My 14-year-old has his has first girlfriend. I'd appreciate some advice.

[Arugula Latte]

My son started high school and has his first girlfriend. He is a nice kid, popular, good grades, athletic, involved in school leadership, etc., and so is his girlfriend, who is also a freshman.

So far their relationship seems to consist of them hanging out in groups and texting each other. However, I don't want to be the naive parent who is caught off guard. I do seriously doubt that they would have sex; however, I'm not so stupid as to deny that it is in the realm of possibilities.

Does anyone have experience with talking to their young teens who are starting a relationship? If he were, sixteen, say, we'd give him pretty explicit information about birth control and the like, but I'm not sure exactly what to say to a fourteen year old.

Thanks for any insight!

[Sabriel]

1. I had that talk with my 10 y.o. daughter

It's never too early.

My partner taught 6th grade and had four pregnant girls in class, plus who knows how many unknown others?

Sounds to me like it's time for the "birth control is your responsibility" and "no means no" discussions.

Edited to add: we buy car insurance BEFORE we have an accident, not after. Same thing goes for sexual responsibility talks.

[seabeyond]

2. 0ver the years, (kids are 14 and 16), we have been talking about all this stufff

we are not shy in our house, and have open conversation. so many things today come up, that have led to conversation. by 14 i would have already talked about condoms. and not in the context of the kids relationship.

my oldest had his first serious GF at 16. hubby was ready to take him down to the drugstore to show him not to be embarassed buying condoms, but he broke up with GF so there was not the need to get to the store. i do think you get the first box well before the possibility. i have told both son and older niece, buying the product is not saying sex is ok, or that sex is expected or kid should have sex, .... it is a precaution. have it handy. be smart. i am not raising a grandchild.

i think if you are connected with the child and around, you do have an idea what is going on with the kid.

[mzteris]

3. HAVE THE TALK!!

do not wait. . .

Tell him about the responsibility.

Talk to him about RESPECT! for himself as well as his partner.

What the other poster said, "NO MEANS NO!"

Tell him that "using other people for sexual gratification is wrong".

Tell him that yes, sometimes girls will use sex to get a boyfriend - or a baby.

Talk to him about abortion. Yes, he needs to understand that concept BEFORE he has sex. Agree, disagree - doesn't matter. Need to talk about it.

Talk to him about CHILD SUPPORT.

Tell him that if they "really love each other" they WILL wait because, yes, they are too young. . . Hell, you can't even get a license to drive a car at 14, right?

Set ground rules about behaviour. No closed doors. No being alone in a house (or other convenient location) together for any extended period of time. You know, that "lead me not into temptation thing" - if they have limited OPPORTUNITY, it lessens the likelihood.

just my $0.02...

I always told my kids, "I hope you're wise enough to wait, but if you're not, you must be smart enough to protect yourself!"

So far, so good. . . . :)