I lied about what I was eating

[bertha katzenengel]

The scene: a monthly lunch of all the staff on my floor at work. About 15 women. Some people brown bag it, some get food from the cafe downstairs, but most usually place a big order of Chinese.

I told everyone I was eating a tofu* dish to try to get used to it, because when I go home in November my niece is going to cook some for me and I want to be able to eat it without making a face.

Now that is partially true. My niece has learned to cook tofu; I'm going home in November; I'll eat what she cooks for me. But as you all know, that's not why I was eating tofu.

I've worked w/ these people for five years and someday, it will occur to someone that they haven't seen me eat meat for some time, and someone will say something.

But I'm not ready for that. I'm staying in the closet for as long as I can, primarily because I am not ready for the two things I'll hear:

1. "Well, that's one way to lose weight - so, good for you!" (with great condescension)

2. has to do with the asterisk* above. The dish was called "Mr Katz's Crispy Fried Bean Curd," so that's what I told everyone I was eating. For ten minutes, whenever a new person walked into the room, Miss Congeniality -- known company-wide for her negativity -- told them "Bertha's having bean turd." It's primarily for her attitude that I'm not ready to come out. I don't want to have to explain myself, and believe me, some people at work will feel like they have a right to demand an explanation.

I'm just not ready. Y'know, I'm just so weak . . . so very weak . . . it's been three long weeks since I've had any meat and I think I'm getting sick. ;)

[smbolisnch]

1. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that Bertha!

We all know how hard it can be to deal with other people's reactions, good and bad. Sometimes, you just don't want you food to be the center of the discussion.

Don't feel bad! :hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

7. I NEVER want food to be the center of the discussion!

I'm obese and last year I joined - with much fanfare, for I had done my research and I KNEW this was the answer for me - a medical weight loss program. Weekly visits w/ nutritionist. Monthly visits w/ doctor. Classes. Group (that is, group therapy). Therapists on call. An exercise program with certified trainers. Etc. All for the price of admission. I knew that with this kind of support, I could finally do it.

And Mrs. V. and I decided that the expense -- $450 per month -- was worth the sacrifice.

Insurance? My insurance would cover the monthly doctor visit only, and, since he wasn't a provider, only at 60%, and only after I'd met my out-of-plan deductible of $850. The doctor-visit portion of that monthly fee was $85. You can do the math.

We couldn't afford it and I had to quit after ten weeks.

Several weeks ago, during an email exchange with my boss about a doc visit etc., etc., I said something about "yeah, don't get me started on insurance, if they would've paid for the GW weight loss program . . . " she came back with, "is THAT why you quit?" My boss fucking assumed (without ever asking a single god damned thing) I quit because I was just the typical fat person, too lazy to buckle down. AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So, no. I don't want food to be the center of ANY conversation.

Oh, and one other thing: my insurance WILL cover me, as long as I use in-plan providers for everything, for bariatric surgery. :mad:

[friesianrider]

2. Hang in there, Bertha.

You don't have anything to explain at all! And if you want to explain, you do it whenever you're good and ready.

One of my very good friends is from a huge Italian family and often I go to her place for holidays since we practically grew up together. At first, I was the butt of every joke the whole family could think of. I got picked on constantly...but, I stood my ground and pointed out all the logical and GOOD reasons to become veg. I took their criticisms with a grain of salt and didn't let them bring me down.

Now, not only can I expect veggie burgers or a veggie roast at every holiday dinner, but I've actually persuaded two of her hardcore family members to become veg! One of them is actually her aunt, who has lost 15 pounds and significantly reduced her cholesterol since becoming a veg.

You're doing the right thing - you know it! :) Don't worry about what others say. :hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

5. thanks, friesianrider

It's good to know that few would out me.

[flvegan]

3. Sick? My sarcasm senses are tingling...

You know, the closet is where the Christmas gifts are. Stay in there as long as you need to. Nothing wrong with that, bk. You don't owe anybody anything.

[bertha katzenengel]

4. I like that.

Where the Christmas gifs are.

Of course it's been said of some gay folk, "She's so far in the closet she's in danger of becoming a garment bag."

I was kidding about feeling weak. Hell, I could power my whole house if only I could harness this gas . . . ;)

[flvegan]

6. You're detoxing. It'll be over soon.

I stole the closet/Christmas gift link from my GLBT brethren/sistren, I admit. Good company to be in, IMHO.

[bertha katzenengel]

8. Heh heh. We are good company to be in.

Bertha = queer as a three dollar bill :hi:

[flvegan]

9. And I'm right there with ya.

$3 bill here.

[bertha katzenengel]

10. Dude...

I am so obtuse. :hi:

edit: I should've known when you said "brethren/sistren" :rofl:

[Kenneth ken]

11. I'm glad you're not really getting sick

:)

I think it's fine for you to stay in the closet as long as you want, but I am a bit concerned about worry weighing on you as long as you do. It can be like living your life walking on eggshells; what will I say when someone notices? Being lesbian, I suspect you already know that being in any closet is more tiring than being open. (I think I remember reading that you are open about your sexuality at work, but maybe I'm misremembering)

I had thought maybe you could send a company-wide email that said 'I went veg. Deal with it.' Love, Bertha

but since you don't want food to be the center of conversation, that might not be a great plan. :)

Here's something I used to do relative to any conversation I didn't want to have, I would just say, "Pass. Next topic." and ignore anything further along the lines of the convo I didn't want to have.

It's important to remember some people are just rude, and think they have the right to nose into other peoples' live any time they want. Those people really don't deserve one's kindness and respect.

I dunno; just rambling thoughts trying to express compassion for you.

:hug: :hi:

[smbolisnch]

12. LOL, I like the email idea.

:)

[bertha katzenengel]

13. Thank you, dear Ken.

And may I say that your sig line is the worst one in all of DU-dom for telling us who you are? :hug:

[Kenneth ken]

19. my sig line comes from nsma

She said I was "charming as hell" - I'm just playing on that.

[livinginphotographs]

14. Easy answer = people are jerks.

Mrs. "Bean Turd" sounds like a real bitch, pardon my french.

I'm lucky to not have to deal with people like that, but I remember when my brother went vegan back in high school. My friends (and even me, I'm ashamed to admit) acted like complete pricks to him about it. Now he's paid me back by being incredibly helpful to me about my diet.

What I did was just let people notice on their own, and they stopped asking after a while. And instead of giving the long answer about why I went veg, I just say "ethical reasons" now.

No one knows how to handle your situations better than you, so don't feel bad about it. Just do what you have to do to feel comfortable. Like I said, some people are just jerks.

[CrispyQ]

15. I like the email idea above - lol.

Humor is always a good way to diffuse situations, especially ones caused by someone else's rude behavior. ;) You could go with a one liner if your food is commented on or if you're asked about your veggienes. My favorite is: I like to eat as far away from my own DNA as possible.

If any of them are eco-minded, you could learn a few points about the eco impact of meat eating & cite a new one each time someone comments. Nothing overly graphic. I find people are boggled about the environmental facts of vegetarian vs meat eating. Here's an article to read for starters.

http://www.vegsource.com/articles/boyan_environment.htm Earthsave

Howard Lyman's book "Mad Cowboy" is very good, too. Gives a history of how we've perverted animal husbandry & turned it into a nightmare industry. It's not graphic except in it's impact. Highly recommended.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0684845164/qid=1122830724/sr=8-3/ref=pd_bbs_sbs_3/002-2349647-1398402?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

I think bean curd sounds awful & always call it tofu. At least you can smile knowing that while Miss Congeniality teases that you are eating bean turd, she likely is, in fact, eating 'turd.' "Fast Food Nation" talks about how much feces is found in meat. It's got lots of good info & not all about just the food -- about the whole ff industry. Fascinating chapter on scent, too.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060938455/qid=1122830304/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_sbs_1/002-2349647-1398402?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

Just some ideas. The anti-veggie attitude is very similar to the right winger attitude. When you fire a fact or two at them, they don't know what to do because they are simply spewing talking points. You are suggesting something unexpected.

You are doing great! And how are you liking tofu, btw?

[Hun Joro]

16. Don't you just hate people?

At least some people, some of the time!

I can never understand carnivores' aversion to tofu - a nice, clean, healthy vegetable food - when what is on their plates is the rotting, artery-clogging bits of the corpse of a murdered creature, to be blunt! Maybe it's some deep-seated guilt on their part that makes them so hostile?

Anyway, I totally understand your predicament. You aren't weak, you just have the sensitivity those jerks lack.

[livinginphotographs]

17. Well said.

Personally, bean curd sounds better to me than dead flesh. But that's just me. :shrug:

[Dastard Stepchild]

18. Ehhhh.....

It's challenging enough to try new things without a select handful of fools smudging up the matter. :)

You'll mention it in due time. Or not at all.... as long as you are happy with your life and your diet, that is what is of utmost importance.