1 yr. old won't go to sleep at night!

[Proud Liberal Dem]

My wife and I have started having constant problems getting our 1-year old daughter to calm down at night and go to sleep. We usually give her a nice warm bath and my wife nurses her around 9 pm usually after dinner and some evening playtime but afterwards instead of being sleepy and ready for bed she is incredibly wide awake and energetic and frequently will not peter out and go to sleep until about 10-11 pm (at which time my wife and I are about ready to collapse!). According to her babysitter, she is not sleeping a lot during the day (30-90 mins) and she seems to be otherwise content and in good spirits (i.e. clean diaper, full stomach, etc.). Our parallel problem with her is that once we do succeed in getting her to go to sleep and in her crib, she frequently wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, sitting up in her crib, and not calming down unless we bring her into our bed to sleep. Does anybody have any suggestions as to how we might have better success with getting her to bed at night (and sleeping through the night)? Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks!

[Dora]

1. Start enforcing a sleep schedule now. It will just be harder later.

It's torturous, but it can be done, and eventually everybody will get some sleep. I used Richard Ferber's "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" as a guide. http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp/0743201639

I picked up a used copy of the earlier edition at a Half Price Books.

Ferber's infant-sleep technique has had some criticism because he advocates allowing a child to cry, within limits. The first night of trying the Ferber method was difficult for me - I hated hearing my son cry in his crib - but the second night was much easier, and the third night he dropped off to sleep on his own without a fuss. He did continue waking for a 3 am feeding, but he stuck to the established bedtime and could get himself to sleep without too much fuss. You'll have to be okay with allowing your daughter to cry without soothing her.

Her bedtime might be a little bit late for a one year old. Her sleep cycle may not match that hour. The Ferber book talks about infant sleep cycles - very informative, useful. At that age my son was napping once in the daytime for 2-3 hours (in daycare, & at home on wknds), from noon until mid-afternoon. Bathtime began at 7:30, pajamas and nursing came after that, and he was usually alseep by 8:30. When we stuck to the schedule, it was pretty easy, but variations from the schedule could really throw a wrench in the works. Even now I find that the later it is, the harder it becomes to settle my son down for bed.

[abelenkpe]

2. Is she teething?

Or does she have a cold? Has the temperature changed recently so that she is too hot or too cold at night? These are some things to consider. At around one year both of my kids stopped having multiple daytime naps and switched to a long two hour nap. They don't sleep again until 9:00pm. To get them to sleep through the night initially we would spend a couple of days with the chair next to their crib so we could pat them to sleep. We would pat their back or tummies lightly until they fell asleep. If they stirred at night we would wait a beat to see if they settled themselves back down. If not we would go in, make sure they weren't sick by feeling for a temp or listening for sniffles or signs of tummy distress. If none of those things applied we would pat them until they fell back asleep. Total time maybe 10 minutes. My daughter will sometimes be sitting up so I will pick her up briefly and rock her for a minute or two before settling her back down in her crib and patting if necessary.
A friend of mine who adopted an 8 month year old little girl was having similar problems to the ones you have described. He put their little girl's crib next to their bed for a couple of months. Then they moved the crib to the other side of the room and finally into their little girl's own room. They reversed the monitor for a while so she could hear them breathing in the other room too.
I can't do the ferber thing because I think it's too harsh (but that's me it works for many). My kids both go to daycare off and on and they do the whole patting thing there so I figured those ladies must know something. Good luck!

[wildeyed]

3. Could she be napping too close to bedtime?

That was always an issue with mine. I would wake them up if their nap lasted beyond a certain time, otherwise, they would not go down at bedtime. Also, are you certain the sitter is being truthful about the amount of time she naps? Does the 30-90 minutes square with your experience on the weekends? Your sitter may be wonderful, but I have heard of some who let the child sleep and sleep during the day so their job will be easier.

Another thought, she may not be sleeping enough during the day. It is counter-intuitive, but sometimes, sleep begets sleep. A child who is sleep deprive may be too wound up and exhausted to get to sleep at night, where as a more rested child might be calmer. 30-90 minutes does not sound like enough for a one year old. Also, in my experience, 9 pm is too late a bedtime for a little one. We always shot for 7pm to 7am with ours. They did drop naps early, around age three, and it might have been as a result of the early bedtime, but overall, they were both reasonably good sleepers.

And finally, some kids just need less sleep. Nearly kills the parents, but that is the way they are wired up.

Whatever you decide, routine and consistency is most important to developing good sleep habits. Figure out what you want to do, and commit to sticking to the routine, at least for a week or two, to figure out if it is working. Generally, when you try a new sleep tactic, things get worse before they get better, so start on a weekend so you won't be too tired during your work day.

Good luck, sleep issues are the hardest.

[midnight armadillo]

4. LOL

I only laugh because your daughter sounds a bit like my 2 sons. She's not quite in their league since they're the worst sleepers I've ever heard of and they both had bad acid reflux, but it's close :-)

Suggestions: do the bath earlier in the morning. Raising the body temperature close to bedtime can make it hard for some kids to sleep. Establish a routine: it's key towards her accepting that playtime is done. It doesn't have to be elaborate. My 20-month old son's routine goes something like: bedtime snack (whole milk yogurt & fruit: fat and fiber keep you full a long time), teeth brush, oragel for teething pain, diaper, 4 board books, sings a song or three in a dim room with me, nurses to sleep with mommy. Keep the evening playtime quieter so she's not all wound up at bedtime. Make the day nap earlier in the day. Use oragel or Motrin for teething pain if any.

Weird thing about the little ones: the less the sleep, the harder it is for them to get to sleep, the opposite of adults.

You can Ferber-ize if you want to. We never did because our boys are the type that would have just cried for 12 hours. The success of that method depends on the personality of the child. A more gentler version is the no-cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley.

Good luck!

[Sabriel]

5. That happened to me when I went back to coffee around that time.

Apparently it was coming through in the breast milk. Any chance of that?

I don't want to start a flame war by any means, but letting children "cry it out" reinforces the notion that no one is there for them when they most need it. I don't think any of us need to get that message any more than we already have, lately. IMO.

This is a phase that you'll get through. An annoying phase, to be sure. We did co-sleep with our two kids (who now occupy their own beds by choice), so you could go that route.

[dropkickpa]

6. Bathtime killed us

Dropkid has always LOVED water, so bath time just hyped her up (still does at age 7). Bathtime was immediately following dinner, about 3 hours before bedtime. I always tried to avoid the whole nursing to sleep thing (easy once I weaned her to bottled BM at 9 months). I had a lot of luck putting her in her crib when she was sleepy (not sleeping) and sitting and reading a story quietly to her. Putting her in there when she was sleeping already always led to her crying when she woke up periodically through the night, but once I switched to the other method she was better able to self-soothe and put herself back to sleep.

Good luck!

[trotsky]

7. What worked for us, and it seems totally counter-intuitive...

but you need to get her to bed EARLIER. Our first child acted just like yours - we were struggling as we got him into bed around 8:30. Our pediatrician said move up his bedtime an hour. We were doubtful, but it worked. We actually gradually moved him back to 7pm and that finally got him into a rhythm that worked. The old saying "Sleep breeds sleep" is true.

[Tumbulu]

8. good post

I found this to be true with my daughter as well.

Good good luck.

[mzmolly]

9. We had a sidecar - removed bars from the crib - and let our daughter sleep along side us

with her crib pushed up to our bed. We all slept quite well. I'd suggest perhaps moving at least the crib in the room with you for now? I know this isn't a conventional suggestion, but we decided it worked for us. And, we found support when we found a http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp">NAME for how we parented. Our child is nine, and I have no regrets about "AP".

Peace

[tigereye]

10. we finally had to take the "let him cry" approach

it was hard for a while, but it worked. I was gradually fading - gradually reducing the amount of time I would go into his room, but it only worked to a point. I felt kind of bad about it, but nothing else seemed to work other than "cold turkey," so to speak.


We also had to put a gate on the door to his room after he got the toddler bed, since he loved the novelty of getting out of bed, sneaking into our room and yelling BOO! :rofl:


He's 11 now and sleeps very well and has always been the type of kid who goes to bed late and sleeps late....

[qb]

11. Letting her sleep with you is not a bad thing.

I agree with the earlier bedtime, but if she wakes up crying, let her sleep with you. Some kids need that comfort and security for a while. It will work itself out. My son went through a phase where he would wake up and come sleep with me almost every night. After a while he just started sleeping through the night in his own bed.

[moc]

12. It could be a developmental burst (m)

Has she previously gone to bed/slept through the night without a problem? If so, it may be a developmental burst of some sort coming on. Kids tend to "fall apart" in some way before making some stride developmentally, either in terms of motor development, language development, or cognitive development. My kids always seemed to fall apart in the sleep department. T. Berry Brazelton probably describes the phenomenon best in his Touchpoints books.

My only recommendations would be to reduce stimulation in the late afternoon/evening and see if that helps. You don't say, but if the TV is on, you might want to turn it off. Also, depending on how rambunctious evening playtime is, you might want to cut that out and replace it with, perhaps, joint book reading.

But, like I said, if she was previously having no problem, you may want to just stick to your routine. If it's a developmental burst, she should normalize her sleep habits in a couple of weeks.