My dad thinks he's going to teach my 1 1/2 yea old the meaning of NO.

[rbnyc]

We're going to visit my dad soon. He hasn't seen my son since before he could crawl. We tell him NO all the time, and we even give him time-outs for not listening. But he's still into everything. He climbs on the computer table every chance he gets.

He's in time-out right now for ripping the R off my keyboard. I put it back, but it's not the same.

When he wants something, he goes for it over and over again.

I told my dad to put away all his crystals and statues and skulls and vases and gargoyles before we get there. My dad said, can't you just tell him no?

I was talking to my dad today about how many words Garrison knows, and my dad said, he'll know the meaning of the word "no" when I get through with him.

I hope my dad doesn't really think he has some magic way of saying no that is going to keep Garrison from dumping out his crystal garden if he leaves it out on the coffee table.

Then my dad asked me if I had a problem with Garrison going home in splints. I know he was joking but, :grr: .

My dad says that I never got into trouble and I never needed very much attention, and he thinks my son is a very strange baby.

No, my son is a normal baby, and I was a terrified and verbally abused baby.

Argh!

[abelenkpe]

1. Why don't parents listen?

I wish you the best of luck on your visit. When we went to visit my parents with Connor all I asked was that my Dad not smoke his nasty disgusting cigars around my son, who was born premature and has had respiratory problems. Well, he couldn't do that. And that is the last time we will ever stay at my parents house. They are certainly welcome to travel across country and visit and maybe we will stay at a hotel if we can ever afford to go back east, but we won't be staying with them. There's no need to bother saying anything.

You are doing fine with Garrison. He's no different than Connor. Although we don't do time outs, we just try to distract him with something else interesting. So far that has worked.

Good luck! I hope your R is OK!

[rbnyc]

5. Thanks.

We say No, and then usually try to get him interested in something else. We use time-out, but he's to little for it to wok the way it's supposed to. We use it to get him reoriented and to give us a chance to cool off.

As he grows up, he'll learn, and time-out will evolve.

I actually told my dad, "If you think you have some magic way of saying No that will make him a year and a half older, you can bet your stuff on it, but I still advise putting it away."

I think my message may be starting to sink in.

He does want it to be a nice visit after all.

[wildeyed]

2. God save me from relatives who know better how to raise

my child than I do. With my parents, it was the importance of the nap they couldn't seem to grasp. They would make plans in the middle of nap time over and over. I remember one visit, we were driving home from another event that happened during nap time for like the fourth day in a row, and my son was so tired he couldn't stop crying. Could. Not. Stop.

Last visit with my in-laws, my FIL suggested that I medicate my lovely, active, bright three year old with ritalin since he was so hyper. How 'bout I medicate you, mister, every time I don't like your behavior. And you will be in my care at some point due to old age. :mad:

They won't put their nice stuff away, either. I used to kill myself rushing around, taking fragile object out of small hands. Now I just watch to make sure nothing is actually dangerous for the kids, but if they break it, oh well, I asked them to put it up.

1 1/2 is actually is too young to know the meaning of the word "no", or at least to remember it for more than a few seconds. The best I ever did at that age was to try to redirect attention.

Sounds like you are in for an interesting visit. Try not to let your Dad manipulate you into parenting in a way that makes you uncomfortable. I know that I always want to please my parents and in-laws, and sometimes I do that go against my better judgment (like not laying down the law on nap time) just to get their approval.

[melv]

4. bingo

at 1 1/2, No is pointless. He is a normal child in every sense of the word.

[rbnyc]

6. Grrr!

Thanks for sharing your expeience. I think I'm starting to get through to me dad tho. We talked again this morning. I hope so. We'll see.

[fight4my3sons]

3. Garrison is a normal 1 1/2 yr old boy.

Why don't you come visit us instead :-) He would have a great time! My boys climb on everything. The computer table, the kitchen table, couches, chairs, train table, basically anything they can. We have now gone out and gotten those foamy floor things to put on the floor and dragged in the outdoor climbing cube for them to play on inside since it is still so cold outside. Kids are kids and 1 1/2 is still pretty young to really know "no" - they know it, but can't control the impulse to do what they want. My three year old knows "no" and has a really hard time not getting into trouble with my two younger ones (21 mos) who are climbing all over the place.
We stay with my mom when we go back to NY and she has a ton of little knick knacks all over her house. I make sure to bring a backpack full of my sons' favorite toys and some paper and crayons to keep them busy. We also take some gates to put up. It is exhausting going there because we have to stay right on top of them the whole time to make sure they aren't into everything. I have to give her credit though she did put those childproof latches on her cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom. She does give me a hard time about my older son co-sleeping. Oh well.
Good luck and have a safe trip.

[rbnyc]

7. We've always wanted to go to Maine.

:hi:

[phylny]

8. Don't smack me, but actually children begin understanding what "no"

means at around 8 months of age.

The issue here is following directions, a skill that begins to emerge at approximately 2 years of age (and still develops through age 3).

I think it's difficult for parents who are SO far removed from having children (after all, you were their babies!) to remember what an active child is like.

The best grandparents clear the tables and make the environment safe for a child. However, having said that, the best parents keep on top of their children to make certain the entire "guest" home isn't wrecked.

[Dora]

9. And context is everything, too.

Our one-year old learned that "no cat food" means that he has to keep his hands out of the cat food and water. He's now very good at just avoiding it. HOWEVER, when he's hungry, he might cruise a little too close to the bowl and pick up a spare kibble if he knows I'm watching. :-)

However, if we tell him NO to a new situation, he's less likely to respond the way we want, as there's no historical experience to reinforce the NO.

The hardest part is for his Dad and me to be consistent about what we're saying NO to when the other parent is not around.

[lostnfound]

10. Tell your dad to be proud of your son's persistence..

It will serve him well when he is older.

Doesn't your dad like that he has a "mind-of-his-own" and "doesn't-give-up-easily"??

Suggest those concepts to him and maybe he'll start to transform from hard-*** to soft-and-proud grandpa..

[rbnyc]

11. It was a good trip.

My dad said he had a renewed respect for me. He's glad to have his apartment back now.

:hi:

[Ilsa]

12. Ask him to respect your son's curiousity about the world around him.

It's a really good thing. Ask him to put away anything that can't handle an 18 month old playing with it, and try to remember to take some of Garrison's favorite things and distractions.

I'm glad you are enjoying parenting and wanting to help Garrison maintain his curiosity.

Why do our parents think we are incompetent parents anyway, if they raised us? If they did such a bang-up job, then we should be able to handle it also, right?

[Katherine Brengle]

13. Everyone else always thinks they know better...

I haven't had an issue like this come up yet (my daughter is going to be 2 in less than a month), but I do have problems with my in-laws when it comes to what she eats when she is at their house...

I am vegan. I prefer that her diet be in line with mine--both for moral reasons, health reasons, and the fact that buying one kind of food is certainly cheaper than two. I am not really strict about what she eats when she is outside the house, because I know that I won't be able to control it forever, BUT--

Every single time she is out with my in-laws and they bring her back home, they always have to tell me, very specifically, how much she enjoyed eating whatever disgusting animal product they fed her while they were out.

It pisses me off, and I find it very hard to believe since before I became vegan, I tried to get her to eat stuff like chicken and cheese and she wouldn't even touch it.

Ugh. I hate that everyone else always thinks they know how to raise your child better than you do.

[Maru Kitteh]

14. Oh, Katherine, I don't want to start trouble but you SHOULDN'T put up with

that, and they should never ask you to, or think it's funny or think they're doing some great thing. THEY SHOULD RESPECT your home and your rules ESPECIALLY when it comes to raising your own child.

What if it were alcohol? As far as I'm concerned most of the processed minced up bits of CARCASS they are feeding your child are just as dangerous. Haven't they heard of CJD and mad cow? E-Coli? Campylobacter? Salmonella? The PUSS in milk and cheese?

I would simply let them know that because you love and care for your daughter and YOU are responsible for her health she will no longer be allowed with anyone who disregards your concerns by insisting on feeding her animal products. It's no different than them insisting on driving around with her on their lap a la Brittney Spears or dangling her from a balcony, imo.

She's YOUR daughter, and they need to respect YOU as her parent. Just because you once ate meat does not give them the right to disregard your decision. People who don't have their head stuck in the sand continue to grow and learn in life and this is what you have done in your coming to adopt veganism. People used to feed their babies barbiturates for colic for goodness sake. I remember as a kid when mosquito trucks used to go down the street spraying a fog of DDT, and neighborhood kids would be running around right behind it, playing in the "clouds"!

We are trying to get pregnant, and if ANYBODY has the nerve to feed my (hopefully) baby some dead stinking animal carcasses I will throw the mother of all conniption fits and they will be cut off from alone time with my child till I am 1000% certain they understand no means NO.

:rant:

Best of luck to you dear, don't let them make you out to be the crazy one? O.K.? You've made an informed and healthy decision, and they're probably just jealous. :hug: :pals:

[wildeyed]

15. I would set some boundaries.

They are undermining you as a parent, IMO. It's not really about the food choices, per se. If you dropped your kid off with me to babysit and said, "well, I am a vegan, but we are not super strict with the child", I might feed her some cheese if that is what my own kids were getting, but I would *not* rub it in your face about how much she liked it. That is rude, and undermines your choices as a parent, especially if it is done in the child's hearing.

[abelenkpe]

16. Does your husband OK that behavior?

Personally I think it sets a bad precedent if your In Laws are openly flouting the rules you have laid out it encourages similar behavior in your child. If they find it humorous to disobey you, so will your daughter. How completely disrespectful! I would be outraged. And would not let my daughter spend any more unsupervised time with them.

My parents couldn't stop smoking while their grandson visited, now they need to visit him in order to see him. And they do, they do. I sincerely doubt your in-laws would stand for their own parents overriding and deriding their parenting decisions, so why should you have to? I would try to have a calm discussion with them about how you don't find this behavior amusing or respectful. And see if you can't get your partner to back you up, too.

(edited for spelling)