Fear of putting son in Texas public school system

[lostnfound]

He's been in great hands at a Montessori for 3 years now, through kindergarden. He has quite a 'mind of his own' (thank goodness), and his teacher has been fantastic at helping him learn at least a smidgen of structure without smashing his motivation. And when he gets bored after 2 lines of addition, he can move on and come back to it later. She is respectful and cheerful (toward him and all children), and he loves her like a second mom.

He didn't get in to my school of choice. Apparently there are very few openings for first grade; most kids enter at kindergarden.

We're zoned for what is supposed to be a good public elementary, and it's close by.

But having read 'Dumbing Us Down', as well as 'attachment parenting' books, I'm sensitive to the mistreatment of children as if they were subservient creatures incapable of any self-regulation, and hence need to constantly be told what to do and how to do it. Dumbing Us Down pointed out that the structure of the classroom is set up to teach compliance and conformity above all else. The bell rings -- sit down. No, wait, first there's a pledge of allegiance and a pledge to the Texas flag. Today you will learn about x and y, and you will use a #2 pencil and fill out this form. (Did you want to look at bacteria under a microscope instead? Were you reading a dictionary, or fascinated by alternate and opposite angles of intersecting lines? Too bad. Your curiosity is simply an irritation if it is not "on subject", if it is not about the subject that I told you to think about.) When the bell rings, move to the next classroom and the grownup there will tell you what to think for the next 40 minutes.

I was fine with school, fine with learning what they told me to learn when they wanted to teach it. Sit down, let them spoon feed it, pour it in through a little hole in top of my head. But my boy is not so passive. He's not a "behavior problem" or anything..he will "conform" in the classroom..but his internal reaction to "being told what to do" is pretty strong..he will rebel in quiet ways, become resentful, and later, his anger will come out, at home. In a couple of years, will he hate school, and lose his curiosity about the world around him?

Some conformity, some rules following is necessary in life. But the basic structure of school is actually rather artificial, and it's all the worse now that the focus is on "teaching to the test". I feel as if I have a terrific, organic, maturing, motivated, creative and inner-directed son, who is about to get pushed into a square hole and told to sit down and shut up.

Seems to me that too many of us adults just sit down and shut up.

Is that a coincidence?

If any DUers teach in such environments, please don't take this as directed at you or intended to be critical of any teachers. I have great respect for the challenges of teaching and admire how well that so many teachers do their jobs. In fact, I really hope you can give me some advice or ideas.

[wildeyed]

1. I totally understand your fears.

First, have you visited the school? If so, what were your impressions? When I visited my daughter's school, I got a really positive impression. I liked the principal, and I felt like there was a really positive atmosphere there. I also questioned other parents in the neighborhood and got good reviews. Funny thing is, the school one neighborhood over has higher test scores, but no one I talk to likes it. Says it is a cold, unfriendly place.

The individual teacher also makes a big difference. We lucked out and got a really good one. She has been willing to assign harder work for my very academically motivated little girl. She also allows her to pick subject matter for enrichment projects, encourages her to write, etc. She will move to first grade with this years K class and has promised she will help get us appropriate math acceleration, even though the school doesn't usually offer that for first graders. So I am extremely pleased. But teacher assignment is largely luck. We got a very able, experienced and committed teacher. A first year teacher would probably have been overwhelmed and not been able to give us the personal attention we got. Some teachers are less motivated. We got very lucky.

I also believe that home environment is important. I watch my kids closely, see what they are interested in, then give them opportunity to explore it. We read together a lot. I will teach them to think critically, even if the school does not.

Finally, there is always the homeschooling option. I know this is controversial, but for many families, it is a good alternative. Not all homeschoolers are right wingers. There is a fairly large group of secular, attachment parenting homeschoolers in my mid-sized southern city, so I would imagine it is common in other areas, too.

Good luck. Don't stress too much. And remember, if whatever you decide to do is not working out, you can always change it later. These schooling decisions are not permanent, one time things. :)

[lostnfound]

5. A belated thanks for your encouragement, and an update

He started at his new school 3 days ago, and so far, I am very pleased. His teacher seems like a good fit for him, the school has shown some signs of chaos and inefficiency but not too bad; by and large, I think it is off to a very good start.

It's very weird to me that the school has turned to private businesses for afterschool programs galore, at rather expensive prices; we aren't using them at the moment but it seems to me that if they are going to offer art or baseball or homework time after school it shouldn't be a money-making enterprise on school premises. I'm suspicious of commercialization of every corner of our culture; but that's just me. It's not exactly the school's fault; just a cultural problem IMO.

But generally I feel pretty encouraged.

[dropkickpa]

2. FWIW

I went to public school in Houston K-2 at Francone Elementary. The K teacher I had (not the nice one) was a nightmare (this was in the early 80's mind you), but the rest of my teachers were fantastic and just so awesome (I was tested for gifted at the end of K and the gifted program was really good, if I recall correctly). Also, they managed to get Jack Prelutsky to visit shortly after "The queen who wore her crown upside down" was published and I was thrilled.

If you send your kid there with dread, he'll pick up on that and react accordingly. Prepare him, be excited for him, and support him, you never know, he may flourish there and make fantastic friends!!

[lostnfound]

3. Thank you.

I will try to be more positive about it. I'm sure he will make friends; I'm more concerned about not seeing his desire to learn destroyed.

[avrdream]

4. My twins went to public school in San Antonio for two years -

it was one of the best schools they have ever been to and I was massively impressed. As the poster above says, go to the school and get a feel for it. It doesn't take long to figure out how good a school it is but, going to a public school is not, by itself, a bad thing.

Best of luck. I know how it feels.