Swearing.

[rbnyc]

My husband and I both have a problem with foul language when we get angry. We never swear AT our son, but we swear into the general atmosphere. If I stub my toe, I say "Dammit!" and I tend to use the word "Fuckin'" quite a bit lately when telling my husband about my day.

My husband screams out "Fuck" whenever he drops something, trips on something, can't get the computer to do exactly what he wants immediately, if the water temperature in the shower changes, if the phone rings and he's not in the mood to answer it, if he drank the rest of the water in the Britta and put it back empty and wants to get another glass of water before I've had a chance to fill it up again, if he can't find a clean spoon for his coffee, etc., etc. etc.

We're both working on our language, but a certain amount of damage has been done.

Lately I've heard me 2-year-old son saying to himself "fuckin, fuckin, dammit, dammit." I have decided to ignore it, and redirect him with other language, by reading to him, or just getting him in a conversation, or naming body parts or things around the house.

But it's funny. He seems to know they are special words. He doesn't use them in context like other words. He seems to be saying them to see if he can get away with it.

I'd love to hear other parents' experiences with their own swearing and its effect on their kids and what they did about it.

[Sabriel]

1. I came out to the car one day...

We had had to go back to the house to get something that we'd forgotten, we were running late, and as I got back into the car, the two year-old was in the back singing, "Fuck! Fuck! Daddy said Fuck!" over and over and....

And my partner was looking just a tad embarrassed.

Anyway, we often have discussions with our 7 and 4 year-old about appropriate language. We talk about public and private language, and family words, and adult words. They understand that it's ok to say Fart at home but not out in public. Ditto for other speech.

[Dora]

2. I think we're going to try a curse jar.

We both swear like sailors. To our dismay our son (21 mos) has said "shit" twice in the last week, and in the right context (as an expression to self of frustration). I'm thrilled about his language development (yay! my baby knows when to say shit!), but I really don't want him taking it to daycare and to other children.

For a long time I've been bothered by my own cursing because I think it's indicative of a lazy vocabulary. I like to think I'm "smarter" than that, but nonetheless my home-speak is riddled with shits and fucks. My parents cursed around us growing up, but nothing stronger than bullshit and dammit. Scott's mother never cursed, but his dad could have been a competitor in the curse olympics. He and I both have had our tongues scrubbed with soap as kids. That's not something I care to inflict on our son.

I think it's early enough that we can nip Jacob's cursing in the bud. If we stop now, he may just forget these words. I hope!

[trotsky]

3. When my son was 18 mos. ...

He was with me in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth, trying to put the cap back on the toothpaste and it (the cap) slipped and fell into the toilet. I *wanted* to say "DAMMIT!" but caught myself and instead just said, "Grrrr!" and he chimed in with "dammit!" for me! It was then I knew I better cut back on the swearing.

[MediumBrownDog]

4. Oh yeah....

My son was walking down the hall yesterday with his sippy cup amiably saying "FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCKIN." I ignored it, I'm sure that at 27 months, if I paid attention to it, he'd do it more because he'd take it as some sort of approval. I'm gritting my teeth and hoping he's not saying that at daycare (which is in a church!).

[bleedingheart]

5. My kids correct my potty mouth...

that's kind of pathetic ;-)

I swear...and will go on swearing tangents that last for days..but my kids 8 and 10 do not use that language...I must have done something right but I don't know what I did that made them understand it wasn't a language for kids...

I wish I could share that knowledge but childrearing is damaging my brain... ;-)

[dropkickpa]

6. It's the same here

Actually, in my whole family (have 5 brothers). We swear like a sailors convention, but the younger kids don't. My daughter asked me when she was about 2 or 3 when she would be allowed to swear and I answered "When you turn 18, the same time you're allowed to get a tattoo" (I have lots of tattoos, and my two older brothers are tattoo artists) and, so far it seems to have held (she's 6 now). She even came home from school the other day and told me she heard a boy at recess use a swear word, but she wouldn't tell me what it was because "I can't swear yet, I have to be a grown-up".

I think, in my family at least, because we don't make swearing so taboo and just matter of factly tell the kids (my nephew is 9) "you aren't allowed to use those words until you're a grown-up", it doesn't have that whole allure of the forbidden to them.

[Meshuga]

7. My son caught me saying "Fuck!" in traffic when I forgot he was in the car

he was 3 and he would say the expression "Fuck!" in context. It was embarrassing because I was affraid he was going to use it in pre-school! I just ignored him, but when my wife heard him saying the expression she got pissed at me. :-)

We ignored him so it went away... But it was frustrating since he would use it a lot. He seemed to love the sound of the word.

[tigereye]

8. my son tells me that I owe many dollars to the swear jar...

mostly it's in the car, and words just slip out as I maneuver around the clueless in other vehicles....

He should have enough for college by the time he's old enough! ;)

[Sanctified]

9. I hear you...

I have been trying really hard not to swear but any time I slip I hear from my four year old "Daddy, you said fuck again, you know you are not supposed to say fuck why did you say fuck?" The whole time I am trying to tell her please don't use that word and my two year old is saying "fuck, fuck, fuck".

My wife is ready to kill me, I think we may try the cursing jar but I don't know how effective that will be since I never carry cash on me.

[qb]

10. I am so damn lucky.

I also swear like a sailor when frustrated, but have managed to keep it under my breath when the kids are near. The closest I came was saying "shit" under my breath. My 4-year-old asked me why I said "shhhh!"

He is now 7 and for a while thought he would upset me by saying "This SUCKS!" I just told him to make sure he doesn't repeat that in school. I haven't heard that one in a while.

He recently learned the "F" word (read it on a school bus seat). He asked me what "Fuck You" means. I said it means "I hate you" and once again told him not to repeat it to anyone else. He is confused as to why some words are swear words and others aren't. I don't have an answer for him.

My 10-year-old daughter seems to have no curiosity about swear words and no tendency to use them.

[MorningGlow]

11. Ah the lil' sponges

Aren't they cute?

I think my biggest "near faint" moment was when I was at my mom's with MG Jr. (he was 3; he's 4 now)--he was playing on the floor and my mom and I were talking. She shared something weird/annoying that made me roll my eyes, and I muttered "Je-sus..."

And up piped Jr., without a moment's hesitation: "Christ!"

He's also been known to say "dammit!" in the proper context, and a slow car in front of us is a "lardass" (yeah, we taught him that one). Usually we just tell him that we (Mr. MG and I) don't care what he says, but he can't say those words in front of grandma, auntie (especially the Jesus Christ thing, as she's a militant Catholic), or his classmates at preschool.

He's been good about it so far.

[sandnsea]

12. My daughter's first roller coaster ride

One of those little ones that just go up and down a little bit. She was 3 1/2... and she did not like it.

Oh fuck oh fuck jesus christ jesus christ oh fuck

Everybody was absolutely cracking up. We hoped she would calm down, but after the third go round, we told the ride operator to go ahead and stop it.

I will never forget it. She's 23 now, and has to watch her language so her son won't say fuck.

I think people make too big a deal about words, while never noticing that they're an out and out asshole.