11 yr old and homework

[Tab]

I'm in my 40's, father of my 11 yr old boy, was step father to my first wife's child through age 10, was a single father to my boy for many years and now remarried. I'm fairly well educated, my wife is well educated.

My son is extremely smart and bright. His organizational skills, however, suck. He probably gets that from me. The problem is that he is getting low grades, mainly due to homework (his school has a computerized grading system that breaks everything down). If he has a low grade, it's because - invariably - of homework, and this is the thing - I know he does the homework. He just "forgets" to turn it in. That's the easiest part of the whole deal! I really don't know. His teachers have said the 11 yr old's (at least the boys) are all "organizationally challenged" - he's not the only one with trouble keeping track of stuff, but I'm at a loss as to what to do. We have homework communication, both online postings (through HomeworkNow) and sheets that need to be signed, so I can verify WHAT he has for homework and make sure he does it, but I have no control over whether he hands anything in. Invariably he "forgot" his workbook or whatever to bring it in to hand it in.

I'm going to set up another line of communication with his teacher again to make sure people on both sides (home and school) are watching this issue, but any other ideas? I just grew up a "good student" who always turned in his homework, so I'm at a loss to understand this.

Suggestions welcome. Or at least, commiseration, so I know I'm not alone in this.

TIA,

- Tab

(Edited for dumb typos, which is not a reflection of my eduction, but simply my age :) )

[wildeyed]

1. I think this is pretty common, especially with boys.

It may be that he all he needs is a little guidance and practice with organizational skills, or it could be more serious.

Many very bright students have stealth learning disabilities (or learning differences, however you want to phrase it) that don't come to light until the child is older. Bright kids are often able to compensate for weaknesses, so they aren't noticed until later in the child's academic career.

Here is my personal experience. I was diagnosed with mild dyslexia in 3rd or 4th grade, but it was decided that I was compensating well and I never received any accommodations. The problem was, I was very advanced in some areas and tasks were too easy to keep my attention, and in other areas, most notably rote memorization, I struggled madly and failed. I was accused of being lazy, stubborn and unmotivated, which was doubly hard to take because I had been trying so hard.

Long story short, I almost flunked out of high school and had been demoted to mostly remedial classes while at the same time I posted a verbal SAT scores in th 99th percentile. What a waste, you know? And the worst of it wasn't the waste of academic talent, it was the emotional pain and low self esteem that resulted from the continual academic failure and lack of understanding I received from both the school administrators and my family. Some very moderate accommodations through the school, or the occasional, "I know you are really trying hard" from a parent would have made a huge difference for me.

Now a have my own children, and although they are still young, they are showing many of the same mental traits I exhibited as a child. Here are some good books I have read so far to get prepared for what I am sure will be an interesting ride:

Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos: How to Help the Child Who Is Bright, Bored and Having Problems in School
http://www.amazon.com/Dreamers-Discoverers-Dynamos-Problems-Formerly/dp/0345405730/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1202744437&sr=1-1

The Mislabeled Child
http://www.amazon.com/MISLABELED-CHILD-SOLUTIONS-CHILDRENS-CHALLENGES/dp/1401308996/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1202744592&sr=1-1

Good luck!

[Tab]

2. Thanks; I haven't noticed any other problems

In fact, during orientation (for middle school - 6th grade), his math teacher suggested we stop in once or twice during the year and clear out lockers if we have boys. He says the girls lockers are nice and organized with pictures, hangers, and sometimes mirrors, and the boys dump all their stuff at the bottom of their locker.

A few weeks ago we attended a spelling bee and took the opportunity to take him up to clear out his locker. Darned if it didn't look like a landfill at the bottom. While we were at it, a girl came over and opened up her locker next to his, and darned if it didn't have pictures, and hangers, and a mirror, and everything nicely organized.

Must just be the age. I'm going to work with the teachers to make sure his stuff gets handed in.

(sigh)

[tigereye]

3. I can't tell you how many times I have heard this same things from parents

that I work with - I'm in the mental health field. My son also has a pile of papers in his cubby that we have to clean out every so often. He does usually remember to hand the HW in, though, as his school is really small and the teacher will ask him for it.


If I had 5 bucks for every time I have heard that kids DO their HW, but it doesn't get to the teacher, and they are for this reason failing or close to it, I would be rich! ;)


I would talk to his teachers and see if they can work out some kind of reminder system - or a folder system, so that he has it all in hand to hand it in (take from locker/bookbag to class) It's more of a pain if he has a lot of different classes and diff. teachers, as in Middle SChool, though. Personally, I think a lot of kids are not really ready for the amount of organizational skills that are expected at these ages. (this is a pet peeve of mine.) Or you could ask some of the teachers to make him go back to the locker (or help him sort things at the beginning of the day, so HW is in one folder with sections, and can be handed in to each teacher.)

I have joked to parents that maybe they should be able to fax this work to the teachers/school, since it's a crime that kids get crappy grades because they can't get it onto the teacher's desk.

You might also want to check out organizational classes that some schools have for kids, or the IST team, if he qualifies.


good luck to you and to him.

[Tab]

4. Oh, we've created organizational systems

bought notebooks separated out for each subject, work to return home, homework due, homework to turn in.

Nevertheless it defies us all

Thanks; we'll keep plugging away.

[Sabriel]

5. We use one of those expanding file thingies, which helps

Everything's in one spot, and it's not too huge.

On the other hand, it doesn't necessarily mean he'll open it up and physically take out the papers, either. You can only do so much as a parent. Just hope you get a teacher who's not a hard-ass and will understand. They're out there.

[Tab]

6. Exactly. I did the same thing.

Got a partitioned notecase, a section sheets to come back, a section for homework to hand in, a section for announcements, sections for each subject. Not too huge, but everything can be organized.

Didn't make a darn bit of difference. Still shoves all the papers into one place, with stuff that dates back centuries.

(sigh)

Well, at least I'm not alone in this. Thanks for the commiseration. :(