Okay, how do you get your kids to eat?

[Orrex]

I have two, an almost 5-year-old and an almost 2-year-old. Neither will eat anything. Ever.

Well, that's a small exaggeration. They love french fries and pizza, and the 5-year-old will eat pierogies with some predictability. He also likes vegetables sometimes, but not always.

Every dinner that doesn't feature one of the above favored items has the same result; they both sit there for 90 minutes without touching their food, until in despair my wife and I just turn them loose. We are exasperated because it's wasted food, and because we have this insane, selfish fantasy that maybe someday we'll live to see our kids eat one healty meal willingly.

I confess that I have absolutely no idea what to do. My mother suggested that, at the first sign of stubbornness (a la "awwwww, I don't like mashed potatoes"), we simply take the plate away and say "okay, you're done with dinner." But this doesn't work at all; the two little angels happily return to whatever it was they were doing before dinner, and that's that.

Sometimes it will happen that the 5-year-old goes on and on all afternoon about this or that food that he wants for dinner, and when we give it to him, he sits there looking at it.

Withholding of snacks doesn't work, either; if we do that, they just gripe and complain all afternoon about how hungry they are. And then when we have them in the chair, we get "awwwww, I don't like mashed potatoes." I've seen them drink whole swimming pools full of apple juice in under ten seconds, but a 5-ounce cup of milk will hold them at bay for two hours.

I'm not so naive as to think that this is just about food. Clearly there's a sort of attention/manipulation thing going on, but what to do about it? It's to the point that I'm actually worried about their health (though they are, in fact, healthy according to their most recent check-ups), and I'm also worried about instilling bad food habits.

What do you suggest? I've thought about building a Clockwork Orange-style chair with a mouth-brace so that I can just dump food into their gullets, but I admit that this approach seems a bit extreme. However, I'm willing to entertain just about any other suggestion at all, because to date absolutely nothing has worked. At all.

[AwakeAtLast]

1. WMUette is picky, too

The rule for her is that if she does not like what we are having, she gets two choices (that she likes, BTW): Applesauce (no sugar added) or a piece of bread (whole wheat). Her choices of drink at meal times are juice, water, or milk. Amazingly enough she chooses water a lot more often than I expect her to. If she comes back to us and says she is hungry, she gets the same two choices. Sometimes when we were out of one of those choices, we allowed a bowl of cereal. When we first started doing that, she went about three weeks eating a lot of applesauce and bread. Little by little she started eating more and more of what we were eating.

That was three years ago, BTW. It has taken awhile, but she is doing a lot better with her choices and even trying new foods without a lot of complaining.

I hope this is helpful! :hi:


edited for punctuation

[Orrex]

3. That's a good suggestion--thanks for the tip!

I'm consistently amazed that my older son likes vegetables so much, because they're the classic stereotypical item for kids to hate. And I suspect that the two-year-old would do a better job of eating if his big brother weren't engaging in such histrionics at every meal time.

So perhaps your technique will help rein in the older, so that the younger can get into a good habit without the distraction.

Thanks again!

[Lars39]

2. My daughter's pediatrician once told me that girls usually only eat the

equivalent of one full meal per day until puberty. That's why good snacks are so important.

on edit: isn't juice now considered empty calories?

[Orrex]

4. That's an interesting factoid--does it apply for boys, too?

And we're reasonably sparing with the juice. On the plus side, it's enriched or fortified or whatever the term is, so that it has a full day's vitamin C, etc.

[Lars39]

10. Don't remember asking.

Son ate everything under the son, then daughter came along and seemed to live on air. :D

[seabeyond]

17. yes... applies to boys. this is another conditioning. fathers, lol, tend ot brag about boys

appetite. my brothers two boys... oh ate so much, everything, out of house and home, lol. they would come to my house and eat same as boys. that legendary boy appetite picks up a little later in life, i see differences of when it kicks in. but a lot of times it is indicative of being a boy and forced on them when they aren't there.

[seabeyond]

18. that is what i heard and what we did. worked for us. n/t

[trotsky]

5. Just keep at it, is the only advice I can give.

Consistency. Oh, and choice. Sometimes it seems kids just need to feel they have some power over what they eat. So for the longest time we would prepare two vegetables, and the kids would choose which one they wanted. But the catch was, they HAD to pick one. Today (my son is 9, my daughter 7) will gladly eat their vegetables and - get this - REQUEST them. My son loves carrots, and my daughter digs broccoli. Yup, she actually filled up on it one meal and let her hamburger get cold. They'll even ask to try other stuff. For instance, I love Brussels sprouts. I've never made the kids eat them, because it's a tough vegetable for a kid to enjoy. But my daughter always asks for a small one when I make some for my wife & me.

Milk: We've ALWAYS given milk as the beverage. Juice and pop are "sometimes" drinks for special occasions, like when we order a pizza. Have you tried chocolate milk? Nestle Quik also comes in strawberry and vanilla flavors, the nutrition in milk is worth adding a little sugar here and there, IMHO.

In addition, set a good example. Make sure you eat the same stuff you put in front of them.

Oh and also, start small. Let them get by with just ONE BITE of veggies for a few meals. Next time make it two bites. Be sure to mark childhood achievements (you're 6 today, that means you need to have 3 bites!) with increased expectations. We started on this stuff early and it has paid off. So much so that at McDonald's for a birthday party, my daughter at age 5 actually *requested* the apples with her Happy Meal instead of fries!

[Orrex]

6. A good suggestion

Tonight's dinner was home-made chicken strips and mashed potatoes--two foods that have previously been met with approval.

This time, though, it was like we served a big plate of dog shit. They poked at it and moaned and groaned, and the two-year-old stood up in his booster seat, straining against the straps, apparently disgusted at the horror arrayed before him.

Honestly, I don't know how they have the energy to make it through a day, because they sure as hell don't seem to eat enough.

Of course, as soon as the almost-five-year-old leaves the table, he whines "I'm hungry, can I have a snack."


I confess that I am unlikely, at that moment, to be nominated for father-of-the-year.

[trotsky]

7. See now you've got an extra challenge right there. Don't envy you one bit.

At least the food my kids loved, they were consistent about. My son could eat chicken strips/nuggets/fingers EVERY DAY and not get sick of them. It SO helps to have a "favorite" that they'll always slobber over. Can you say bribe?

With my daughter, it was Ramen noodles. No kidding. Cook up the noodles, drain, add a pat of butter and half the seasoning packet. Or spaghetti. Couldn't get enough of the noodles.

I guess the only other advice I can give you then is what I have read. Consistency. You made those chicken strips and potatoes, that's what is for supper. No debate. No snacks after - you can heat up what was made for the meal but nothing else. Once they've eaten what was made for them, well, dessert, snacks, lots of options. You've got to be firm, if you relent just once they'll walk all over you. It's their job, they're kids, they prod and test the limits until they find a way to get what they want.

Good luck, because you're going to need it!

[Orrex]

8. Maybe I'll try acupuncture

I hear that it's been practiced unchanged for 2,000 years.

[trotsky]

9. BWAH HA HA HA HA

Didn't see that coming. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Tumbulu]

11. how about smoothies?

My daughter never ate anything either, but she would drink these yogurt drinks I made for her. I calculated that she was getting more than all the requirements for calcium, protein and other nutrients (I forget now which ones) from these drinks. She drank them all the time and is now at age 7 finally eating almost normally.

I mix 2/3 Straus organic European style whole milk yogurt (this is not a solid yogurt, thus no blender is required, and probably regular kefir might work just as easily) with 1/3 organic pear juice. And I served it in a sippy cup, so she did not see that it was so much yogurt.

She consumed nearly a pint a day of yogurt from age two until about year ago. Now, she still starts her day with this drink, and sometimes ends it with it as well. So, you may try experimenting with high quality drinks of some kind as perhaps some children have trouble actually chewing and sitting still at the table and all of that. My daughter sure had trouble with these things.

Also, for greens she quite luckily fell in love with those seaweed snacks and will eat the sushi wrappers whenever given the chance. This I did not really worry about all this not wanting to eat anything as she was getting a great deal through these drinks and snacks.

Tonight we went to a restaurant with my older sister who is very fussy about manners and she commented on how absolutely delightful my daughter was. And how one never runs into children like this nowadays. So, the fussy dinner stuff does end.

Good luck

[Orrex]

12. That's a good suggestion, worth looking into

Also, if I get around to building those immobilizing chairs, a smoothie will be easier to pour down their throats than solid food.


Thanks for your input, and sorry for my delayed response!

[Sabriel]

13. I'd say, let them not eat.

We give the kids healthy snacks (fruit, veg, nuts) during the day, and sometimes they're hungry at dinner, sometimes not.

I've never heard of a kid starving through lack of interest. Provide a bunch of colorful nibbly things for dinner, some bread, fruit, cheese, and let it go at that. If they don't eat, they don't eat.

My sister was the same way, and it didn't seem to affect either her health or her future eating habits.

Consider it a phase and roll with it. That's my new parenting mantra. We'll see how it goes....

[elleng]

14. A friend said her Doc said

'they won't starve themselves to death,' so I agree; they'll learn to live with the consequences of their own behavior.

Another friend had a kid (20+- years ago) who appeared to be 'fussy' about eating, and his mother, my friend's wife, seemed to spend the rest of her life coddling to/trying to cater to the kid's tastes. Just hearing about her exercises drove me nuts!

[fight4my3sons]

15. My oldest is very picky

He will only eat peanut butter and fluff, grilled cheese, pizza, some pastas, waffles,yogurt, and chicken nuggets. He is six. My twins (age four) will eat almost anything. We make one meal at dinner and the boys know that they are to eat what is prepared. We don't make them eat anything. I'm not going to fight over food, but I'm not going to make five different dinners either. I make sure that during the week I make things that everyone likes. I'm hoping that the oldest will grow out of this stage at some point. His doctor says he is healthy and not to worry. I provide healthy snacks and try to make what he does eat as healthy as I can (I know fluff is not healthy a friend gave it to him at her house and he refused jelly after that).

[seabeyond]

16. i put the food in front, stuff i knew they liked, healthy and let them eat.

they never eat much and so dish up only so much.... or half a sandwich or whatever and then i let them control their eating. kids young are generally really good at eating what they need and not over doing it. we think they need more than they do. i did not want meal to become battle. moderation in unhealthy. we did not always dictate our eating (not often) to what little ones like so my kids did a lot more experiencing than a lot of little ones.

they have a diverse apetite older which i really appreciate and they try things. we encourage trying, and let it go if they dont like.

but a schedule three meals without expectation of a lot eaten and then mid afternoon snack of protein or fruit. my oldest boy had to have a jolt of protein about 4. slice of ham. chunk of cheese.

but really, i let them do their food to not have an unnecessary battle and start a war over foods.

[semillama]

19. When I was a youngster

the ONLY way my parents could get me to eat cuts of meat like steak and pork chops was to tell me it came from dinosaurs. So you might have to get really creative.

[aikoaiko]

20. Just Take a Bite!

A good book (like a workbook) on resistant eaters is Just Take a Bite: http://www.amazon.com/Just-Take-Bite-Lori-Ernsperger/dp/1932565124 One idea is "food chaining." You take a food they already like and change it just a bit. For example, different type of cheese on the otherwise same type of macoroni and cheese. Getting them to accept these differences can lead to greater acceptance of a variety of foods.