Here's a letter we can all relate to.

[napi21]

LETTER TO MY PETS

Dear Dogs and/or Cats

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and they contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything larger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years; canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's (you know what). I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet owners who visit & like to complain about our pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (that's why they call it "fur"niture)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours & doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children

[BrklynLiberal]

1. ROTFLMAO!!!

Like someone was spying on my house.

Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I am constantly reminding them that there is nothing for them to inherit so they should stop trying to kill me.

[Grateful for Hope]

2. This is so true (and funny!)

I related most to this:

"For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years; canine or feline attendance is not mandatory."

I have constant howling and scratching at the bathroom door each time I am in there. My cats sound like they are in pain -- it's awful!

[yy4me]

3. AND, they are nicer than most people I know.

They forgive us for our shortcomings, not ridicule us for them. Best of all, they don't argue back.