Question about guns at friends' houses-sad story/violence in this message

[phylny]

Last week, we got a phone call from a parent whose daughter wants my youngest to sleep over, and we had a nice conversation. Later on that day, I had a nagging thought - out of the blue. I have never asked other parents of my childrens' friends if they have a gun in the house. We're new to this community, and I don't know a lot of people. I've always told our girls that if they EVER see a gun at someone's house, that they should call me immediately or leave, but I've never come right out and asked the question of other parents.

On Monday, we got word that one of my daughter's friends in our former town (we moved out-of-state in June) and her boyfriend died from gunshot wounds to their heads. Their parents evidently had prohibited them from seeing each other, and they decided that if they couldn't be together, that they would die together. It's not known if it was a murder-suicide or a suicide-suicide, but no third person is suspected. Suicide notes were found. They alledgedly used the boy's father's gun.

So, herein lies my nagging dilemma, and I thought I'd ask other parents for their views. I don't have anything against people owning guns - it's their right, and I don't find fault with them. I DO believe that more often than not, a gun in the house is dangerous.

What would you do? Would you/do you ask other parents if there's a gun in their house before you allow your children to play there or have a sleep over?

Thanks in advance.

[Chalco]

1. I know the case you're talking about

It was in Virginia wasn't it? It's all over the papers here. Nice kids apparently.

I've thought about this question also. I actually haven't asked because I can't imagine any of the houses my kid has stayed at so far have guns. But, it is in the back of my mind at all times. For some reason I'm actually afraid to ask. But, I think we should. It's recommended by the local chapter of moms against guns which is spearheaded by a mom who lost her son to an accident...kids playing with a gun.

I don't know what do others think.

[phylny]

6. The kids were VERY nice.

My daughter is flabbergasted - cannot comprehend this.

Thanks for your advice.

[rbnyc]

2. Yes. I would ask.

I would say, "I respect your right to choose whether or not to keep a gun in your house, but it's important to me to know, before my child spends time in your home, whether or not you do." And if they said that they did, I would probably thank them for being honest with me, tell them that it's no reflection on them or their ability to keep a gun responsibly, but I do not want my child in a home with a gun unless I am present, and decline the invitation to the sleep-over.

That's what I would do. UNLESS, I knew the family VERY well, knew how and where they kept their gun and bullets, approved of how they were kept, trusted them very much, AND had a good feeling about it. Then, I MIGHT let my son spend the night.

[MountainLaurel]

3. yes, Yes, YES

Mainly because I've seen firsthand what guns left unlocked can do to a child.

When I was about 9, and my brother 7, he shot himself with a police revolver of my father's. We had always had guns in the house, and were told upon pain of death to stay away from them. My dad had borrowed it from a buddy (a deputy sheriff), and had loaded it with some sort of grapeshot bullet to keep crows out of the trees, or some such nonsense. The gun had been left in the top of a hall closet. The reason he had gotten the gun out: My brother and his best friend, with all the sense of reality that 7-year-olds raised on cartoons would have, wanted the gun so that they could rob the town bank.

That night, my mom and I were out of the living room for just a minute, down the hall trying out a new clock radio, when we heard what sounded like a firecracker exploding in a jar. We ran down the hall and opened the door -- there was literally a fountain of blood coming out of his leg. That sight will remain with me as long as I live.

Chris had propped the gun against his knee while trying to load it, not knowing it already was. It went off directly into his leg. My mother was able to get him to the hospital before he bled to death (a 10-minute drive out a pothole-filled WV highway on a good day); it missed the major artery by about 1/2 inch. They did not have to amputate, but my brother was in the hospital for two weeks, and needed a year's worth of physical therapy in order to walk normally. A couple months afterward, he got a mystery infection that ratched his temperature up dangerously high. To this day (more than 20 years later) he still has grapeshot rise to the skin's surface, and the knee aches in cold, damp weather. Of course, this doesn't even begin to address the psychic damage all of us endured. Except, of course, my father, because nothing is ever his fault.

And, in my high school, it was an annual event that some students were playing around with a gun at someone's house, usually drunk, and someone died. This despite the fact that we all endured state-mandated gun safety training in our high school physical education class.


So no, I will never let a child of mine visit a friend without my knowing if there is a gun in the house.

:cry:

[abelenkpe]

4. growing up

my parents never allowed guns in the house. Recently they have purchased guns and have been going to shooting ranges. Now I love my parents, but when go back east to visit I will be staying with my Aunt. Guns in a house around kids are a hazard, no matter how old the kids are or how well their parents have educated them. Boys especially are curious. I would never want my little guy to stay in a home with guns. But that's just me.

My hubby agrees. Here's a story from my hubby. He lost a friend when he was young.

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A friend of mine was taking care of his father's house while he was on vacation. His dad was retired from the miliary and was a ranking officer on the police force. His house was full of weapons. He taught all of his kids gun safety. Anyway, my friend invited a few guys over to play cards. They were drinking. A lot. One of his favorite guns was a 357 magnum. Thought he had emptied all of the bullets out. Will swear to this day that he saw the chamber empty before it clicked into place. Was playing around, pulled the trigger, to everyone's horror the weapon discharged, hit our friend David in the chest, by his heart, at point blank range. Anyone who knows what this type of pistol will do - the entrance wound was clean, his lungs etc. were blown out of a sizable hole in his back. My friend tried committing suicide. Ultimately he was convicted of homicide by negligent use of a weapon. No harm was meant, just a few guys hangin' out playing cards, having a few drinks.

[mrgorth]

5. Ask.

[phylny]

7. Thanks to all for your responses n/t

[cally]

8. Ask

When my daughter was 4, she went to play at a friend's house. I knew the family well and I didn't think to ask. She came home telling how the boy had shown her the Dad's gun. :shudder: Nothing happened but that episode worried me. Of course, the boy was forbidden from handling the gun or showing it to anyone. Who knows what made them look at the gun that day. Guns need to be locked up with their ammo stored in a different locked cabinet. Kids should not know how to open the gun cabinets.

[mrgorth]

9. PS

No need to get political or "anti-gun". Just say you're uncomfortable with it and end it there. There is nothing more important than your kids' safety.

[melv]

10. Yes. Every time.

I ask every time there's a new friend. If they have a gun, where is it in the house? Are the bullets kept in the same place as the gun(although this won't safeguard from the bullet in the gun)?

After that, I decide. I either invite the friend to our house (no guns), ask to meetup somewhere or politly say we have other plans.

[OnionPatch]

11. Well, I have to admit

We have around 12-15 guns in our home. (My husband knows the exact number.) BUT, they are all stored in a locked gun cabinet with the ammo stored in another locked drawer. We are both sticklers about gun safety and safe gun storage. Our daughter is only four but as soon as she starts having friends that are old enough to even think about breaking into a gun cabinet, we plan to buy a tamper-proof safe to store the guns in.

That said, I would worry about homes with guns too because I don't know if I can trust other people to be as careful as we are.