our nice Ford station wagon and buy a clunker that was so embarrassing to be seen in that we would all sink down low and pretend we didn’t notice anyone who waved. Dad was as low as a person can get that night and when I walked in his eyes were puffy and blistered looking. Mom and my brother and sister were all trying to cheer him up, but nothing was working.

He howled in outrage, “We don’t have a life anymore. I never asked anybody for anything. I worked hard all my life and here we are now–on welfare…” he fixed his gaze on me…“and you know that it’s all your fault, don’t you?”

I said, “We aren’t on welfare, Daddy! I have a job! I work for the money I get; that’s not welfare.”

He sneered, “My daughter is paying our bills off a government program that Martin Luther King and Lyndon Johnson cooked up together. It’s welfare and it’s worse than welfare!” He cursed a blue streak; Dad was a mighty cusser. “It’s communism!”

That’s when I realized that he was deeply, personally angry with me but I did not understand why. I sensed that anything I said would not be taken well, so I said nothing.

He said, “I’ve started thinking that if I don’t get a job by Christmas, then all of us would probably be better off dead.”

Mom grabbed him and gasped, “No, no, honey. Don’t say that! Don’t even think that!”

My little brother and sister started crying, too, and they both piled on him and showered him with their innocent kisses, “No, Daddy, no! Don’t cry, Daddy! Be happy, Daddy! We love you! Don’t be sad.”

They all had their arms wrapped around him and they couldn’t see his face. He glared at me out of those red-rimmed eyes and I knew that he meant every word and that he was still thinking about killing us all. I lost all respect for him in that moment, when I realized that his pride meant more to him than all our lives.

I stopped going home after work and went to my friend’s house instead. I knew that there was nothing I could do except to keep working and keep doing what I knew was right. I still paid the rent, but I stayed off his radar because I didn’t trust him. Lucky for our family, he found a job before Christmas.

[peace13]

1. Thank you for that.

A very sad story told in a beautiful way. Peace, Kim

[yellerpup]

3. And peace to you, too, Kim.

Thanks.

[annabanana]

2. Wow, yellerpup

That's a hell of a story. My father spent many of his younger years in grinding poverty. The one story that he told me was the shame he felt one day when a (better off) friend, who had been invited to dinner, looked at the plate in front of him and said "That looks very good, but where is everyone else's?", not knowing that it was meant for everyone at the table.

Dad went to war, then college on the G.I. Bill and was able to provide us with a much more secure childhood than he had had. I've never gotten him to talk much about it.

People who have always been comfortable, or at least not terribly insecure in the food & shelter department, don't know how hard it is physically as well as emotionally to eke out a subsistence level existence.

[yellerpup]

5. That's quite a story, too, annabanana.

My heart swelled when I read that your dad went to school on the GI bill and did well. My dad tried going to school but became offended when he was assessed as 'lacking empathy'. I charge that up to PTSD from his two tours of Korea. Coping with poverty is a job in itself, a person shouldn't have to feel ashamed as well.

[wellstone dem]

50. My Dad's life (and therefore mine) was also changed by the GI bill

My dad was 1st in his high school class in North Dakota, or course that first out of four. His family lost their farm during the depression. After graduation, he became an oil truck driver in Western North Dakota. He tried to enlist, but his teeth and eyes were too bad, but once Pearl Harbor was attacked, he was drafted. Before going overseas he was in Florida. He was taking a bus one day, and a pregnant black woman got on the bus. He stood up to give her his seat and the bus driver yelled, "Sit down boy!" The woman said, "Don't make no trouble white boy." Dad got off at the next stop and walked to town.

Dad served in India. At the end of the war (having converted to Catholicism in India), he returned to North Dakota. A parish priest helped him enroll in a Catholic College in Minnesota. As his Dad tried to find transportation to Minnesota, one man said that farmers weren't supposed to go to college. Grandpa just got mad, and found another way. Dad made it to college a week after classes started. (He met my mom in college.) Dad graduated, taught high school English for two years, then joined the education department of the college. He taught child development (taking his kids to class as demonstrations of the different stages of development or arrested development) and eventually human relations.

I read an interview done with my dad, by a masters level student doing a paper on changes in education. Even back in the 70s, Dad was talking about the importance of the "common good" in structuring our communities.

Dad's 89 now, oh how I love that man.

[yellerpup]

53. What a wonderful remembrance!

I think I love him, too! Thanks so much for sharing your dad's story. Give him a :hug: when you see him. Citizens like your dad, who fight for our liberties and spend their lives working for the common good are the heart and soul of America.

[Imalittleteapot]

4. Geez, yellerpup.

Few of us have been through what your family endured. Thanks for sharing.

[yellerpup]

6. The fewer the better as far as I'm concerned!!

We are the change we have been waiting for.

[AnneD]

7. I hear you....

Sounds familiar to me. The only thing that makes you crazier than poverty is hunger.

[yellerpup]

9. I have never suffered that.

And since you seem to know, I hope you never suffer it again. No one should be hungry. Ever.

[truedelphi]

8. Jeez Louise. What a sorry tale. I am so sorry that at such a young age

You had those experiences.

I am also outraged at your father, that he would hold on to such crummy beliefs and also blame you!!

I don't know what else to add. I hope that somewhere along the way, someone else made up for the damage that your Daddy did.

[yellerpup]

12. I am one of the happiest people you will ever meet.

I have been loved, but not by my father. It was important to him that I should harbor no such illusions. When I was a kid, I was just trying to do a good job and help out as much as I could. I didn't have time to be resentful. Now, I am lucky in so many ways and this year I even got a job helping people! I don't have much money, but I have what I need. I hope you do, too!

[truedelphi]

14. A little bit more so than six months ago

A family member who was shunning me (for over twenty years) called on Thanksgiving to ask if we could make up.

It felt like winning the lottery.

[yellerpup]

17. Yeah, truedelphi! Like that!

:hug:

[truedelphi]

19. Back at you...

:hug: <with much affection>

[babylonsister]

10. I don't think he was angry with you so much as with himself

for being in that position through no fault of his own. You might have won 'whipping post' that night. I don't know many people who don't have one.

I hope you mended your relationship eventually.

And thank you for sharing your personal story.

[yellerpup]

15. He never forgave me for being a Democrat!

And how could I possibly grow up to be anything else after being saved by LBJ, MLK, and the War on Poverty? I always enjoy your posts.

[babylonsister]

22. But you were just working and trying to help.

Did you even know you were a Democrat?
Many kids knew they had to share their wages. My husband did likewise and his parents were employed-in mid- to later 60s. I give you all great props, because I didn't have to do so. I never worked as hard as you did either. :hug:

[yellerpup]

26. I tried to set him straight about the "n" word when I was in the 3rd Grade.

We argued bitterly about civil rights almost every day from the time I was 8 until I left home at 18. Whatever he was for, I automatically mistrusted. He just hated me more when I was paying his rent.

[babylonsister]

28. "You tried to set him straight"

I got kicked out of my house at 17 for voicing my opinion. My dad: if you don't agree, get out.

I did, and my twin sister left a week later.

I don't ever recall having a 'political' conversation prior to that, other than Mom and her opinions.

So your folks made you think if you had conversations like this. For better or worse...

[yellerpup]

31. Mom wouldn't let him kick me out...

she agreed with him, but I was more dependable. LOL! That must have been a shock for you, to be tossed out for expressing your very first contrary opinion. I hope he eventually apologized and begged you and your sister to come home again. :hug: Although, I still take great comfort in knowing I was right and I bet you do, too.

[FirstLight]

11. wow, thanks for sharing

I clicked on this thread because I thought it may be a study that would make some senseof the depression and anxiety that I deal with on a daily basis, instead I have a vision of what it could have been like so many years ago being poor, and how lucky I am at this very momnet, even in our struggle

My heart goes out to you...and ye I can't hep but think that it was almost easier then because you could take inironing and find a job in the school cafeteria, where npow there ar permits and laws that prevent little things like that in some ways for a teen...in other ways, I am grateful that programs like the one you were involved with have evolved to include myself as I am working towards self sufficiency through a HUD program

times are getting tougher, we need to realize that many more will be dealing with this mental trauma in the near future and it will last longer too..
compassion is the key

[yellerpup]

20. My heart is with you, too!

It is tougher now. The point I was trying to make is you never know where the next stressor is coming from. I wish you the best in gaining your self sufficiency in short order. You'll do great once you get through the hard part. ;)

[juno jones]

13. K&R! n/t

[yellerpup]

37. Thanks.

:hi:

[jwirr]

16. Thank you for sharing, My story comes from a bit earlier - the 1950s

when small farmers were going down left and right. I too worked in the school cafeteria for free lunches for myself and brother and worked as a maid in a wealthy household for $40 a week in off school times. The big difference for my family was that we were all very supportive of what each did to help in the situation. I think that may be because my parents had experienced the Great Depression as children and they did not accept the idea of boot straps and self-reliance. They would have made good union members with their Democratic values of working for the common good. All of us kids (4) are very thankful that we experienced this time in our lives - it is what makes us who we are now. It helps us understand what many today are going through.

[yellerpup]

23. It does make us more empathetic.

I was a very mature child, but isn't that what most kids want to be? Grown up and responsible? My mother was grateful, my grandparents were supportive and affectionate. My poor dad had problems the family couldn't touch.

[jwirr]

38. I think that men in general are nurtured to think they and they alone

must stand up to every problem. Many cannot get beyond that feeling.

[yellerpup]

42. Yes, and how lonely that must be.

He was raised by loving and supportive parents but was dehumanized by war. He was outraged that after what he had sacrificed in the war, the country had nothing to give (that he was willing to accept). He refused to file for unemployment because he considered that welfare. You're right. He didn't want help, he wanted to be doing it on his own.

[.... callchet ....]

39. Fortunate

You were very lucky to have had a family pay you $40 week in the 50's. Did you keep in touch with them.

[jwirr]

41. I know where they are all at but they do not know about me. Our families

go back generations but they have only the two boys left. They were my own age and embarrassed that I was working for them.

[.... callchet ....]

43. That

must be why we both have the same pic. Similiar stories.

[know_your_enemy]

18. I Shared The Experience Almost Daily

Growing up on a farm in Tennessee in the 80's and 90's we were always in abject poverty. My father was a hardened man who always tended to the property no matter what. Deep inside we all knew that he loved us, or he wouldn't wake up every morning and toil endless hours to no monetary avail. I worked with him until it was my time to go, because I was so tired of going hungry and without the luxuries in life.

He would be constantly angry that his life led him to this position, and he was constantly stressed out and angry.He would beat up on my mother, berate us, etc. Though these behaviors are unacceptable, I now view them as coming from a man stretched too far.

Luckily he forced my sister and I to go to college and get an education. I had to go through the military to get mine and my sister worked her way through. We are better people for it, and my father who is always preaching you reap what you sow is nothing but right.

[yellerpup]

24. That's an amazing story of survival, k_y_e

I'm glad you and your sister were inspired by your father (by whatever means necessary!) to do the very thing that would keep you from repeating his bitter experience. He must be miles happier now and more peaceful, I hope. Thanks for sharing that with me. Sow joy and watch it come a'cropper!

[Fireweed247]

21. wow, what a story.

Thank you for sharing it.

[yellerpup]

27. Thank you.

[Snarkoleptic]

25. Thank you Bushco for the crazy thoughts I'm having!

I made $115K+ every year since 2002. In 2007 I made $60K.

Last year I was put on a base plus commission plan that is really all base.
I have the same duties as 2007, but am now below the poverty level based on figures for a family of 3.
I've lost so much faith in the American dream since being screwed by the rethug elephant.

A few days ago my staunchly republican mother made a comment that we're about to get some change (thinly veiled disgust over the loss of grandpa mcsame). My only response was that the only thing I have left is the pocket change that bushco has left me with.

I'm optomistic, but near the end of my rope (not to mention my savings and 401(k)).

Anyone hiring in NW suburban Chicago?

[yellerpup]

29. Don't give up now.

We are going to CHANGE what needs changing. I don't think it's going to be Fat City for a while, but we'll get through it even though it's going to be rough going for a while. I'm glad you still have a base salary--that's good!--but I do hope you aren't trying to earn commissions selling orange drink door-to-door. :hug: It will get better.

[Snarkoleptic]

30. Thanks for the uplifting comments.

It's odd that your screen name is yellerpup as the shitstorm began right around the time my 13-year old beloved yellow lab had to be put down. I'm confident that the damage done by bushco will be gradually undone and we'll all return to prosperity. Mebbe get a yellow lab pup as well.

[yellerpup]

32. I'm glad my screen name took you to a loving memory.

Better times, puppy love and hope for the future. Let's go with that. :hug:

[JeffR]

33. That's an unforgettable story.

My God.

Thank you for posting this.

[yellerpup]

35. You started it!

Remembering Sapphire Blue. Thanks for that.

[.... callchet ....]

34. God bless you

The Royals in England accept their welfare with such grace

[yellerpup]

36. And god bless you...

:rofl:

[.... callchet ....]

40. I grew up

in a coal mining town in eastern Ohio. I used to go to the company store with my dad. My family had always been involved in labor issues. Most of my relatives were black balled for union activities. But you know, even back then there was strife among the poor. People did not know who caused their problems. The unfortunate were looked on as deadbeats. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness had no meaning, much the same that they try to teach it today.

[yellerpup]

44. Well, when the light comes back on later this month and we get a new

principal in the school that teaches life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, we will have a new opportunity to organize our country so that the priorities are in alignment with our ethics and ideals. I dream that there are enough of us who want change so that people don't have to starve or freeze or die because they can't get healthcare. I vote for hope and I'm willing to work for it.

[.... callchet ....]

45. You know

the job before him is going to be the toughest job anyone has ever had in the history of the world. He is going to have to raise taxes on the rich.

He is going to have to raise taxes on their savings and assets. Then he is going to have to spend that money on the people that the rich despise. He

is going to have to put a load on the health system by caring for more people. ANd more and more.

" People First "

[yellerpup]

47. All the more reason to admire each one of the Democratic contenders for

the presidency when they fought so hard to get the toughest job in the world. Bushco has been tearing down everything he can get his hands on trying to completely dismantle our government so that it cannot be used to serve the people. The super rich never want to share because of that bizarre sense of entitlement they hold that tells them "I earned this," no matter how many hours of labor others put into making the money. We need to start funding medical schools ourselves so that the pharmaceutical companies don't call the shots on how many doctors we can have in this country. Lots of change is coming. I don't expect that everything will get fixed, but maybe we can get on a path to renewal that changes the way we think about going forward.

[SpookyCat]

46. Thank you yellerpup for sharing that amazing story.

Fear and self worth issues can take a person to terrible places.

I'm amazed at how you've kept your optimism. I struggle with bitterness and misanthropy on a daily basis. You are a wonderful example.

:hug:

[yellerpup]

48. Fear is the greatest crippler of all, IMO.

I also feel a sense of optimism coming from you, SpookyCat. Like you, I struggle with bitter feelings but work consciously on forgiveness. When I can remember all of my past with acceptance I will know that I am healed. Peace. :hug:

[I Have A Dream]

49. I'm so, so sorry that this happened to you.

My family also lived in poverty when I was growing up, and I had to work. However, I only had to use my money for my expenses.

I hope that you're no longer in pain because of the way your father treated you. :hug:

[yellerpup]

52. I struggled to be reconciled with him for as long as he lived.

Now that he can't hurt me, I am fine. Thanks for your good wishes. As you and I know, it is not a tragedy for teens to support their own expenses. What is hard is when the utilities go off and your pet fish freeze solid in their bowl in the living room while you sleep! (Then again, it could have been worse...) :hug:

[I Have A Dream]

55. That happened to me as well.

My pet fish also froze. :(

Yes, I am stronger because of what I went through as a child. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, but I also wouldn't change quite a bit of it. I never went without food at least.

:hug:

[yellerpup]

56. Wow! You're the only other person I've ever met whose fish froze inside

inside the house! We weren't hungry either, but we had meals like: boiled potatoes in their jackets with bacon grease and maybe one shared strip of bacon for the three of us children crumbled over for garnish, and once my mom got a good deal on a case of stewed tomatoes with okra. I liked it at first, but got sick of that pretty quickly. We ate a lot of beans and I still do. Starvation is the cruelest fate for children, and I am grateful that neither of us had to deal with that. I hope you have a wonderful 2009.

[wellstone dem]

51. What a story, what strength

thank you for posting.

[yellerpup]

54. Thank you.

Your inspiring portrait of your father helps us to know where you get your compassion.

[mackerel]

57. Pride is a funny thing.

Not filing for unemployment when you're entitled is refusing to see the big picture. We all pay into unemployment and I'm sure your Father had paid his fair share over the years.

Glad to see you grew up confident as many people in the same shoes grow up to be very troubled themselves.

[yellerpup]

58. Good point. Refusing to see the big picture...

He did pay into unemployment, but he resented paying taxes of any kind, he hated unions, he despised religion (except for the war god, Aries) and he became a confirmed 'ditto head' in his later years. I had already rejected his philosophies by the time I was 8 and the last thing I wanted to be was like either of my parents. My best coping strategy was to move away and stay away. I am also reminded of a quote of James Brown, when asked "why?" after he was arrested for assaulting his wife, said, "Love is a funny thing."