Okay- I haven't browsed here much, but I'm hoping y'all can help

[blondie58]

on a problem that I am having with my older children- ages 21 and 16.

I took a quick look around the forum and most of the advice seemed to be geared towards younger children. Any advice and suggestions are welcome.

I have been divorced for nine years. My kids were ages five and nine years of age and I didn't date until a couple of years ago. I felt that it wasn't fair to them, along with not really having any time.

However, I know that I am ready and have been dating the last couple of years. I had to bribe my oldest to help me post my picture on an internet dating web site, as she wasn't wild about the idea. I think that she got a new sweater out of the deal, lol!

I have met a wonderful man though and we are really happy together. We match on so many levels- and he is a huge Democrat- good thing, as I couldn't understand a Republican.

However, my girls have never even met him- and they treat him horribly.

We have been talking about moving in together, but I told him that I cannot do that to my youngest, until she is out of high school. Right now, he lives in a town 60 miles away, so the distance is tough.

For example, I asked him to my brothers house at Thanksgiving. My oldest asked me for some money for Thanksgiving and I remember thinking "how sweet, she is going to make a dish to share." NO- what my two brats did, was to boycott the famiy day, as my boyfriend was going to be there. They stayed home alone, with the Jennie-O turkey loaf and other holiday dishes that they bought, as they didn't want to meet him.

Easter was possibly worse. They showed up late, but deliberately sat at a different table and refused to come to our table, as he was sitting there. I couldn't even get them close to introduce them. There was a distinct chill in the air after their arrival.

Aarrghhh!! I don't understand it. He doesn't understand it, as he doesn't have kids. He is a good man, who worked as a gerontologist until recently, so he knows how to communicate with people and has a lot of empathy.

I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that their dad got married within a year after our divorce and no one in his family likes this woman.

I know that they are worried about the future and any changes, but ?

My oldest told me once that she thought that I should wait until they were both out of the house to start dating. I'm sorry, but I feel like I have put my life on hold long enough now and I am ready to live.

Any thoughts on this? Any psychology students out there? Why are they behaving this way and what can I do to help when they won't meet him or even to go see a counselor?

[mopinko]

1. have you tried a good slap upside the head?

kidding, but....
they are big enough to be big. they are being possessive, and you are not a thing to be owned.
i did have a long nightmare with hubby #2 and kid #1. she was only 6, and he had never been around kids. it was horrible. he is so sorry now.
but they do grow up. and yours are already big enough. tell them i said to get a grip.

[knowbody0]

2. you go girl!

I applaud your sensitivity toward the "kids", but they are indeed old enough to see you as autonomous and deserving of a relationship that feeds you.
I believe I would ignore their little rebellious actions and shouw them you are happy and free of guilt.