Could use some help regarding meeting other parents, etc.

[OnionPatch]

We are somewhat new to our area and have very few acquaintances in our community, partly because we're so busy working. Our only child is ten years old. We're relatively old to have a ten-year-old child and haven't really developed many friendships with the other parents around here. What friends we've met are our age or older and don't have kids at home. Until now, my daughter has not asked to bring a lot of friends home or go to their houses but now she's 10 and starting to be more social.

I grew up in an era where parents would ask one or two questions about their kid's friends' parents....."What does so and so do?" or "is their mom going to be home" and that was that. We were dropped off to play at each other's houses regularly and our parents hardly knew each other. I know these days people are a lot more careful, myself included. But I feel kind of clueless regarding the social etiquette of the day regarding kids/parents and their social visits, etc. My daughter asked her friend to come over today and I said fine. The friend's mom will bring her over for awhile. Should I assume the friend's mom is going to be here the whole time to visit with me? And what about when someone asks my child to their home when I don't know them at all? Of course I would like to meet them, know them first and know they aren't whackos or something. Will the parents expect me to visit the first time? What do people do these days? And how do you handle the tricky situations that arise when your kids love each other but you have absolutely nothing in common with their parents, even though they seem to be decent people?

I could really use some personal examples of how you all handle the social thing with the other parents. Are there any unspoken rules? What are your guidelines for leaving your child to play at a classmate's home? I didn't become a parent until I was 40 and I've never exactly been a social butterfly (at least not in any conventional circles. :)) I don't want that to mess up my daughter's social life, though. She's an only child and could use some more friends to hang out with.

[mzteris]

1. get involved in PTA or volunteering in the classroom...

is your child involved in extra curriculars? Soccer, dance, gymnastics? Volunteer to help with the sports stuff, hang around the studio or gym. It's a good way to meet other parents.

When your daughter wants to invite someone over for the first time, speak to the mom, say something like, "My daughter would love to have your child come over and play. I know we've never met and, if you're like me, you'd probably feel more comfortable getting to know us a bit better. Would you like to come and have a cup of coffee/tea while they play for a while? Or maybe we could take them to the park, zoo, putt-putt .. .

OTHER parents are just as concerned about knowing who their kid's hanging out with. Some parents don't think that way, but plenty do. Most would welcome the chance to get to know you, too.

When I take my kid over to someone's house, I sort of invite myself in for a while. (Yeah, I'm pushy like that.) I don't just drop them off, I go to the door and then engage them in conversation.

I'm an "older mom" now, too. My youngest is eleven and I'm older than you. Though I do have a 16 yo and a 29 yo, too so I've been at this for a while. :)

[uncommon]

4. Seconded. I joined the PTO at my daughter's school this year and made several parent friends so far

It helps that you all have a common interest.

Also, if your child has a friend at school, send a note with your contact information so they can give it to the friend and it will get to their parents. This has worked for me. My daughter is still really young so she isn't really at the point of just getting a phone number and telling me what she wants to do lol.

[seabeyond]

2. at 10 the parent does NOT have to hang out there. by that age a simple, i gotta talk to the parent

(over the phone) to ensure the play date was ok'ed by the parent, pick up time ect....

i always tell a new kid coming to my home or going to another home, a chat with parent.

by ten the kid can tell you if any problems in home, they will call to come home if uncomfortable. most of the kids i know enough about because son talks about them when he gets in car, so i have an idea. i almost always and exclusively have the kids at my house first, and often a number of times after. i am anti social, but i pick up kid and at events over the years, have an idea what is up in the homes.

encourage your daughter to invite, invite, invite any kid she wants to have over. you do not have to be in the social circle. be open to having the kids spend the night, ect.... she is just starting or will soon

i like the kids to come to this house. and kids like to come to this house.

[tigereye]

3. usually the parents - mom or dad would come over for a while, while the kids

played, and we got to know each other, and then it was easier after that. Or I would go over to the other kid's home for a while the first time. Sometimes you get to know other parents from school functions or birthday parties, and then it was a lot easier. Give yourself time, you will get it. :D


My issue is that my son doesn't like to call anyone- :rofl: I've had to insist a few times.