help needed!!

[blondie58]

I am a single mom and I just found out that my 16year old has been sniffing nitrous oxide. My understanding of it is that it is done through a large balloon and it causes a short high. This is my "sweet daughter", or so she used to be until she hit her teens. Now, she sneaks out of the house at night, which is easy for her as I sleep like a rock. I had an alarm system in my house, but I disconnected it, due to the expense and also that fact that my kids weren't using it. But, if I have to I will have it turned back on- and not give her the code. But, I just found out from my oldest daugher, who just moved out, that my youngest is into these kinds of highs. What do I do? Has anyone ever been in the situation?

[mzteris]

1. sit her down and talk with her.

With her. Not to her. Remain CALM. (That'll shock the hell out of her probably.)

Try and get her to tell you what, exactly, she's doing. See if she can tell you WHY.

Ask her if what her plans are for the future.

Suggest therapy for you both to work out any issues/problems.


And if that fails - well - you control the credit cards and the car keys and the telephones and the internet. . . Kinda hard to party without money. Kinda hard to buy the "cool clothes" without $$. Kinda hard to textmessage and IM without the tools to do it with.

Strict rules. Enforced. Without exception.

With freedom comes responsibility. With responsibility comes freedom. If you're not responsible enough to do what you should, you're not free to do what you want.

[knowbody0]

2. you are so right

my kids lose phone, cable, internet, and immediately become capable of civil negotiations. staying calm is really important, and listening to them with respect opens the dialog. freaking out is kinda what they expect you to do, but that only feeds chaos and rebellion. set the rules, enforce the consequences.

[blondie58]

3. thank you so much

yes, you are so right- the way to enforce the rules is to take away their privileges. Last night, we had a nice talk- she was actually receptive and SHE brought the subject up that she had done it. Her older sister had taken her out for a talk and enlightened her as to some of the dangers of doing this. I sure hope that she won't do them again.

I am listening to the 'Love and logic' Parenting tapes now and the info is pretty much the same as yours. I wish that I would have known about them 20 years ago!

Thank you again. Boy, parenting is the most difficult job that I've every had!

[Sabriel]

4. Try Barbara Coloroso, too

I'm the last person to endorse self-help books, but I recommend her for classroom issues, too, even though she's more of a family/parenting person.

I agree with everyone else. Talk it out. What if she weren't your daughter? What if she were your neighbor or best friend? What would you do then in this case?