Any women here have a baby (or more) after 40? Know anybody?

[Darth_Kitten]

I'm getting close to that age and am thinking about whether or not I would like a baby within the next few years.

I have a friend who conceived several times in her 40's and now has 2 kids. From what I've read and heard, you just don't "stop" NOT being able to conceive over 40. (old wives' tale) My great grandmother had a baby at I believe 42. My grandmother had my Mom at 37. You hear about all these stories about "surprise" babies being born to women over 40.

Just am curious about the whole concept. I'm quite the late bloomer and quite frankly, it's difficult to talk this over with some people. :(


thanks

[knowbody0]

1. I was 39

when I delivered my girl. She is 20 now and we are best of friends. My sons were 10 and 12 when she was born, so I can compare pregnancies as an expert and tell you the only difference I experienced as an older woman was that I slept more. Delivery was a breeze, I nursed her til she was two, she was a very peaceful and lovely child, and is now a beautiful and very powerful woman. Being older IMO was an asset because I was smarter.

good luck with your choices!

[Tumbulu]

2. I was 45 when my daughter was born

Naturally, from beginning through birth and still going.

Being an older mom has huge pluses and huge minuses.

The younger mom's seem to be able to multitask much better. Plus they really do have more energy and they remember how to play like a child.

But being older is often being a bit wiser- at least I hope so! One generally has already proven oneself, so to speak, and so can appreciate the child for what he/she is. And sometimes being older allows greater financial independence which can allow you more time to be at home with your baby or child. Something that most younger parents these days can only dream of.

Good luck

[abelenkpe]

3. have no worries

I'm a late bloomer as well. I had my son at 38 and my daughter at 40. I still have plenty of energy for keeping up with the two of them and work a full time job. I think they benefit from the fact that my hubby and I are older, calmer and more secure financially and emotionally.
It is advisable to have your pregnancy monitored a bit more closely and to have more tests done along the way. You can even have a test done to check your eggs viability and youthfulness pre-pregnancy. My first pregnancy went well, but my son was born six weeks early so that was a bit scary. My second pregnancy started out as twins (I was so excited!) but only one survived the entire nine months (I was so heartbroken!) So there can be hiccups on the way to blissful motherhood. But it is all worth it. I love them more everyday! I'm so proud of them both and wouldn't change anything. The deliveries were both natural and easy 15 minutes for the first and second....(OK maybe I just have big hips?) and breastfeeding came easily. So if you feel ready to move onto motherhood I say go for it. You have experience and wisdom and those are great things to pass on to any child. If you have any more specific questions feel free to email me. Good luck!

[LibertyLover]

4. My mom was 45 when I was born and 44 when I was

conceived, which was just about 55 years ago now, before in vitro fertilization and fertility drugs. I was 50 when we adopted our daughter. She was 16 months old when we brought her home and we have had her for 4 years. I don't know if that counts however. It's certainly possible to have children after 40, and without medical intervention. Just usually not as easy as if you were in your 20s from what I understand. Being a mother of an active 5 year old and being 54 is different, let me tell you. Sometimes I have lots of patience, and well, sometimes I don't. But one thing I do know - having her warm little body curled up next to mine while we talk about the day or getting a welcoming hug and a "mommy, I love you" when I come in the door at night from work make all the hard work worth it.

[xmas74]

5. A friend was 43.

Her long-time boyfriend had left her after they had spent a few years trying to conceive. One night she went to a local bar and had a few drinks. She picked up a 25 year old (which immensely cheered her up!) and went home with him. A few short weeks later she found out she was pregnant.

She decided to keep the baby, knowing that it might be her last (and only) chance. She's 47 now and says that her one night stand was the best thing that ever happened to her.

[Tumbulu]

6. fantasy world

I read your post and had these ideas to share.

In our current culture an imaginary reality exists. It is all tv made up stuff.

Having a child is the biggest thing. It has the largest ups and the largest downs. It is not something to be embarked upon in a unrealistic "Hallmark Cards" way.

I ran a multi million dollar business, I worked 18/7/365 for over 20 years to make it. Every job I left it took two or three people to replace me. I was dedicated, hard working and always on top of my field.

Having a baby and a child is much much harder than any job I have ever had. My instincts kicked in and overrode my tired mind. My mind is usually a blur since I am sleep deprived- more so than any night shift work. My doctor who is also a mom used to look forward to being on call at the hospital because she at least got 2 or 3 hours of sleep.

You need people to support you and your mothering. Mothers need help, not more tasks and unrealistic expectations like working as a professional and being there for your child at the same time. Some children can handle the daycare , some cannot and you don't find out until you are in the midst of it. Some mom's can leave their children with others and resume their careers and some cannot. You will not know until you are there.

I know a lot of moms now as this is my world. Many can juggle the constant demand of mothering with intellectual work. They impress me so much. Many cannot. Be prepared to take a few years off from your work as you may be one of the ones who cannot juggle the two. I was shocked when I could not do it. Absolutely shocked. Nothing prepared me for the reality of it.

That said it is worth it. But I think that it is dangerous to romanticize it into something easier than it is.

[xmas74]

7. No one said it was easy.

I'm a single mother and I'm the first to tell you it's not easy. The OP asked if we knew of anyone who had children much later-40 and over. I knew someone who did and wrote about it. The difference is that my friend had wanted a child for many years before it happened.

Any parent has to give things up when they have a child. I was in my mid twenties when I had my daughter. I gave up more than you'll ever imagine (and don't feel like going into here right now.)

No one said it was easy. I now work in low wage jobs because of the flexible hours they offer. I can be at home at night with my child and I can take off when needed. And my child constantly asks questions about when her father is going to visit her. (That's the hardest of all to answer.)

And I never did romanticize my friend Melynda's situation. She had a one night stand in a bar with a man who she never saw again. Her son has Down's syndrome. She gave up a career because of the hours. But she's the first to tell you that things do balance out. She now works with special needs children and loves it more than anything else. She has left her old way of life behind her, which was a rather destructive lifestyle.

If you are the age of the OP you have an idea of what you might be entering. The OP knows that there will be sleepless nights, problems at work and that relationships might suffer. Walk into any family restaurant, go to a cinema, even attend a church service and you'll find out how children are. But it's still worth it.

[Tumbulu]

8. I am sorry if I upset you or misunderstood your post

I did not mean to imply that your post made it seem easy. I was trying to say that I felt that the popular culture implies that it is easier than it is.

Every other parent I meet says that same thing "I had no idea". I was in a big family, worked my way through college babysitting and still, I had no idea what it would be like to be a parent.

That is the point I was trying to make. I apologize if my inarticulate writing gave you the impression that I was saying anything unkind to you.

[xmas74]

9. I knew you weren't being unkind.

It was just that, in the case I mentioned, there was no way anyone would think it could be easy. My friend lives in a small town in the Bible Belt, had a child with a one night stand, etc. No way would anyone think that's easy.

But it is easier if you know what could be ahead of you and it is much easier if you are a very strong woman who is not afraid to do the right thing for your family, whether at work or in other places.

A strong person like the OP-they can handle it. It will be lifechanging, but they can handle it.

[IdaBriggs]

10. I would advise you getting an FSH test.

Its done three days after your period starts, and is a good indication if you are going to have any problems getting pregnant. Statistically, odds drop after age 35, but obviously, that doesn't mean its that way for everyone. You may, however, need "help" and if you decide you want to get pregnant, and your numbers are good, I suggest most politely you get on the ball as quickly as possible. If your numbers aren't good, you can move on with "help" in a variety of ways. No matter what, please make sure you see a specialist as quickly as possible if your numbers are "high" (which can be challenging). Good luck! Babies are amazing -- I was 41 when my twins were born (now ten months old), but we had to go through 8 years of "help" to get them; then, I developed pre-eclampsia, nearly died, and delivered them two months early, which meant we got to deal with the challenges of prematurity (which, fortunately, were nowhere near as bad as they could have been).

I am not trying to discourage you; I am simply pointing out that "eggs" do have an expiration date, and while its not fair, its the way life is. Please get an FSH test -- its a simple blood test, and it can give you a lot of information.

[moc]

11. My second was born just after I turned 40; however, that was with the

assistance of medicine - pergonal specifically. However, I have two sisters who conceived naturally at 40. A close friend of mine who had secondary fertility problems (early ovarian failure, just adopted a second child) had a surprise pregnancy at 41 after not using b/c for 6 years.

[MorningGlow]

12. My mom had me at 41

That was 42 years ago. Her doctor warned her against it because she was "too old". (Ah, medical knowledge in the '60s...how quaint.) I came out just fine (well... :P)

I had my son at 38 and was glad I waited. I don't think I would have been ready, emotionally, before then. But that's just me.

The drawback: Looking at all the young mommies of my son's preschool classmates and getting irritated--at their youth, at the way their bodies snapped back into shape, etc.
:rofl:

[electron_blue]

13. All I can add is that the longer you wait, the more likely you are to be infertile

It's true that you don't just stop being able to conceive, but it's a lot harder, and measurably more difficult with each passing y ear once you get past 35. I didn't understand that very well until after I had a couple miscarriages and saw what I was up against. I had 3 mc's and 1 healthy baby between 37-38 yrs of age. I do have a friend who had 2 kids in her 40's - including one at 46. Both healthy kids, and she is fine. I can also count at least dozen personal friends who never had a single child past 38, despite trying for many years, even with ivf. I'd say that if you are pretty sure that you want at least one child and you're already in your 30's, have it sooner rather than later. Of course - that may not be feasible for other reasons. But I wouldn't wait confidently until my late 30's or early 40's to start if I could help it.

[latebloomer]

14. I'm a late bloomer too! (ha!)

I got married at 38, had my son at 39--didn't even have to try for him- he was the result of condom slippage- we had planned to give ourselves a few more months of being newlyweds.

I was 42 when our daughter was born-- took us only 2 months of trying.

Both pregnancies went well, except that my son was born by C-section after many hours of labor.

So it goes to show that not everyone has fertility problems at advanced ages! But you never know till you try.

[elleng]

15. latebloomer +,

I admonished my doc when he referred to me as an 'elderly' prima something!

My first conceived during honeymoon, and born 2 weeks before my 40th birthday; my second born 3 years later, after couple months 'trying.' Both in college now.

[Darth_Kitten]

16. the trend now is for later pregnancies........

so I've read......lots of women having babies in late 30's and early 40's......

:)

[MrsMatt]

17. Two children

one at 34 (6 months trying), the other at 42 (5 years in progress). I admit, we were much more "dedicated" trying for the first - our lives became much more busy after the birth of our dauthger.

We sought the advice of a fertility expert after a few years trying for our second child (our son); we were willing to do whatever was required up to, but not including IVF. I underwent a laparoscopy procedure the day after the 2004 elections to rule out any obstructions, but it turned out that I was actually about 2 weeks pregnant when I underwent the procedure. Fortunately, everything turned out well - both kids are happy & healthy

[Chalco]

18. I was 44.

As an older parent I find that I may not have as much energy as a younger parent but I've got more wisdom. I became a parent at the right time for me (and my daughter!)

[waiting for hope]

19. Was 37 for my first and 41 when my second

was born. Now, if you do start to try and find yourself with no results, don't panic. I tried for two years with my first and three months after I said, screw it, I'm tired of trying, I got pregnant. My second wasn't really a surprise, but hubby and I took a bit more cavalier approach, just didn't use protection and we didn't worry about it. I didn't marry until I was 30, so I know what you mean about the late bloomer condition. I'm glad we waited though, I have more patience and the fact that we waited until we were ready made the process easier.

[Tab]

20. We're looking at that now

My wife is 41. No, you don't just magically stop at 40, however all other factors start to combine (increased health issues for either partner) and time starts to work against you.

One fertility specialist gave some stats about the ability to conceive naturally, and how it starts to drop off dramatically after 40. It's not that it can't happen, but it may not happen on the first cycle, and as you get older it may take more and more cycles to pull it off.

However, that's where fertility clinics come in - they can do simple things like give you Clomid to stimulate the production of eggs, to doing an IUI (which is take the semen, purify it (leaving only sperm) and inserting it directly into the cervix, to as far as in-vitro fertilization. If you are regularly healthy, you can have a baby probably any time in the next few years, however the longer you wait, the more hoops you may have to go through to pull it off.

Don't worry about being a little older - it's important that you're psychologically ready. Obviously you weren't in that mental place when you were 26. I think it's better to wait and do it when you're ready for it. At a certain point, though, it gets more complicated and business-like than "let's just do it and see what happens" and there are other issues to take into account, but no - you didn't wait too long.

PM me if you want to talk about it more.

- t

[OnionPatch]

21. I was 41 when I had my daughter.

She was my first, and only. She's almost 8 now.

I don't think my pregnancy was much different than most. I was in pretty good health. I did have some trouble conceiving, though. It took us more than a year of trying. We didn't try fertility drugs because my FSH was high, which means I didn't have a lot of eggs left. Drugs can't do anything about that. Actually, they told me that with my FSH level (about 50 the one time I was tested) my chance of conceiving was very slim. But we kept trying anyway, and I guess I had one good egg left. :)

Being a mother of a young child at this age is sometimes taxing, I won't lie to you. I went through menopause and my daughter's toddlerhood at the same time and I wouldn't wish that on anyone! But in some ways I think I do appreciate the experience more than I would if I were younger. In any case, would definitely do it again.

Good luck.

[BklynChick]

22. I waited until around 37 to start trying. I had a few miscarriages between

37 and 40 and finally had a baby at 40. I'm glad I waited, but I didn't realize how common fertility issues and miscarriage (secondary infertility) are the older you get. My only suggestion is if you don't conceive within 6 mos, get yourself to an R.E. (fertility specialist) right away.

My pregnancy was actually great and I love being a Mom, even though sometimes it's challenging at this age, although I have a feeling that I would have as many if not more (just different) challenges if I had become a parent at a younger age.

Good luck!

[Ilsa]

23. 38 1/2 and 41. It is harder. I was more tired. There are more

risks of genetic problems for the baby as the parents get older.

There is no guarantee you will be able to conceive, even with fertility assistance. I recommend having the baby sooner if it is possible.

BTW, I got married at age 35. It wasn't in the cards until then. (Those stupid guys kept turning me down!) I started trying to get pregnant about two years later. Sort of wish I tried sooner, but we don't have do-overs.

[clear eye]

24. My sister

had her first at 40 and her second at 43. From what I hear, fertility varies widely from woman to woman past the peak years of the 20's. My sister conceived the first month they tried, each time. She was also a cow when it came to milk production, but again there is no typical case, only wide variation. She has never, for an instant, regretted late motherhood. So if part of your question is, is it an o.k. experience, I say, if you want it, you should go for it.

My sister's sister-in-law decided to adopt two children as a single woman in her 40's. Even w/o pregnancy single motherhood is grueling unless you have enough resources that you don't have to work, but despite her exhaustion, she is finding the journey deeply satisfying.

Perhaps, by the time you read this, you will already be expecting. Best wishes to you in following your heart, whatever your decision. Late motherhood is certainly not as rare as it once was.

[elleng]

25. Ditto, me too, 40 and 43,

and 2 days ago was my older daughter's 24th birthday!!! My birthday in 10 days!

[JerseygirlCT]

26. I was 38 (months shy of 39) with my second

And a good friend, after many, many miscarriages (all for different reaons) finally conceived well into her 40s - she's got to be nearing 60 now, but all went quite well. They stopped at that one miracle child (were in the final processes of adoption when they conceived), but she's quite well-adjusted, and my friend is quite healthy, and all seem quite healthy more than 10 years later.

I would worry less about the calendar than about yourself. Do you feel up to it? Are you healthy? If not, can you get healthy first?

I do know that caring for a small one was harder with my second (he's almost 10 years younger than my first). I was smarter in some ways, but I was more tired. Didn't have the same energy that I'd had 10 years earlier. But again, your mileage almost certainly WILL vary - each person will respond individually.

I think parenting is the most wonderful adventure. And children are such a gift.

If you're concerned about your ability to conceive (another thing that will vary person to person, despite the general odds) talk to your doctor. Get a work-up, make sure everything's fine. Plenty of women do conceive in their 40s, and have fine, event-free pregnancies and happy, healthy kids!