Help, help!! Mr. & Mrs. Spratt are getting desperate....!

[TygrBright]

OK, here are the factors that make up the problem, in no particular order:

1. My Darling Husband eats NO vegetable matter (potatoes don't count as vegetables) voluntarily except avocado, which I don't like (I can never get past that it looks like Yoda threw up.) As he puts it, "Fruits and vegetables? That would be orange soda and corn chips, right?" He won't ingest vegetable matter unless it is so processed and loaded with fats, sugars, etc., as to be unrecognizable.

2. The DH is diabetic and should limit 'fast' carb intake. (Processed carbs like flour, pasta, etc., and quick-converting carbs like sugar and potatoes.)

3. He doesn't like meat except barbecue, sausage, bacon, and everything else that's bad for you in any other than small quantities, and is indifferent to legumes unless they have a heavy, syrupy sauce, like Boston baked beans. This, he claims, is the result of "culinary abuse" by his first wife many decades ago when she decided to become a vegetarian gourmet and write cookbooks about it and fed him nothing but beans, seeds, nuts, and "rabbit food."

4. I am NOT a 'natural' cook, I don't especially LIKE cooking, and frequently get lousy results even when I've followed the recipe to the letter with all the ingredients exactly as specified. Also, we recently moved to Santa Fe (elev. 7000 ft.) where the laws of physics are embodied as Evil Invisible Kitchen Gremlins who live to thwart fools like me.

5. I am completely allergic to anything that comes out of the water (seafood like shrimp, scallops, etc., fish like tuna, snapper, etc., even seaweed, for petesqueaks) and mushrooms, and have sensitivity to high-acid foods like raw tomatoes.

6. I have lately become unalterably convinced that the root of a large chunk of all Americans' health problems (including ours) is the amount of PROCESSED SHIT that the agribusiness global exploiters have been pushing on us for decades, thus I am making a sincere effort to try and learn to cook.

Understand, I don't bar ANY particular type of food... fats, carbs, protiens, meats, white flour, sugar etc., except stuff that I'm allergic to. So I'm not trying to cook vegan or fat-free or anything like that. Just use real ingredients that haven't had a lot of chemical crap processed into them or drenched through them while growing.

I have a pretty good high-altitude baking cookbook (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: "Pie in the Sky" by Beverly M. Anderson) and can now, after several attempts, churn out a decent batch of oatmeal raisin cookies. Cakes still going 'flump!' but at least it's after they come out of the oven, maybe that's progress.

BTW, the DH is the type of diabetic that controls with medication, not insulin. He is, theoretically, supposed to limit sweets, but he has NO self-discipline and I will NOT nag. What we discovered when he tried to deal with the sweet tooth using fake sweeteners was two negative side effects: Terrible, terrible diarrhea, and the fact that he'd have to eat vast quantities to feel satisfied. I finally said 'screw that' and started making desserts with real sugar, honey, molasses, etc., and just serving small portions. Works like a charm. He eats far less sweet stuff by weight now and I've even managed to get him almost entirely off artificially sweetened sodas. If he can have a cookie or a little square of cake when he's craving sweets, it goes away for a long time. If he just has a diet soda or 'sugar free' cookie, he wants more in a few minutes.

So we have that (mostly) sorted. What I can't get down is the fixing of decent basic meals. I can't seem to make anything we both really LIKE except spaghetti, hot dogs, omelettes, quiche (WITHOUT VEG), sloppy joes, and the occasional pot roast or meat loaf with mashed potatoes. I can make macaroni salad that he likes but I hate, mac & cheese that he likes and I can deal with but don't especially like, and stir-fried noodles with chicken and peanut sauce where he picks out the chicken and eats the noodles and sauce. Also baked beans. And roast turkey with all the trimmings once a year.

Also, he loves soup but after a few dozen attempts I've given up on trying to make any that he'll eat except navy bean. I really am a lousy cook...

I need a couple of dozen easy-to-fix, reasonably healthy, meals that we can both eat to add to my repertoire.

Suggestions, anyone?

ANYONE?

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

beseechingly,
Bright

[Stinky The Clown]

1. I'm kinda where your DH is ... except no meds .... so far

Veggies are a funny thing. I'm 'tolerant' of them cooked. But I actually enjoy them raw, as in salads or similar concoctions .... or even the occasional raw carrot.

A few favorites:

Cucumber and onion salad - slice the cukes, skin on, and slice the onions. Cover with oil and vinegar, salt and pepper, and a few herbs (I like oregano and parsley).

Sparkly often makes chopped salads with diced (very small) veggies and a sort of vinaigrette with balsamic vinegar and olive oil. It is very healthy and I actually enjoy veggies in thbis that I really don't care for when cooked.

Would he eat this sort of thing?

[TygrBright]

3. Alas, no... I can get him to eat iceberg lettuce...

..with lots of bottled Thousand Island or Ranch dressing, but he picks out the veggies. If they're chopped too small he just picks our a few of the larger bits of lettuce and leaves the rest.

He isn't at all cranky or uncooperative about my attempts, he really does TRY to eat them. I made stir-fried teriyaki green beans the other night and he managed half a dozen or so (I made the sauce a little sweeter than I like it in the hopes it would do okay for him.) He actually prefers vegetables (if he HAS to eat them) cooked to mushy unidentifiability. He'll eat them in spaghetti sauce that way, or pot pies or soup.

Me, I prefer my veggies just barely not undercooked, and frequently snack on them raw.

Another complicating factor, though, is that with only the two of us, anything I buy or make or whatever has to be in SMALL quantities. I almost always halve recipes. Since about 65% of my attempts are failures or only just barely edible, I can't count on leftovers being eaten at all. The only exception is that when I make spaghetti sauce I make a lot and freeze the leftovers in 2-serving containers for later use.

But I hate having to throw away vegetables that have gone slimy or brown or whatever just because I haven't been able to use them up.

frustratedly,
Bright

[politicat]

2. Take a cooking class now. Last week, even.

You are dealing with multiple issues that are serious, and the first step is to learn to cook.

Your community college or community center will have them, and you will be paying a bit for them, but you need to learn to cook properly. I'd teach you if I didn't live 500 miles north (maybe Warpy has the time and talent?) but you have got to learn. I would suggest both of you take the class, because there's no reason he should get out of taking care of his own nutritional needs just because he managed to get married. No amount of sex is worth always being the one in the kitchen. Also, taking a high altitude class will get you over the gremlins.

2. Diabetes is no joke. Just because he's controlling with meds right now doesn't mean that he'll control with meds forever. Having seen one grandparent go through the utter agony of her kidneys asking for separate maintenance after years of Type II, he needs to see a nutritionist. In fact, you need to see one together and learn to work together on food. There are ways to make vegetables that are both tasty and appealing.

3. Shop the outer aisles. Produce, meat, deli, dairy. Avoid anything that comes in boxes or that has coupons. Simply prepared foods made with attention to detail are really much tastier and healthier than boxes full of things that can't be identified without a grad degree in organic chem. Grill a steak or a piece of chicken, chop up some fruit and mix a dip out of dry spices and yogurt, and you're set.

4. Get tough. You don't have to nag, but you don't have to be a doormat, either. My husband's ex and his mother did a number on his taste buds (neither could cook) but I finally told him that he could a) eat what I prepare; b) starve or c) learn to cook for himself. The wedding ring did not turn me into a short order cook. I take his tastes into consideration (he despises shellfish and strawberries, and would rather I didn't make short-grain rice) but sometimes, we have to eat fish and beans.

5. Potatoes aren't bad, as long as they're prepared simply. Baked, boiled, fried in a very little oil, mashed with yogurt and herbs instead of cream and butter or broiled are all fine. They're high in potassium and minerals, and pretty low in calories. They're also, if properly prepared, lower on the glycemic index than bread. (Pasta and potatoes both. Rice is a close 2nd, with brown better than white.)

[Warpy]

4. All good advice

I'd just add that any grownup can make his own lousy health decisions. We just have to hope the wakeup call doesn't kill them. Nagging just makes them dig in their heels. If he picks only the meat and potatoes from an otherwised varied meal, that's his problem.

You'll be able to coexist with the high altitude gremlins, you'll just adjust to the fact that everything is going to take a little longer to cook.

Do see a diabetes educator, though. One can be recommended by your primary doc. Your DH has to go, too. Amputations, heart disease, strokes, and dead kidneys are no joke.

[Dora]

5. Line of the week!!!

"No amount of sex is worth always being the one in the kitchen."

:rofl:

[liberalhistorian]

18. Well, yes, but what about if you haven't

had sex for a very long time??? :evilgrin: :bounce: :bounce:

[TygrBright]

21. Yeh... kind of depends on the quality of the sex, too....

heheheh...

There, at least, I have NO complaints!

happily,
Bright

[liberalhistorian]

22. Lucky you! I've been in such a long

drought that I'm beginning to think that no amount of water will be satisfying. :silly:

[TygrBright]

6. I've been thinking about a cooking class.

There is a good cooking school here, a little lah-di-dah (this is Santa Fe, after all) but they do run basic skills classes from time to time. The problem is that I do have SOME skills, I'd be bored to tears learning 101 basics (I know how to use utensils, I use a fast-read thermometer, know how to measure, cut, prepare ingredients, etc.) but I can't seem to find a happy medium between How To Grill A Hamburger and Boeuf Wellington, if you get my drift. After multiple attempts, I did figure out a high-altitude method for cooking reliable pot roast (thank heavens for slow cookers!) but I still can't figure out how to grill, broil, bake, or braise a chunk of turkey breast that will result in edibility.

2. We have seen a nutritionist. We have visited one together, a series of six visits. He HATED it, but he was very mannerly and pleasant throughout. He grasped a couple of basics, thank heavens, but 90% of it ran straight up against the oppositional brick wall in his head. I do need to have a serious talk with him, but he is odds-on THE most oppositional, stubborn, self-directed, internally-motivated individual I have ever known (probably why we clicked so hard, I'm the SECOND most etc., I've ever known...) Even when he intellectually acknowledges all the facts (and he did tons of homework when he got his diagnosis,) he manages to 'forget,' or rationalize or otherwise submarine the stuff he knows he 'should' do. But yes, I've slacked off the gentle reminding because to me it feels like manipulation, which we're both allergic to. The most effective tactic to get him to do anything is to let him know how much it worries ME when he doesn't do it... but that pitcher only travels so far to the well.

3. That's where I shop, alright. That (at the co-op) and the Farmer's Market. But he doesn't like steak and he doesn't like chicken, unless they're unrecognizable and tender to mushiness under heavy sauces. Nor does he like raw fruit, except the occasional apple. I am guessing that there might be some unaddressed food allergies or sensitivities there that could be ferretted out and addressed with enough effort, but no way will he make that effort. It's hard enough to get him to take his meds. He doesn't like anything "sour," including yogurt, sour cream, orange juice, lemonade, vinegar, etc. Unless it's balanced by plenty of sweet. (He just loves hot & sour soup, though... go figure!)

He loves mayonnaise and (gag!) 'Durkee's Famous Sauce'. If I put enough of that on anything, he'll eat it, but I can't bring myself to do it. He's like a parody of White People Food Sins. He doesn't demand I cook a certain way or even cook at all, he's perfectly happy noshing on junk food or going out. He loves it when I do cook something he can eat, and really does try hard when I'm experimenting with "healthy" stuff. He doesn't come over all hurt or cranky when what I make isn't (to him) edible. He just doesn't eat it, and then snacks on peanut butter crackers, white bread toast with jelly, and other stuff. It's not a 'doormat' issue, it's an issue of trying to figure out something that works for both of us, and so far I'm batting about a dollar-sixty. I'd like to break 200 at some point.

wistfully,
Bright

[politicat]

13. Are we married to the same guy??

DH has hemochomotosis and the picky blood that goes with it (weird cholesterol, odd triglycerides) but that's the only difference. Self-willed, internally directed, yup. And it's like living with a brick wall.

Two years ago, he went out of town, and I did the thing I think he'd been fearing - I cleaned out the cupboards. No snack foods except what's on his approved list; no redi-mixes of any sort, etc. I made a permanent grocery list. And since he hates shopping more than he hates eating foods he doesn't like, I get lucky there. He would rather hack off his own toes with a butter knife than set foot in a grocery store.

He's allowed to have whatever his little heart desires for lunch - be it a mega-burrito with death sauce with the boys or a salad or a heart-attack on a bun burger.

At home, though... we eat what the nutritionist directed us to eat. And since he's also CHEAP (yay!) he'll eat the weird veggies that show up in our CSA box because we're paying for them. (Go figure....)

You could try this one that the nutritionist suggested: if he gets a set amount of money to spend per week, cut it in half and put the rest into an IRA. When he complains, explain that the money is going into savings to take care of him or you when the disease progresses. He's going to pay for it now one way or the other -- make it a financial hit.

Also, have him checked if he's a bitter taster (can he handle grapefruit? If not, then he's probably a bitter taster). If that's the case, working around that will help.


But I'm the toughie in our house. I'm mean and I don't care if a person doesn't like something; best interests are usually not coincident with preferences. Life sucks. It always has sucked and it always will suck, and we can either suck it up and get on with our lives or continue to harm ourselves.

[TygrBright]

16. What the "bitter taster" thing about?

>>Also, have him checked if he's a bitter taster (can he handle grapefruit? If not, then he's probably a bitter taster). If that's the case, working around that will help.<<

He DEFINITELY does not do grapefruit (I love it) and won't eat anything remotely bitter. He tried a sip of my Campari and soda one time and practically gagged.

What's the skinny on that? Any way to deal with it?

curiously,
Bright

[politicat]

27. It's genetic, so nothing to change it.

Those of us who have the bitter taster gene just can't deal with certain bitter flavors -- which are in a lot of vegetables, especially leafy ones. I trained myself to enjoy the bitter flavor, but for my sisters, who also have the gene, bitter things that others don't even notice make them ill.

Another term is "supertaster" and they're defined this way:
Perceive all tastes as more intense than other taster types, particularly bitter tastes
Tend to be fussy about their food and have strong food likes and dislikes
Usually don't like coffee, grapefruit, cabbage, Brussels sprouts and spinach
Have lots of papillae, the tiny bumps on the tongue that contain taste buds
Around 25% of people are said to be supertasters

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/interactives/supertaster/

[The empressof all]

7. I sneak cauliflower in many of the potato dishes I make.

I add well cooked cauliflower (or turnips or celeraic) to mashed potatoes. You can't even tell the cauliflower is in there, especially if you add a little non fat sour cream or yogurt.

I just did a potato salad for 4th of July that was half potatoes and half cauliflower. No one knew the difference. Everyone ate it and there was none left.

Carrots can be added to spaghetti sauce. Dice them up fine, nuke them to get them soft and they'll melt in there.

Zucchini of course can be added to sweet breads.

[wakemeupwhenitsover]

8. I don't know that I can help, but I do have a question.

You posted that he loves soup, but the only one you make that he'll eat is navy bean. If you go to a restaurant which one does he order? If you told us what kind he orders then maybe someone here will have an easy recipe for it.

If he eats omelettes then maybe he'd like frittatas. They're similar, but maybe he won't notice that. lol. Scrambled eggs are another option. Plus there's the whole realm of Eggs Benedict. Will he eat eggs over easy? Souffles are another choice. The high altitude might make that more difficult, but if the souffle falls you just call it pudding.

As far as the veggies go, children seem to either like their veggies raw or overcooked. Does he prefer one way to another? Have you tried cooking them to mush to see if he'll eat them? Some of the nutrients are lost, but at least there's still some there.

[TygrBright]

11. He will eat (doesn't LIKE, but will eat) veggies cooked to mush...

...and cloaked in heavy sauces or gravies.

As far as soups, he orders all kinds of soups in restaurants, but his favorites seem to include:

Hot and Sour Soup (except when I make it)
Chicken Noodle Soup (except when I make it)
Maryland Crab Soup (I can't make because I can't handle the crab)
Clam Chowder (ditto)
Navy Bean (I'm getting there on this one)
Split Pea (Some progress but still not great)
Italian Wedding Soup (except when I make it)
Pasta Fagioli (sp?) (except when I make it)
Beer Cheese (I won't even TRY)
Potato Cheese (ditto-- easier just to make a baked potato with cheese)
Corn and Squash chowders (been trying, but not much luck)
French Onion (getting there, but not there yet)
Mulligatawny (except when I make it)
Tortilla Soup (except when I make it or it's 'too hot')
Egg Drop Soup (except when I make it)
Peanut Soup (never tried that one)
Sweet Potato Soup (except when I make it)
Cabbage Soup (except when I make it)
Minestrone (except when I make it)
Pumpkin Soup (never tried it, scares me)
Cream of Mushroom (I'm allergic)
Lemon Chicken Soup (Greek-style at a Greek Restaurant, NOT when I make it)
Chicken Dumpling Soup (except when I make it)
Tortellini Soup (except when I make it)
Chicken Couscous Soup (except when I make it)

He'll eat some of those out of cans, too, as well as ordering them in restaurants.

He doesn't like:

Turkey & Wild Rice (which I love)
Borscht (I'm not wild about it either, so that's good!)
Lentil Soup with Spinach (which I love)
Beef With Barley (which I love)
Leek & Potato (which I love)
Black Bean (ditto)
Gazpacho (I only like it if has almost no tomatoes)
Broccoli Cheese, likewise Cauliflower Cheese (I can take it or leave it, usually)
Scotch Broth (I don't like that one, either)
Chicken Gumbo (neither of us is wild about okra)
Cannellini/Kale Soup (was THAT a bust!)
Lima Bean & Ham (ew! ew!! EWWW!! Lima beans, EEEWWWWW!!!)
Turkey Noodle Soup (he doesn't like turkey except at Thanksgiving or in sandwiches)
Cream of Asparagus (ew! Asparagus! EW!!)

Any clues from that?

curiously,
Bright

[KyndCulture]

9. Oh honey, I feel your pain.

My ex was exactly the same way...meat n taters.

Here's a few tricks that I used (because he was almost obese)

You can sneak in any number of veggies into lasagne...if you finely chop them, they are absorbed if you use a chunky marinara sauce... I did zuchini, yellow squash, acorn squash, broccoli, baby carrots all finely chopped.

Meatloaf... mix it in the food processor or blender... you can throw in anything in the frig and no one is the wiser.


Deviled Eggs - same thing, blend the yokes in the food proc. and throw in anything, mix with a lil mayo and mustard and pickle relish, blend smoothe and scoop into the whites.


I eventually got my ex to eat broccoli, if covered with cheese.. course he never knew that cheese sauce was 1/2 low fat cream cheese and 1/2 low fat cheddar.

[Dora]

10. Ummmmm. Some thoughts.

You are absolutely spot-on correct with your Point #6. Processed Foods are the Enemy. You're in Santa Fe? There's a Wild Oats store there http://www.wildoats.com/u/store176/ I do all our grocery shopping at Sun Harvest (part of the Wild Oats chain) and it completely transformed our diet. I'm not kidding. I was buying the same processed packaged manufactured "food" as everyone else, and feeling like crap. I began shopping there solely because of convenience (we moved and it is the closest store), and now I won't shop anywhere else.

Some thoughts... sorry for bloviating:

Sweet potatoes are delicious and nutritious, and I only discovered them last year. I like them boiled, then whipped with a touch of butter, honey, and orange juice.

I appluad you for avoiding chemical sweeteners. Stevia is a great alternative sweetener: natural, not chemical. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stevia

If roast turkey works for both of you, why limit it to once a year?

Stop eating in restaurants. If you do eat out, eat at small family-owned/operated restaurants. Most chains are now serving the same premade processed crap that we buy in the grocery stores. Their kitchen staff doesn't actually cook - they heat and serve. You're in Santa Fe, so you have a vast array of wonderful locally owned restaurants. Seek them.

Grilled cheese sandwiches! Grilled ham and cheese. Grilled turkey and cheese. Grilled turkey and cheese with avocado. Experiment with cheeses... mild or sharp cheddar? brie? smoked gouda? the choices are mouthwatering. Experiment with breads... whole wheat? sprouted grain? sourdough? texas toast?

BLT's are incredible with fresh locally grown tomatoes. The tasteless california crap isn't tomato, so don't put them on the table.

Reubens! Grilled pastrami with sauerkraut on rye and thousand island dressing! Ahhhhhh......

Ban velveeta and american cheese, and all their brethren. Do it.

While you're banning, ban crisco and other hydrogenated vegetable shortenings. If you must use a solid fat for a recipe, use butter, ghee, lard, or palm oil. Palm oil shortening and butter are great for pie crusts.

Get a crock pot and use it as a tool - not as a solution. My favorite crockpot meal right now is to throw in 1-2 pounds of country-style pork ribs set on low before I leave for work. When I come home, I pull the meat from the gristle, fat, and bone, drain the excess fat from the pot, then put the shredded meat back in with prepared bbq sauce. EASY bbq sandwiches for dinner!

I also will cook 4-5 chicken leg quarters in the crockpot (on low all day while I'm at work). The dark meat from leg quarters is wonderful in all kinds of dishes - especially chicken salads, stews, risotto, and soups.

Roasted chickens from the supermarket are a nice choice these days, but watch the salt. These are great shortcuts for recipes that call for cooked chicken, but you don't have the time to cook it yourself.

You say he loves soups but doesn't like most you've made. His tastes are likely corrupted by a lifetime of high sodium canned soups. He'll get over it if he wants to. Get a Costco membership and buy six packs of organic free-range chicken broth - this makes soupmaking much easier. Chicken stock, diced celery carrots and onion, split peas, and some cubed ham pieces makes a great and easy soup. Chicken stock, green lentils, diced celery carrots and onion and frozen spinach (plus a squeeze of lemon) is another good soup. He likes navy bean soup? Sneak in some vegetables like zucchini and yellow squash - just be sure to peel them (to hide the color) and dice them to navy bean size. Potato and corn chowder (chicken stock, potatoes, canned corn, celery onions carrot, and half & half) is a favorite of mine, especially with a butterpat floater sprinkled liberally with crispy bacon with a crusty chunk of sourdough for dipping. He likes it salty? Keep a salt shaker on the table and let him doctor his bowl to his tastes - he can't do worse than Campbell's. Get a salt grinder and use sea salt on table - it's more satisfying.

How committed is your husband to making dietary changes? He must find a way to eat his F&G, even if it means going to a smoothie or juice bar or taking superfoods supplements. He doesn't have to like his F&G, but he does have to eat them.

Don't forget breakfast. We used to skip eating altogether in the morning, then we began having buttered toast, then toast with jam, then we moved onto fried egg sandwiches, and our days have been wonderfully improved by this. One egg on two slices of whole wheat toast with a couple slices of canadian bacon is a protein-rich start to the day.

You didn't mention if either you or he smoke cigarettes, but if you do, I cannot stress strongly enough that your first and best choice should be to quit smoking. When I quit in 2003, I couldn't believe how much my taste buds woke up 3-4 months later. I was convinced that I was a culinary genius. Now I know - I'm not a genius, but I do have taste.

Keep it Simple. Not every meal has to have a main dish and two sides.

Remember - the more color you have on your plate, the more nutrition you have on your plate.

[TygrBright]

14. Bless you! Some goodies here, for sure.

We do have Wild Oats and it's my third stop on the shopping trip after the Farmer's Market and the Co-op. I go to the Farmer's Market first, to see what's available, and sort of plan a few days around that if possible. Alas, mostly veg he won't eat (so I drool over but rarely buy much because it'll go bad before I can use it,) but also eggs, meat (grass-fed beef, pricey but worth it since we don't use much,) and fresh herbs I don't grow, cheeses, sauces and jams and salsas and stuff. Then I head to the Co-op for the 'bulk' of my shopping-- other fruits & veg, deli stuff, dairy, grains, some meat (organic chicken & turkey,) peanut butter and a few other packaged things-- tortilla chips, baking ingredients, etc. Then usually to Wild Oats or Trader Joe's for a few special things only they carry or produce that isn't in at the Co-op. Finally, only if necessary, Target or the Albertsons for some politically incorrect items we just can't do without. (Why IS it no health-food bakery has managed to successfully duplicate Fig Newtons? Those Paul Newman things are grotesque.... no, don't tell me, I have a feeling I don't want to know, not really...)

I must correct one impression, though. The Darling Husband is NOT a meat-and-potatoes guy. He's largely indifferent to beef, hates pork, eats chicken only when it's fried or buried under sauces, only likes turkey very rarely, and won't touch rabbit, buffalo, or emu. He likes seafood but I literally can't handle it, so it's usually his choice when we eat out. I think what he is is basically a carb junkie.

He loathes Stevia, says it tastes "chemical."

We don't eat at chains. We eat out a lot at wonderful Santa Fe restaurants, but even the small locally-owned and -operated ones we go to use stuff that I wouldn't have in my kitchen anymore. And it's bloody expensive.

Good idea on the grilled cheese. It's not my favorite (I do have a tendency to gain weight when there's a lot of fat in the diet, alas...) but with really good bread it can be a great main course. He doesn't like sourdough (he doesn't like anything sour) and I love it, but there's no reason not to make a whole wheat for him and a sourdough for me. Good idea. I'd just like to have something veglike WITH it....

He does like "Beely-Tees" and will eat them, carefully picking out the nasty green lettuce, if the tomatoes are really ripe. I have a hard time with tomatoes, though. Any ideas on what could substitute for a mater with the same other basic ingredients? Bacon, lettuce, toast, mayo, and....?

Nix on the pastrami. Likewise corned beef. He's really not a meat guy. I, on the other hand, adore Reubens and Rachels alike. The only legitimate use I've found for 1000 Island Dressing, in fact. LOL, we really ARE Mr. & Mrs. Spratt!

Can't ban Velveeta entirely, it's the only thing that makes mac & cheese and eggs con queso work properly. But we don't have it often. Believe it or not, it's the "traditional" cheese for con queso sauce around here! I had a hard time with that until I researched a little... it's been around nearly 80 years now, so there ya go.

Some baking recipes won't work with anything but vegetable shortening, and that's the only thing I use Crisco for. I don't make anything else that requires a solidified fat other than butter.

Gawd I WISH we had a Costco here. As it is, I buy organic chicken broth in the aseptic packaging from the co-op or Wild Oats, but haven't hit on one yet that he likes well enough to eat the soups made with it. I've gone to the point of making my own broth/stock a few times but that doesn't seem to work any better, alas. I LOVE the idea about the peeled veggies in the navy bean soup! Will do that one on the next round, thank you!!

We do grind sea salt on the table and I use kosher salt for most cooking applications, and a little regular salt for baking.

He's totally committed to any dietary change that doesn't involve any work on his part or any attempts to do more than occasionally sample yucky stuff like vegetables.

He's willing to take a supplement if it's only ONE multivitamin that doesn't come in horse-size pills that he has trouble swallowing. I haven't found one that meets those specs yet.

He used to eat breakfast, but he doesn't anymore, except on weekends when we go out or I fix something fancy like clafoutis or pancakes. Maybe a piece of toast is the way to break the ice and get him back to a morning meal habit... I might give that a try, too.

Neither of us, thank god, smokes. I never have, and the DH was a 2-pack a day smoker for years but quit about 10 years before we met. At least that's one thing we don't have to worry about!

Thanks so much for your time & thought, Dora!

appreciatively,
Bright

[NMDemDist2]

17. so he's living on white bread and taters?

cuz once you take out meat, fruit and veggies there's not much left :shrug:

poor Bright :hug:

[TygrBright]

20. Bread & taters and noodles.

Plus anything COATED in starch and fried, and anything buried under heavy starchy/fatty sauces.

Except that he does like seafood and fish, and I encourage him to order it whenever we're eating out. I wish I could cook it for him!

Thanks...

resignedly,
Bright

[NMDemDist2]

24. Bright, another thing to pursue is looking into liquid mineral suppliments

I noticed my sugar cravings disappeared when I started taking collidal mineral suppliments

something to look at and no icky horse pills to swallow

[wildeyed]

12. Oh my, your husband sounds very similar to mine,

at least in the food department. Mine is not quite so picky, and his health issues are not as intense, but the attitude is the same.

So reading through this thread here are a few suggestions:

1. The crockpot is your friend, which it sounds like you figured out already. Makes soft food with sauces that your husband will eat with the added bene of being a beginner friendly appliance. Do you have a good crock pot cookbook? The one I use is called "Healthy Crockery Cookery", but there are tons of options on the market.

2. Do you have a food processor or stick blender? You can make a cream of anything soup with one of these. Cook some cubed veggies covered with stock until tender. Process until smooth. Add cream or milk, salt, pepper and whatever other spices you like for a nutritious soup. You can also chop up carrots, apples or whatever and add them to sauces and baked goods. Will the hubby eat bean dips? That might be worth pursuing. You can get a really creamy consistency and then add whatever type of spices he likes.

3. For a really good basic cookbook, I recommend "How to Cook Everything" by Mark Bittman. Simple recipes using high quality ingredients, and directions on how to do almost anything.

4. I try to encourage my picky eater to try a little bit of everything I make on the theory that as he becomes more accustomed to eating different foods, he will become less picky. Plus I get really cranky when he won't eat my food, so it keeps the marital peace, at least a little.

Good luck!

[grasswire]

15. the tyranny of the picky eater!

There's one in my house, too, although she is 13 years old. She was literally making herself sick with sugar and white flour and citric acid-sour stuff. The blood sugar swings were affecting her personality. She was prone to getting bronchitis and pneumonia every winter. Each meal was a battle to find something she would eat. Other family members suffered from the tyranny.

When I became the shopper and cook (she is my niece) a couple of years ago I succumbed to the tyranny for a time. Then I stumbled on a book about sugar sensitivity called "Potatoes Not Prozac" and it gave me the tools to fight this unhealthy pattern.

First task: switching from white to brown food (complex carbohydrates). Second task, eliminating sugar of all kinds. Just those two actions over the past year have made a phenomenol difference in her health. Yes, she gets some of the forbidden food on occasion. But she's learned that the attention she got for being a picky eater and proud of it wasn't worth the damage she was doing to her health.

Now, my point: Your husband is apparently getting some sort of reward from being irrational and controlling about food -- a reward for being a tyrant of sorts. You're agonizing over this, you're doing more work than most cooks, you're having to mother him to an unnatural degree. It almost seems as if something else is going on with him that's unresolved. My first thought was to see a nutritionist, but I wonder since you have already done that if it would be useful for you to consider a bit of counseling. And if he won't go, go by yourself.

My sister is in a long marriage where hubby uses meal issues to control her. Goodness. Life is too short to be so tied up trying to feed someone who is an adult and who knows, therefore, the results of poor nutrition. My sister has to get out of bed to pour his Wheaties in the same bowl he has used since a child. That's irrational, too.

Please note that I am not being dismissive or insulting. I'm commiserating with you and trying to stand up for you as the woman you are, a woman with other interests and demands!

[TygrBright]

19. Thanks, grasswire...

I don't 'read' you as insulting or dismissive. And thanks for the suggestion about the soups. I might try more of that.

I certainly don't feel 'controlled,' and I don't think it's any conscious or unconscious motivation on his part. He is appreciative of my attempts to cook, and if they fall within his (narrow) 'edibility' range he chows down happily, and if they don't, he looks after himself without the slightest complaint or reproach. (Fortunately he LOVES peanut butter sandwiches.)

I think you may be right, this is MY anxiety, and MY 'thing.' Yes, I'm obsessing a bit over it, but it's not blighting my life in any major way, just frustrating. I'm usually very successful at solving problems, even those involving others' behavior (it's part of what I do in my consulting practice, after all,) and I hate that I haven't been able to master this one. On the other hand, I haven't been really trying all that long, putting the same kind of effort into it I'd put into a consulting project for a client, etc.

And cooking is not an art/discipline mastered overnight, even by someone with natural talent (which I emphatically do NOT have!) However, I think your speculation is timely and helpful, because I'm prone to depression, and can 'fixate' on things when I'm in a downward spiral, unless I 'indemnify myself' with a little pre-emptive cognitive behavioral work. Having noted that this particular issue has the potential to become a 'fixator,' I can take care of that, and, indeed, work on it with a counselor if/when needed. Very useful, thanks!

appreciatively,
Bright

[grasswire]

23. dear Bright.....

Wow, lots of insight for all of us today. Thanks for your posts. Food issues sure slip under our self-awareness radar, don't they?

About your hubby -- the no breakfast news makes me wonder if you could be helped by the book I mentioned above. It's written by a woman who has managed alcohol rehab for many patients and who discovered that most of her clients were low on beta endorphins and that a particular nutrition could balance their body chemistry and by extension their cravings and addictions. The sugar and carb obsessions are the body's way of trying to get beta endorphins.

Here's the web site for the book: http://www.radiantrecovery.com/7steps.htm -- there are message boards and self-tests for sugar sensitivity, etc. Lots of info.

The "potato" part comes at bedtime, eaten as a complex carbohydrate that will tide the body over until breakfast time so there's no blood sugar swing. Potato skin has tryptophan. Tryptophan can provide the beta endorphin, when eaten without any accompanying protein source.

[Stinky The Clown]

25. Lotsa good thoughts here .... here are a few more suggestions

You say he eats sauces.

Add pureed veggies to them and them flavor them up with whatever works. Cook any veggies you want with a minimum amount of water and then just toss them in the blender, including the water they got cooked in. Chop them to a puree and make that the basis of whatever sauce you want to make. This will be a high potency glop that, when flavored (with beef base for example), will taste like a hearty sauce. Keeping the water in which the veggies were cooked retains most of the nutrients that might otherwise be lost down the drain.

Will he eat soups or stews? If so, this same 'veggie glop' will work as the base for them, too.

If you want to make a tomato-like sauce, use a lot of carrots. If you want to make a meat-like sauce, use green veggies and portobella mushrooms. Roasted veggies will taste even richer, and when pureed will be more meat like in both looks and flavor.

If you try this, make the stuff when he can't observe you and then just spring it on him. At least that will eliminate baggage of the mental image of pureed veggies (aka baby food).

You could also cook up some cheap stew beef to the point where it is falling apart and puree that in, too. Think liquified stew.

I know this may sound gross, but it really is a legitimate way to cook certain items and to make some classic sauces. The recipes may be a bit particular, but the method is pretty much the same.

You'll also have to experiment a bit to get a flavor he'll like. While I suggested hiding the prep from him, maybe, since I don't know him, he'd even be amenable to participating - for the sake of his own health and for pleasing you by finding something you can both eat.

[TygrBright]

28. hmmmmm.... thanks, H2S, that's worth a try...

Everything except the portobellas, anyway, since I can't eat those at all. But possible to make a gloppy veg-based sauce, and then casserole taties and chunks of meat in it? Might give that one a try. Carrots for sweet, cauliflower for vitamins, maybe a little corn for soft golden color and buttery taste, boiled to a faretheewell and then ripped in my old (1940s) Waring Blender until it's a paste, with cooking water to thin and maybe a little S&P for seasoning? Make it nice and wet (because everything evaporates so damn' fast here,) then put blanched tatie chunks and chicken bits in the slow cooker and pour the glop over them and let 'em cook all afternoon. Does that sound like it would work, make something edible?

Maybe stir in a little grated smoked Gouda at the end, and garnish with a soaked dried apricot and a sprig of mint?

Or am I way off in chef's nightmare territory?

I just don't 'get' how various flavors go together and how they change when heat and moisture and seasonings are applied to them in different combinations, that's part of the problem. I can't improvise.

speculatively,
Bright

[Stinky The Clown]

30. "Chef's Nightmare Territory"

This could easily divert to that unplanned destination! But chalk it up as scientific, beneficial fun. What's the worst that can happen? A few bucks worth of veggies goes in the garbage. But think of the upside. There are no recipes that go along with this. It is pure experimentation. But you can't go too far wrong. All veggies more or less 'go' together. The only real chance for certain ruination is too much salt or hot pepper or some such.

[grasswire]

26. another thought

Is there any chance that Mr. Bright could become interested in grilling? I'm thinking about him grilling some simple boneless chicken and some vegetables, with a delicious rub or sauce. Or maybe he could even do some fish for himself, since he likes it but you can't touch it. Getting him to be in charge of a new BBQ might spur some interest.

[TygrBright]

29. heheheh... you read my Master Plan, dincha?

We are having a sunroom added to the house (off the dining room,) and a patio wrapping around two sides thereof. I added a line for gas on the patio to the specs, with the intent of putting in a gas grill. I don't think the DH has the patience to futz around with charcoal, but he might be willing to putter around with a big ol' fork and some BBQ sauce.

Long-term plan (I'm discovering the hard way that building timelines in SF are lo-o-o-o-o-ong drawn out affairs,) but might work.

hopefully,
Bright

[Mojorabbit]

31. A good food dehydrator might be another option

ie,thin slice squash and sprinkle with garlic salt or powder for a veggie chip which is very good, not at all like how they taste raw or cooked.
dry veggies and grind to powder in blender or food processor and add to recipes

[randr]

32. Buy a large insurance policy for him

[midnight armadillo]

33. Find a therapist

Your husband's issues with food are beyond your cooking skills, and I suspect much of his trouble is completely in his head, aside from any issues of bitter or super-tasting. I thnk my wife may be a supertaster, she doesn't care for intensely flavored things whereas I'm from the 'take your head off with flavor' school of cooking. My spicy food phase a few years ago was a sight to behold.

As a kid, I largely subsided on Kraft mac & cheese, pasta with butter, hot dogs, yogurt, french fries, and breads. I did eat apples, bananas, peas, and green beans so there was some minimal amount of nutrition there. A major food milestone for me was taking up bagel eating in middle school. Why was I so freakin' picky? I suspect it was mostly due to family issues involving my mother. To this day meat tomato sauce (her signature dish) repulses me beyond belief, and I barely ever eat red meat.

I didn't start really eating food until I was a sophomore in college and safely out from under her thumb. Once I conquered my horror of the tomato (which I now love), I proceeded to eat a vast variety of foods, minus beef. As a student in Boston there were plenty of superb restaurants with endless variety to choose from, and I can always find something to eat in any restaurant and rarely order the same thing twice in repeat visits. (yeah, the therapist I saw a few years ago was also interested in how I joined a martial arts school with like 3 weeks of going to school - I think this is related to the food stuff ;)).

Your husband already told you the problem: his relationship with his ex-wife. You need to get him to help himself and I strongly suspect a good therapist is the only way that's going to happen. The problem isn't your cooking, loving concern, or anything else.

Oh, and get him to exercise, that will help with the eating (make you hungrier and more sensitive to eating crap) AND the diabetes. I'd suggest a kettlebell (www.dragondoor.com) for its surreal metabolic effect and easy accessibility.

[TygrBright]

34. Well, I don't know about the ex-wife thing...

...since their divorce nearly 30 years back was pretty amicable and they haven't had any contact since. (We practically had to hire a private investigator to find her so he could get the information we needed to verify the divorce for getting our marriage license.) I suspect there are some lingering issues but they revolve around another (non-food-related) topic.

And it's not just the DH who finds my cooking, um... difficult. When other members of our family come to visit they're always thrilled to share Thanksgiving Dinner or spaghetti, but if I suggest anything else they're suddenly SO eager to "treat us to dinner out" as a thank-you for accommodation, doncha know, LOL... I really am a lousy cook, though I'm trying. I'm improving, I think.

Say more about the "surreal metabolic effect," please?

Couldn't manage that website, it was too much visual hash, sort of like a late-night TV infomercial in two dimensions.

enquiringly,
Bright

[midnight armadillo]

35. I"m just an anonymous internet dude here

so take my opinion for what it's worth. If you're husband blames her for his eating habits, then it's quite likely there's some truth to that. Anyway, since I am a former insanely picky eater I can understand how impossible it can be to eat foods outside of the ones he allows himself. My grandmother had non-insulin dependent diabetes, my father had insulin dependent diabetes, so I understand your concerns for his health. If I were in your shoes, I'd get him to a therapist specializing in food issues so he lives to a ripe old age.

About the kettlebell: it's strength/endurance training, that is, it's aerobic and anaerobically taxing at the same time. Sprinting (running or swimming), wrestling, and some other activities have similar effects. Nice thing about it: doesn't take up much room or need much room to use. After a good 1/2 hour workout at lunch, I will still feel like I'm on the verge of sweating at bedtime, and wake up ravenous - this training just supercharges the metabolism. I dropped 12 lbs last fall with KB workouts and have kept it off, and once my life is a little less crazy (newborn in the house), I'll knock off another 12-15 by the end of the year.