Help with screaming.

[rbnyc]

Garrison is 18 months old. He has started screaming (very loudly) when he sees something he wants or when he gets frustrated trying to do something. We try not to reward him for it. We try to make him say "up" or put his hands up before picking him up. Say "please" ("pees") or use his sign for please before giving him an item. We try not to respond to the screaming. Sometimes we say "no screaming" and sometimes we put him in his crib for a minute to let him calm down, reorient him and/or give ourselves a break so that we stay in control of ourselves.

We try to redirect him, when possible. I feel like we've tried everything. He just won't stop.

Today I had to come home from work early because the sitter (A good friend that Garrison knows well, but not our regular nanny) called and he'd been screaming for 40 minutes. She was scared someone would call the police. She couldn't get him to stop. I told her to give him a bath, and when he calmed down to touch him head to toe to check for a pain response to make sure he hadn't hurt himself.

He did calm down in the tub, and he wasn't hurt. It's a behavior issue.

What do we do?

[phylny]

1. You are certainly on the right track. I'm a speech-language pathologist

and you're describing my day with approximately one half of the toddlers during the first few sessions we work together. Of course, I see kids with language delays and other difficulties, but the behavior is something that I see even in kids I don't work with ;)

Unless there's an underlying medical issue that's causing him problems (ear infection, allergy), you should continue to insist that he use words or sign to communicate with you. Even though he's little and you may think he doesn't understand (and he may not), be sure to tell him, using the same words each time (in whatever version you choose), what you expect: "I don't understand you when you scream. No screaming. You will not get what you want because you scream. Use your words."

Make certain that on the times (and I hope there are times) that he uses a word/gesture/sign appropriately, he is LAVISHLY praised. Over the top, naming the behavior he's accomplished that you're rewarding. "Garrison, GREAT talking! What a good job!" If he has difficulty calming down because he can't quite see outside of his temper tantrum, take his hands and sign "please" for him. Physically walk him through the preferred behavior. As it sounds like you are doing, never never never (have I said never?) reward the screaming behavior by giving in because it's easier. That just shows him that this "technique" is effective.

Aside: I have a lot of parents I work with who cannot bear to hear their child cry. So, when the child cries and screams and trying to avoid working with me, they scoop them up and cuddle them. This is reinforcing the behavior I'm trying to shape. Unless a child is sick or exhausted, he can do what I need him to do. I guarantee it ;)

In addition, we're both in NY, I believe. If this persists, remember that you can contact Early Intervention which can send therapists to help with communication and behavioral issues if he qualifies (it's what I do). Free of charge to you :)

If this continues, speak with your pediatrician. If he/she says it's normal for kids his age or blows you off, and the behavior continues, and it causes difficulties for your family, PM me.

Good luck.

[rbnyc]

3. Thank you so much!!!!

I feel much better knowing that we're doing the right things and it's probably just a matter of time, but that help is available if it doesn't get better.

I really appreciate your insight, information and offer.

:loveya:

[SoCalDem]

5. I was lucky..no screamers.. bigtime POUTERS though

My friend had two little boys and they were LOUD..anyway, she got laryngitis once and could only whisper, so Dominic & Angelo whispered back to her.. 3 weeks later they were all still whispering.. her laryngitis was long gone, but she didn't tell them :evilgrin:.....and afterwards, they didn't yell anymore.. I guess they figured out that they could get their message across without screaming :)

[wildeyed]

2. He is 18 months.

Is he having a temper tantrum? That is when the child totally melts down and cannot control their actions, usually thrashing about on the floor and screaming. The explanation for this bizarre but typical behavior that I was given was that it is a natural part of the child's emotional development. They want stuff, they want to control stuff, but they can't 'case they are little, and their language skills are rudimentary so they melt down. Kind of like the emotional equivalent of an electrical storm. The stress just gets to them.

It is typical behavior during the "terrible twos", but usually starts at 18 months or earlier. Some kids never tantrum, others it is a daily event. What I read, it is not manipulative behavior, although if you handle it wrong and reward the behavior (sounds like you are not) it can become that.

When my kids did this, I put them in a room where they could not hurt them self and closed the door. I know that sounds cold, but it was the only thing that worked. Nothing I did helped or made it better. Comforting and talking made it worse. After a while, the screaming made me really angry, and it scared the dogs, so in the interest of family sanity, the child needed to be in another room. When they recovered, it was like the storm had passed and the sun was out again again.

Good luck, twos is a frustrating stage. But not as bad as the threes :evilgrin:

[fight4my3sons]

4. My twins are at this stage also :-(

My older son went through it at 18-24 months and then when he turned two and began to speak more he grew out of it. It was a pretty tough time with him for about 6 months though and I'm going through it again with the twins. I am doing sign language with them, but it seems like my three year old has really gotten into it more than they have. They get very frustrated and scream and cry and throw things when they can't get their way or their point across to me. I know they are going to grow out of it. With my older son it scared the crap out of me. One day he was freaking our for about an hour and I finally called my dad (a pediatrician) who told me he was fine, it was a tantrum, just leave him alone for a while. Really he was like the exorcist, my husband an I didn't know what to do :-) I read the book by Harvey Karp The Happiest Toddler on the Block and it helped me, even though I felt like an idiot doing some of the stuff, it did work. I also took the DVD out of the library and watched it. It made sense.
Anyway, here I am blabbing away...
my twins are 21 months now so I have about 3 more months of this stage to go - hooray!!

[lostnfound]

6. I don't know if this will help but a tip I read in Parenting

was from another parent who would immediately pick the child up and carry them outside. The connection was made that screaming was for only outside, never for inside.
By the way, if you look shocked, or annoyed, you ARE rewarding him for it, even if you are trying not to. He's getting a reaction which gives him a feeling of power or control.

[MediumBrownDog]

7. I'm having the exact same issue with my 19 month old son

and it just started this week. He's always been a relatively quiet child, and now it's screaming, screaming, screaming. Our pediatrician said to use the same strategy that we used for biting -- make sure he knows it is unacceptable and use whatever worked for that problem. For us, putting him in the pack n play when he bit worked like a charm, and so we're doing the same thing with screaming. If I tell him no, and he continues, it's in the playpen for him for a time out. It only took 2 weeks to cure him of biting with this method, so I hope that the screaming is equally brief (but I know it probably will take longer!)

He was also a complete terror in a restaurant today at lunch for the first time in his life. He's been going to restaurants since birth, and he has always been extremely well behaved. Not today. Screaming again. I removed him to the car while my husband got the food packed up to go. Once in the carseat, he pointed back at the diner and said "Go?" and I told him, "No, you were screaming, and we don't do that in a restaurant. We're going home." He probably didn't understand, but oh well. I'm not putting other lunch patrons through that tantrum.

[abelenkpe]

8. YIkes!

Connor is 19 months and luckily hasn't learned to scream yet. He has decided he doesn't need to get in the carseat though. If I try to put him in he arches his back and wiggles out of it. It is not fun. I will look out for these screaming fits. Luckily, there is plenty of good advice on how to deal with them here.