Waiting for test results

[njlib]

My Buster just turned 12 in May. My Cinnamon will be 12 in August. Buster's been an "old man" for most of his life, probably the laziest, most mellow, belly scratching loving dog I've ever had. Cinnamon's still got the energy of a puppy, except she can't jump as high as she used to!

Buster's age is definitely showing. I think his hearing is just about gone and there are times when he seems to be senile and forgetful, but he's still my baby boy. Well, within the last week he's lost a lot of weight, will eat and then throw up hours later, and is just generally more lethargic than he's ever been. He's always been by my side...if I'm on the couch, he's either on me or next to me. Same goes for when I'm in bed. The past two nights, he hasn't come near me!

I worked a double shift yesterday and when I got home this morning I called the vet and took him in for an x-ray. I started my new career as an LPN, after 14 months of unemployment, in April of this year and have been working all sorts of crazy hours, spending less time at home than I ever have in any job. The dogs have not approved and have been VERY BAD with getting into the garbage if it's not locked in the bathroom and pulling things down off the counter or table. I thought that maybe he had an intestinal blockage. Well, the x-ray showed that the intestines were fine...but his spleen and/or liver are enlarged. He said it was hard to tell from the x-ray if it was one, the other, or both. They're going to call me with blood results tomorrow and to schedule an ultrasound. He said if it's the spleen, they remove 2 or 3 a month at his office and it's definitely the lesser of the two evils. If his liver enzymes are high, then that most likely means liver cancer.

I know what I'm most likely going to have to do and have been crying for two days now. I've had him since he was 8 weeks old...he was abandoned in a vacant apartment with no food or water for two days. What am I going to do without my baby boy?? I made it through my 1st shift yesterday without getting upset, but lost it during the second shift when I was talking to the nurse upstairs. My next day off is Thursday, so I guess that will be the day. My eyes are so swollen and sore, everyone's going to ask "What's the matter?" tomorrow and I'm just dreading it! Can't tend to patients if I'm crying my eyes out.

I just needed to post...sorry to be such a downer. Anybody got any miracle cures or stories? I sure could use one.

[Warpy]

1. 12 years is a pretty good age for a dog

and he's certainly had a great life since you came along. It's sad that we don't get to keep our furry friends forever, but they also teach us how to say goodbye.

In the meantime, I hope you're getting good news, that it's "only" an enlarged spleen. You can tell he feels lousy, though, so if it's bad news and there's no palliative care that will help him feel better, it's best to let him go peacefully and with a minimum of pain.

You'll feel like a murderess, of course, but there's no help for that.

In the meantime, you need to stop those double shifts. They're not fair to your fur babies and they're especially not fair to you. It's the quickest way I know to nurse burnout, overwork. If the place offers 12 hour shifts, check into them. You can work an extra one of those a week without killing yourself or endangering your patients and management will still love you.

/lecture off

[njlib]

2. Thank you, Warpy

They called at 8 am to tell me the ultrasound tech will be there at 1:00 and that I should bring him in around 12:00. He'll have to stay the afternoon, so my son will pick him up after work at about 5:00. It's going to be torture to drop him off and just walk out! I cry like a baby whenever I have to leave someone to be fixed. They had no blood results when she called, so I'm hoping they're not going to give them to me when I'm there. How the hell am I going to do this and then go to work?

As for work...I already feel burned out and I've only been there 3 months! Now is the time for everyone to be going on vacation, so that's why I'm getting asked to work. I've done doubles the past two Sundays because the 19 year old daughter of the 11-7 nurse is in the hospital. I don't know details, but she showed me a picture of her the other night and she's got a big bandage on her head. She's been in the hospital for quite some time now. This nurse has been so nice & helpful to me, so encouraging while I fumble along and try to find my way, there's no way I could say no to covering for her. After last week's double, I was scheduled to work that Monday at 3:00. I asked the morning supervisor to find someone to cover for me because my commute is 70 minutes and if I had to be back there at 3:00, I would only get 3 hours of sleep. I've done it before, but it's just too much. They ended up getting the nurse who I was supposed to be working for in the first place...she ended up working her day off and I felt horrible! It's a nursing home, so they don't have 12 hour shifts. Everyone keeps telling me to say NO, but I'm low man on the totem pole and realize I need to pay my dues. My next day off is Thursday, but I heard last week there's a mandatory meeting at 2:30 so I'll have to show up for that and I'm NOT looking forward to it at all.

Everything really, really sucks right now....

[Warpy]

6. That's what agency nurses are for

and one thing every new nurse, especially in a nursing home, needs to learn how to do is say "NO!" because they will work you to death if you don't.

Yes, you can do an extra shift every couple of weeks. However, padding their bottom line by working as many as you do is going to burn you out in record time.

I know you want to be a good team player, but realize they're exploiting you. This is your life and your health and you're going to have to protect it because they're sure as hell not going to.

Now say it with me, "No. I mean NO. I mean HELL NO." Then concentrate on caring for yourself and your fur baby.

[njlib]

7. Yes, I really want to say HELL NO right now

I've only been there 3 months and they were nice enough to hire me out of school with no experience at the age of 43!! For the most part, they're very patient with me and I appreciate that. The morning supervisor said "Think of it this way, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. It's good experience, if nothing else" and that's true...but I really need a weekend or two consecutive days off!!!

[TorchTheWitch]

34. I totally agree with this

My mom was a nurse and learned this the hard way, too. She worked in a nursing home for about 8 months once and hated every minute because of this very thing... they work you to death if you let them. Then went to work in a nice hospital outside the city after that, but even though they did much the same thing she learned to say "no" and was very happy there for over 20 years. Most of that time she worked in PRN pool which she liked even better because she didn't feel like as much responsibility was heaped on her and could concentrate on bedside nursing that she loved and was so good at.

Nursing is already a very stressful and emotionally draining profession as it is without having so much unneeded added stress heaped on you by employers like this.

[livetohike]

3. I'm sorry you are going through this njlib

:hug: I can't help you with advice for your nursing job because I've never had one. You're going through a lot of stress and worry right now and perhaps it all seems magnified.

I have experience with a dog (my Misty) and liver trouble. Same issues as you are describing but they were able to tell that it was her liver via the ultrasound and her spleen looked fine. Misty also had Cushing's disease which was diagnosed at the same time as the enlarged liver. Misty lived for six months after the diagnosis and died at age 13.5 years.

Sending positive thoughts to you and Buster. I hope you receive some positive news and your boy will be back on the mend.

[njlib]

8. Thank you, livetohike

That's why I needed to post, I think. I needed to hear about experiences other people have had. The ultrasound confirmed today that it is indeed the liver. The vet said as long as he's still eating, drinking, and getting around on his own that there's no need to rush to put him to sleep. He also said there's a very good chance that he'll just go to sleep on his own. He hasn't thrown up in two days, so that's good. He's showing no signs of jaundice, which had gotten my hopes up, but I guess that's good for now. He was at the vet for most of the day and they must've given him an IV or maybe some meds because he actually got up to say hello to me when I got home from work a little while ago. He even wagged his tail!! I think the worst part has been that he hasn't wanted to snuggle for the past few days. I've had him since he was 8 weeks old and for 12+ years I can't be on the couch or in bed without him being next to me or on me! Saturday night was the first night he wouldn't snuggle with me, even after I kept asking him to. He'd just look at me and put his head back down. Maybe, since he seems to be a little more energetic, we can snuggle now.

[livetohike]

11. njlib, I'm sorry for this diagnosis. However, no one can know

how much quality time you will have. Misty ate and drank up to her last day. So we had six months from her diagnosis. Crying with you, as I know how deeply this hurts. Please keep posting, but most of all, enjoy the time you have together. Buster knows how much you love him and he will have his good days :hug:.

[badgerpup]

4. For your own sake and that of your furbabies...

Respect yourself and put your foot down about double shifts.

A nursing home is a hard, thankless place to work (yes, been there done that and could tell some tales) and if you let people push you into doing doubles that's what you'll be doing forevermore out of guilt and habit.

Put your foot down and decide HOW MANY of these shifts you can take honestly...with regard to yourself and still feel as though you are paying your dues.
This kind of schedule, your health is at risk, and most nursing homes have very little in the way of health insurance for their staff...at least, while I was doing it.

I hear you about paying your dues, truly...but burning out/getting sick isn't the way to do it.

:hug: for you and Buster and Cinnamon...

[njlib]

9. Thank you, badgerpup

Yes, I'm going to have to start saying NO. My sleep gets screwed up for a good week or so after working a double. After two Sunday doubles in a row and now being up all night crying, I'm exhausted and look more like shit than I usually do!! I even resorted to putting Preparation H on my eyes to try to bring down the swelling!! What I'd really like more than anything right now is to just have two consecutive days off!! I got last Monday off after working the double only because I asked the supervisor to find someone to come in at 3 that same day for me. Tuesday was my regular day off, but it really wasn't "off" time because I got home from the double at 9:15 Monday morning and slept til 3 pm. Since it's vacation time, I'm covering for the vacationers and that's why I haven't had two consecutive days to myself. I REALLY NEED IT, ESPECIALLY NOW....

[MadMaddie]

5. I am sorry njlib

[njlib]

10. Thank you, MadMaddie

This is absolutely the worst part of having pets, but I just can't imagine ever living without them. Once Buster is gone, Cinnamon will have the cats for company, but it's not the same. It's practically impossible to get him out of the house and leave her behind because she goes berserk!! When I've taken him to the vet before and left her home, my son said she sits at the top of the stairs whining, crying, and barking the entire time we're gone. It must've been hard as hell for her today since I left with him at about 12:15 and my son didn't get him home until about 8 pm.

Well, it's time for me to get to bed and try to sleep. Haven't gotten more than 3 or 4 hours a night since Saturday and it's really taking its toll on me.

I can't thank all of you enough for your support and good wishes!

[BrklynLiberal]

12. I am so very sorry you are havng to deal with this.

Two months ago I had to give up my baby boy Boen..12 1/2 years old.
He was my shadow...never could take a step without him being right there..
It seemed so sudden. He could not stand for any length of Time. Rushed him to the Animal Medical Center.
It never ever crossed my mind that I would never be bringing him home again.

They did ultrasound...internal bleeding..hemangiosarcoma...and chest xray..lungs filled with cancer.

They told me that they could not guarantee more than a couple of days..maybe not even hours.

I sat on the floor with him for 6 hours before being able to accept the finality. I did not want to let him go. He wanted me to take him home..

I cried for hours...for days...and am still crying.

I totally understand what you are going thru.
I hope your story has a happier ending. Sending positive energy and white light your way.
:pals:
Please keep us posted.


Boen..my baby boy

[njlib]

14. Thank you, BrklynLiberal

I read your posts about Boen and cried along with you, knowing how you felt from my past experiences and that I'd be going through it again soon with my two. Buster's my baby boy and my shadow, too. When I first got him at 8 weeks, he used to sit on my feet anytime I spent too much time standing still! I guess that was his way of keeping me from abandoning him and every so often over the years, he'll still do it. Just when I think I've accepted reality and will be able to make that trip to the vet, I break down and can't bring myself to do it.

He's been on a raw diet since Thursday and has been able to keep everything down. I'm hoping that will at least make him feel a little better, have a little more energy. He gets up to greet me when I come home now, which he hadn't been doing for about a week before we went to the vet, and Sunday he actually rolled around on the couch after he came in from outside. He hasn't done that in a few weeks. He's still eating, drinking and getting around, so the vet said there's no need to put him to sleep yet....

He's lounging on the couch right now, looking at me, like he I'm typing about him! He's SUCH a good boy and even though I'll still have a house full of critters, it just won't be the same without him.

[glinda]

13. This is so very sad. We just went through this also with our Lucy.

I think the only thing that had helped was that we knew we gave her a full life and that it was a good life. We miss her all the time. That will not go away. But at least in your case, you know it is C. In ours, it was under the ribcage and they suspected it with her enlarged liver but it was all over her insides. She went at home but I wished that I had taken her in so she did not have to suffer so much. Your Buster will always love you. And you will always love him. I am so very deeply sorry because like some here, it is really hard.
Do not work so much and explain you need to be with him as much as you can before he goes. We too had Lucy since we found her in 36 below weather when she was nine months old. I know...... and I am really sad for you.

[njlib]

15. Thank you, glinda

I keep telling myself the same thing, that I took him in and have baby'd him his entire life....right down to baby TALK, which I never did with my son! When I worked behind a desk, I had HIS picture on my desk and everyone wanted to know why I had a picture of my dog and not my son. I've always thought that since he's a pit, he was probably abandoned for being the runt of the litter and whoever left him behind lost out on so much...he's been a total mush and snuggle puppy since day one. I was asking him today if he remembered being a little baby, how his ears were so big and floppy...he had to grow into his ears and feet. I'll never forget the first time I saw him. I got home from work and here he came bounding through the living room, all ears and feet!! When he was little, he'd pick up the water bowl and carry it through the house, spilling the water all over and then looking at it like "Hey, it's empty! How'd THAT happen??"!! Never had a dog who loved belly rubs like he does....

As for work, one of the CNA's was laughing at me the other night for crying "over a dog". She must've said it 10 times, just wouldn't let up, until my supervisor stepped in and said "That's her baby". I could feel my face giving her my death look and she finally shut up and went about her business. Not understanding what it's like to go through this is one thing, but I have absolutely no patience for people who feel the need to mock and belittle those of us who do.

[Zoigal]

16. Let's hope it isn't bad news from the test results,Njlib.

Yet, i know how you feel. Just had my twelve year old borzoi, Belle, put down yesterday. She had bladder cancer and there was little that could be done. Had her since she was twelve weeks. We, too, had a special bond. She always seemed to know how i was feeling. Hoping for the best...z

[njlib]

17. Thank you, Zoigal

Buster crossed the bridge yesterday, too. It was liver cancer. He stopped eating Thursday and couldn't really walk on Friday. The appointment was yesterday morning at 11:40...woke up yesterday and he was on the kitchen floor, in a puddle of diarrhea. Cleaned him up, said my good-byes, and my son took him for his last ride. We both had to work yesterday...longest day of my life. I got through my shift without breaking down, but let it all out as soon as I was out the door.

I still slept all curled up on my 6 inches of the bed last night and Cinnamon & the cats have been VERY quiet. No meowing for breakfast, Cinnamon's on her best behavior...it's like everyone knows. Of course, my hysterical crying could be freaking them out, too.

My son will pick him up from the vet's tomorrow and take him to be cremated because I'll be working again, surprise, surprise. I have so much laundry & cleaning to do today, but all I want to do is cry and sleep. This has been the worst couple of weeks of my life. I know it's what needed to be done for him...I should've done it Thursday...but it's still so incredibly hard to deal with. I miss him so much...my baby boy.

[glinda]

18. Terrible news. So sad. I was thinking though that what has amazed me is how fast

your Buster left you. It may sound odd but it was fast and fast is better than real slow. Our Lucy was real slow. Of course it is ridiculous because nothing that can be said will really truly help with the pain but you are fortunate in that it was quick and also for Buster's sake. Your email made me tear up because of us going through it recently. Brought back memories.

[njlib]

20. Thank you, glinda

and I'm sorry to have brought back your pain. I read every post in the pets group and the ones from people who've lost their best friends have always had me in tears, too...because I knew eventually I'd be in the same situation.

Yes, it was fast and I'm kicking myself for not taking him Thursday when he wouldn't eat. That would've been two less days of suffering for him. He never whined or cried, he was a very brave boy. My son said he was very good while they were at the vet. He stayed with him the whole time and will pick up his body tomorrow and bring him to be cremated. I got home from work last night and there was a bouquet of carnations in a vase on the counter, with a card that said "Thought you'd like something nice to come home to. I made it myself". My son covers for the floral lady at his job when she's off...he's a good kid.

I've been crying all day and broke down while we were eating supper. I picked up Chinese, as a thank you to my son for being so good with everything. We only eat at the table every so often because we're never home together. Whenever we'd eat at the table, both dogs would be with us, watching and waiting for something to fall on the floor. Well, tonight Buster wasn't there and I just couldn't handle it.

[spooky3]

19. I am so sorry, njlib.

I am sure he realized how very much you loved him, and he loved you as well. You gave him the best life he could have, and it was a good long life, even though it wasn't as long as you and he deserved for him to have. You did the right thing, and if there is a Rainbow Bridge, you will be together again someday.

[njlib]

21. Thank you, spooky3

That's what I was telling him when I said good-bye. I told him he'd be feeling better soon and that he'd have Whiskey, Wiggles & Squiggles, Dakota, Roo, and an assortment of rabbits, guinea pigs, and hamsters to keep him company until I was there.

I miss him so much already...it's just not the same without him.

[livetohike]

22. I'm so sorry njlib

My heart goes out to you and your son, Cinnamon and the cats :hug:. I'm so sorry you didn't have more time with Buster. You did everything you could do....may all the good memories you have of Buster's life help you to smile and ease the pain of his loss.

[njlib]

24. Thank you, livetohike

I was driving home from work just now, thinking about how he loved to get his belly rubbed. He was always quick to roll over and give you the "OK, rub my belly now...please, please, please rub my belly"! Even though I still have all the others, there's a HUGE void...it's just not the same coming home to a house with no Buster.

[BrklynLiberal]

26. I just saw this...There are no words..only tears.

I am so very,very sorry that you have lost Buster.

:hug: :pals:

Time and tears...and eventually sweet memories.....

[njlib]

27. Thank you, BrklynLiberal

I'm really having a tough time with it...still can't stop crying. I've been on Petfinder.com, filled out an application and was approved by a rescue group, went to their "Puptoberfest" last Saturday and ended up leaving because I broke down and couldn't regain my composure. This is so much worse than I thought it would be...

Some people are telling me I'm not ready, while others are pushing me to find someone new. I just don't know what to do and am getting more depressed with each passing day.

[BrklynLiberal]

28. I totally understand. It has only been 2+ months. Do not let anyone push you into anything until

you are ready.

It has been 4 months since I lost Boen, and I was JUST led to a rescue GSD that literally fell into my lap. I was not even sure that I would take her, even after I saw her. Over a couple of weeks of visiting her, I decided that I could handle it. She is not Boen and never will be..but she is sweet and needs lots of love. She was found in a park, weighing only 42 pounds..she should have weighed about 60.

She has not replaced Boen..in any way shape or form..but she has filled some of the time and some of the emptiness in my heart. I still cry over Boen...almost every night..It had been EVERY night. There are moments that Lucy even makes me laugh...

Boen will always be my baby boy..my one and only heartdog....
By doing something for Lucy..giving her food, shelter and love, I think I am starting to heal a bit...

BUT do not even begin the journey until you are ready. The right pup will find you..it always happens that way :D

It has always been that way with me. I never went looking...even with Lucy..a friend of a friend of a friend....led me to her.

I also looked on sites, and friends sent me pictures and stories. Nothing got to me...i guess I was not ready.

When you are ready..the right pup will be there for you.

I know that the only things that seem to help are time and tears...lots of both.
Take the time to heal and mourn...allow yourself the tears.

If you need permission to wait and to heal....I am giving it to you.

:hug: :loveya: :pals:

[njlib]

31. Thanks....and congratulations on your new best friend!

I thought I might've had one myself a few weeks ago. My son's friend has to get rid of her dog..he's 8 months old and was just a little too rambunctious during a meet & greet with Cinnamon. She started out OK by putting up with his jumping & nipping, but then decided enough was enough and started to snap at him. Petfinder.com completely overwhelms me because I can't decide....there's so many dogs out there that need a home!! Plus, reading some of the bios really pisses me off....people can be such shits!! It's all just too much.

Why can't dogs be like cats and just show up on your doorstep? That's how I got all 5 of my cats...strays that just showed up one day.

[BrklynLiberal]

33. Hang in there..the right one WILL find you.

[emilyg]

29. I am so very sorry.

[njlib]

30. Thank you, emilyg

I miss him SOOOOOOO MUCH!! Nothing is the same without him. The first small bag of dog food I bought made me cry. The first pizza we had without him (walking into my house with a pizza box always made you the most popular person in the world because they knew they'd be getting the crust) made me cry. The first loaf of Italian bread I brought home made me cry because each dog gets a crusty end of the bread...all these stupid little things just make me a total wreck.

[Stinky The Clown]

23. njlib, I am so very sorry for your loss. So very, very sorry.

To the extent an internet "family" can be comforting, this is the spot. Everyone here is right with you. Some of us have been there, and all of us will be there again.

Our pets are such wonderful gifts. They give us everything and ask for nothing in return.

The only pity is that we outlive them. Were it the other way around, we would be fortunate to have even a sliver of the dignity they do.

Take good care of yourself. You know its what Buster would want for you.

[njlib]

25. Thank you, Stinky

Yes, when I'm sick of reading the "ugly" side of DU, I always see what's going on in the Pets Group. Everyone really does feel like an internet family and this is one of the few places here where EVERYONE is supportive and in agreement. Like I said upthread, I read all the posts, even the ones I know will make me cry, because we really are all in the same boat at one time or another.

I just told someone at work tonight that I'm an "animal" person, NOT a people person, and she started laughing. She said "I've never heard anyone describe themselves as an animal person before". Now, I don't see why that was so funny. Anyone who watches the news, reads the papers, or catches bits of news on the radio has to know that people suck. I told her "Look, animals don't stab you in the back, don't do things to intentionally hurt you or fuck with your head. They're not selfish, greedy, spiteful, or two-faced. People do horrible things to each other...animals don't". Guess that gave her something to think about because she shut up and then said "Yeah, I guess you're right".

I just can't get used to not having him around. It's very lonely without him...he really was my baby. He even liked to be held like a baby, which wasn't a problem when he was a puppy, but at 89 lbs., it got a little hard to do! I'd sit on the couch, he'd climb in my lap, then roll over while I cradled his head and rubbed his belly. When he'd dream, he'd "moof" like a chihuahua...this big, burly pit bull, twitching enough to shake the entire bed, and making these little squeaky barky sounds...wish I would've gotten it on video. I told him when I was saying good-bye that I wished I could make him a puppy again.

I just want to say to everyone how much I appreciate your support and understanding. We really ARE all in this together and it helps so much to know that there are so many people out there who understand the intense grief and sense of loss that I'm experiencing. THANK YOU!!

[hamsterjill]

35. Warm hug!

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I always describe myself as an animal person! My pets do something that no human in my lifetime has ever been able to do. What is that, you might ask? The pets never disappoint!

And I agree with your comment regarding coming to the DU Pet Group when the rest of the board is snarling at one another!

Also, ditto to the comments about waiting until you are ready to adopt another pet. You will know when the time is right, and when the right pet comes along. I always want to "hurry" people because the good homes are so few, and I'm alway anxious to get another one into one of those good homes and out of a shelter, etc. But each individual must go forward at that individual's pace. When you are ready, you will know, and you will no doubt give another fur-baby a wonderful, loving home!

[njlib]

37. Thank you, hamsterjill

and you are absolutely right...they NEVER disappoint! Every night when I get into bed, I cry because he's not there and I'm still sleeping on my little edge. When he'd be sprawled out and I'd tap him on the shoulder and say "Buster, come on...move over" he'd pretend he didn't hear me! He'd purposely divert his eyes in the opposite direction, probably figuring that if he ignored me, I'd leave him alone and he could have the bed to himself. Actually, he was smarter than I used to give him credit for because if he really seemed comfortable, I WOULD give up and just go sleep on the couch if I couldn't squeeze myself in on the bed with him and Cinnamon! Now that it's getting chilly at night, he'd be looking to get under the covers with me and sleep right up against me. He loved to be tucked in, or "snuggly buggly wuggly" as it's referred to in my house. Cinnamon's still missing him too, I think.

I'm still totally overwhelmed looking on Petfinder. There are SO MANY dogs that need homes and I just wish I could take them all. I want to go pull someone from death row NOW, but seeing those faces, leaving them behind, would kill me and I just don't have room for 20 dogs! I've been noticing a few rescues are pulling dogs from kill shelters down south and transporting them up north to NJ. I really don't know how people can handle doing rescue work. They're absolute saints for doing it, but it's gotta be the hardest thing in the world to do.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

39. Rescue work can be heartbreaking

I do specific breed rescue (www.asian-dog-rescue.org) so I can put blinders on when I go into a shelter, which thankfully is not that often. I can feel that I am only responsible for a finite part of the homeless dog population. We've built up a reputation and they call us when they have one that needs to go to rescue so I don't have to go searching for them.

I have done a lot of transporting for other breed rescues over the years and a few shelter pulls for them. But again, I am there for one specific dog so I can have tunnel vision.

I adopted the last one I pulled from the shelter to "temporarily" foster. He's been with me for 2 years and still has trust issues with other people.

[njlib]

40. Went to your site

and I'll take Oscar, Boo Boo Bear, Cesar, Petey and Lovey! :)

Thank you so much for what you do! I wish I had it in me, wish I had the strength to be able to help in that way. I've even thought of volunteering at a shelter, but for me it would be the same thing...having to leave each day, leave those little faces behind...I just couldn't do it.

[get the red out]

36. Bless you, I'm ready to cry

I can't take all the hate in this country right now myself and am so glad we got a dog this summer. I had shut out that huge part of me that really is more an "animal person" than a people person. It is so good to have a beautiful, genuine being that is a pet to love and give love back. I am so sad for your loss. I am sure when you are ready you will give another loving being a wonderful home.

[njlib]

38. Thanks, get the red out

No matter what's going on in the world, a wagging tail and smoochy wet kisses always makes things seem better. A friend of mine has always had cats, but just got her first dog, a beagle who's about 4 years old, a few weeks ago and is hooked! She's such a good mommy, her dog even has her own "Yankee gear" that she wears when they're watching a game!

The being "ready" part is what's driving me crazy now. How will I know? What if there's someone out there NOW who'd be perfect for me? I'm just very overwhelmed and depressed....

[get the red out]

41. Two close friends going through the same

I have two good friends that have lost elderly dogs this past year, both are struggling with the knowing when it is time. Both are looking when they feel drawn to, feeling like they will know the right dog for them when they find him/her. One friend visits the shelter and the shelter extension at Pet Smart regularly and is absolutely certain he will know his next dog when he meets them.

[njlib]

42. That's what I wish I could do

I attended one adoption event and had to leave because I couldn't stop crying. Surfing Petfinder.com is torture. I've even resorted to checking the classifieds in the local paper for people looking to rehome a dog, but all that's ever advertised are puppies for sale. There's no way I'm going to enable backyard breeding, especially when Petfinder has THOUSANDS of dogs who need homes within 100 miles of my zip code!! Have I mentioned yet how much I hate people?

I really hate feeling this way, not being able to control my emotions, feeling like I'm never going to feel better, missing him so much more than I thought I would. My rational side says nothing lasts forever and he was so sick...but my emotional side is a total wreck. Shit...I'm crying now...I just can't take it anymore.

[haele]

43. I went through that with both my old boys when they passed. Couldn't see a black

or grey cat without feeling like breaking down and crying for months.
It got easier, but sometimes I still tear up when I'm sitting in the backyard in the sun, and glance over to the corner they're buried. They both loved to hang out in that corner of the yard on their leashes.

It's okay to miss them and cry. Especially if they've been a part of your life for a long time.

Haele

[roody]

32. Condolences.