How does my kid get these girls to leave her alone?

[tjdee]

On the bus, apparently there are two or three girls who are calling her a dork and they've been taking her hat off and throwing it back and forth. Once the bus aide comes, they stop, but :(

What can she do?

I told her to ignore them, tell the bus aide...should I not give her a hat? I am going to mention this to the bus driver on Monday. Or should I not do this because it will be embarrassing to the kiddo, drawing more attention to it?

They're all about 5/6. They're not in her class, just ride on the bus with her. I'm actually pretty mad and am restraining myself from asking WTF is wrong with people who raise brats. Woops.

[phylny]

1. What usually helps, and what I told my girls to do

if they were being bullied or people said nasty things, was to practice what to do in advance:

So, in this case, there are options:

1) If they start in, your daughter should say (as unemotionally as possible), "Why are you so mean?" Sometimes being direct and letting the bullies know that you're aware of it, and you will confront them (in a non-confrontational, non-physical way) helps.

2) If they start in, say, "If you do it again, my mom will need to call your parents and Principal ____. Leave me alone!"

In the meantime, I'd definitely make a few calls:

If you call the other parents, I'd discuss it nonconfrontationally:

"My daughter 'Sally' is having some trouble on the bus, and I don't know if you can help me. Now, I know six-year-old kids don't always give us the whole story, but Sally is saying that your daughter is calling her a "dork" and is throwing her hat around. She's mentioned it the the bus aide (credibility point), but it's still going on. Please understand that I'm not accusing your daughter, but I want to get to the bottom of this. If Sally's not being honest, I'll deal with it. Would you please ask your daughter about this, and if she says it's happening, can you please just ask her to stop? I really appreciate your understanding on this, and if I'm not getting the whole story from Sally, I'd really appreciate it if you'd call me and tell me so I can set things straight."

This direct, yet apologetic approach has worked wonders for us!

My second call would DEFINITELY be to the principal or assistant principal. Be prepared with the bus number and kids' names, if you have them and DEFINITELY tell the principal that the bus aide KNOWS ABOUT THIS. Stuff like this usually goes away quickly, especially if the girls in question don't have a history of being troublemakers and have never had a negative visit to the principal. It usually scares them witless to be called down.

Our experience has been that generally, at this age, there's not too much social "backlash" from reporting. Yeah, the parents might be jerks, but then you'll know why the kids are. Kids your daughter's age can't fend well for themselves.

Good luck.

[fortyfeetunder]

2. Best to talk with teacher and parents

I've had similar situation with my kid in school. I e-mailed the teacher to find out what was going on, and one day I had lunch with the other kid's parent.

I mentioned that my kid had similar conflicts with other close friends, and we exchanged some valuable information -- both kids had similar personalities and home situations (birth order related) so they were fiercely competitive. We both had that ah-ha moment, now we all have a handle on the situation.

[detroitguy]

5. Getting the other kids' parents involved...

...is, I think, a key thing.

[Chalco]

3. My recommendation is to teach her her how to one up them..much

like phylny.

When my daughter was 3 she was teased by other kids in nursery school because she still wore diapers and took a nap. She put her hands on her hips and said "You guys, just go take a hike!"

The kids never bothered her again.

So, teaching her to use her words and say something like "Knock it off!" will earn her respect in the pecking order of life. It may take some practice with you acting like a bully and her defending herself but it will pay off in the long run.

In the meantime also speak to the adults in charge.

Good luck!

[detroitguy]

6. I agree

But if the situation goes on, I think getting the other kids' parents involved is a very good idea.

[SoCalDem]

4. Sadly, the more you call attention to it, the WORSE it could get.

I would talk to the bus driver, and the teachers. If you know who the kids are, a phone call to the parents might help...but when they reprimand the kids, it might actually get worse for your child.

Bullying has been around since kids have been around..

I would try this.. Go to Goodwill and buy a bunch of ugly knitted hats.. She could then enter the bus, and hand the hats to all her antagonists.. They might be impressed with her moxie, and leave her alone :)


edited to add....

Maybe YOU could get on the bus with her and hand out the hats..

" Hi kids, I'm .......'s Mom and I understand you guys really like her hats...well... here are some hats I bought especially for you guys ".. You might actually embarrass them enough to leave her alone :)