Tantrums: Coping with the caveman in the crib

[Dover]

Tantrums: Coping with the caveman in the crib




...In his latest book, "The Happiest Toddler on the Block," Karp tries to teach parents the skills to communicate with and soothe tantrum-prone children. In doing so, however, he redefines what being a toddler means. In his view, toddlers are not just small people. In fact, for all practical purposes, they're not even small Homo sapiens.

Karp notes that in terms of brain development, a toddler is primitive, an emotion-driven, instinctive creature that has yet to develop the thinking skills that define modern humans. Logic and persuasion, common tools of modern parenting, "are meaningless to a Neanderthal," Karp says.

The challenge for parents is learning how to communicate with the caveman in the crib. "All of us get more primitive when we get upset, that's why they call it 'going ape,' " Karp says. "But toddlers start out primitive, so when they get upset, they go Jurassic on you."

Improving the ways parents cope with crying and tantrums isn't just a matter of convenience. "The No. 1 precipitant to child abuse is the kid who cries and gets upset and doesn't settle down and whines and whines," says Robert Fox, professor of psychology at Marquette University and director of the behavior clinic at Penfield Children's Center in Milwaukee. "It's a real vulnerable situation for abuse."

Karp's baby program has been endorsed by several government health agencies, leaders of Prevent Child Abuse America and others. Karp will discuss his toddler program in an address to the Early Head Start program, which provides early childhood services to low-income families.

But Karp's method of toddler communication is not for the self-conscious. It involves bringing yourself, both mentally and physically, down to a child's level when he or she is upset. The goal is not to give in to a child's demands, but to communicate in a child's own language of "toddler-ese."

..cont'd

http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/02/06/healthscience/05well.php

[tigereye]

1. well, I agree about the neurological aspect to some extent

but babies and toddlers are capable of more complex learning than we often expect.

I really think it depends on the temperament of the baby/toddler. There is no reason they can't learn from and respond to basic/simple behavioral messages, ie, toddlers can learn to sit for a short time in time out, or can be calmed by you sometimes. Sure they blow sometimes, but it's not all the time.

[latebloomer]

2. The concept works with adults, too!

People like to feel that you hear and validate them-- this lessens their anger- rather than arguing with them or trying to change their minds.