uncylcopedia's entry for veganism is a riot

[LeftyMom]

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Vegan

Vegan
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“I will promise as of now to kill 20 vegans in my lifetime”

~ Oscar Wilde on Vegans

Vegans are a group of people known for their cruel and unethical treatment of plants. They often eat plant ovaries and embryos, something which most of today's society considers barbaric. Vegans often ignore the sickening conditions present in the "killing fields" in which plants are grown. They are packed together with barely any room to move and forced to grow in a mixture of dirt and animal excrement. As they reach maturity, they are torn from the ground and cut mercilessly by gigantic, unclean machinery. Despite the health risks posed by eating fruit (proven by Dr. Atkins), Vegans continue their cruel actions on the sole basis that "it tastes good".

Vegans also destroy planets to build hyperspace bypasses. You'd think the bypass would avoid the need to destroy the planets, but the Vegans don't seem to think so. Vegans are famous for their incredibly bad poetry, which is the third-worst in the Universe. They are hideous and green-skinned and ... generally not too good-looking. Biologically, they are vastly different from humans. They suffer a taste-bud deficiency which causes them to have a preference for animal species that are widely regarded as bitter and poisonous to humans, such as tempeh, tofu, seitan, and messenger bags. After eating these bitter and poisonous foods, vegans release even more bitter and more poisonous gasses from their anuses.

The second-in-command on the TV show Star Trek was a Vegan. He had green blood, slightly green skin, pointed ears and arched eyebrows. And no emotions that he'd admit to.

In his honour, there is a fashion among Earth people to reject meat and all animal-derived products. So, no bacon, no eggs, no milk, no leather. Fortunately for vegan fetishists, they still have PVC.

[NMMNG]

1. Cute

Mmmmm, messenger bags.