I have a very unhappy kitty :-(

[Lisa0825]

Starting from the beginning...

About 4 years ago, Michelle had 4 kittens in my closet. I had rescued her just about a week before she delivered. 2 of the kittens (1 calico and 1 b&w) were very outgoing, adventurous, and affectionate. The other 2, (also 1 calico and one b&w) were terribly shy, scared of everything, and wanted nothing to do with me or any other cat except mom. 2 got adopted, one of the rambunctious ones and one of the shy ones (both the calicos).

Fabi, the shy one I still have, was doing pretty well as long as mom was nearby. She followed her everywhere, and as long as mom came up to me, she would too, and if mom let me pet her, she would too. Still, she was the only one who wouldn't ever jump up on my bed, and I only occasionally saw her step into my room.

Some of you may remember that I posted several months ago that Michelle got out and after 2 weeks roaming, I found her dead in the road, apparently on her way home. I was heartbroken... but Fabi even more so. :cry:

Fabi has gotten so much worse since mom is gone. The other kitties (males) always picked on her, but not as much when mom was around. Now they pick on her more, and she doesn't fight back, so she just hides most of the time. She has taken to curling up in the corner of a shelf in the laundry room and I almost never see her come out. I guess she comes out to eat when the other kitties aren't around. When I bring her treats and talk to her and try to pet her in her hiding space, she just looks so terrified. It makes me very sad. I took responsibility for her mom and her siblings when I brought mom in. I don't care if she ever snuggles with me. She will always have a home with me. But I just can't bear to see how unhappy she seems. It just breaks my heart.

So I decided that maybe she'd be happier if she had her own room. I cleaned out the spare room that was full of boxes of old stuff, and brought in a cat bed, put a soft blanket on the twin bed by the window, and the necessities of food, water, and litter. I had to ambush her with a sheet to get her into the room.

She howled on and off all night. She's still not happy... not happy being bullied; not happy being alone.

I am going to try that pheromone stuff... feliway, I think?

I know I need to give it more time, as I just put her in there last night. Any other advice?

I just hate that she seems so unhappy. I wish I could give her contentment.

[Contrary1]

1. I rescued a litter of four kitties several years ago...

They all have very distinct personalities. Of the three males, only B.T. wants much to do with me. He loves to be stroked and talked to, a true lap kitty.

His brother (Elvis Purrsley), seems to be the boss of the bunch. I get to pet him maybe once or twice a week. Stays to himself most of the time, but hangs out in the open.

Male #3 (Noogie), is afraid of his own shadow. Hides wherever. Hates noise of any kind. If there is a storm, I don't see him for hours. He wants attention every night when I go to bed, but only for about five minutes, then he's done.

The only female (Baby), weighs in at less than five pounds. Very sweet and loves attention. She will put her head on my shoulder and stare at me like a lovestruck teenager. If I am not quick enough to respond, I get a gentle paw to my face. "Talk to me, already". Baby gets picked on a lot, but holds her own; until she finds an opportunity to retreat.

Wow, I am rambling on a bit here. My point is this: Multiple cats in a household will develop a hierarchy. It's natural. Twelve years ago, when I brought the litter in, I knew that Elvis was the boss, so to speak.

My suggestion would be this. Don't shut Fabi up by herself. She probably misses her siblings, even though she gets picked on so much.

If possible, I would feed her separately, and make over her while she's eating. Make it a special time. She may not be so willing at first, but if you are patient, she will come around. I feed my kitties three times a day, rather than leaving food out and available. That may be different than what you are doing.

Even if she is hiding out, make some time to be with her. Just a few minutes is fine. Pet her if she allows. Don't try to drag her away, just talk to her. I've actually laid on my bedroom floor to talk with Noogie, whose favorite spot is under my bed. It seems to help.

The lesson I have learned over the years is that cats will do what they want. Don't beat yourself up about it. Let Fabi do what she wants. I think she will be happier.

[Lisa0825]

3. I leave kibble out all day, but give a small amount of canned food

in the morning and evening as a treat. I have been bringing her the canned food in her hidey space for at least a couple weeks now. She won't tolerate more than a quick scratch behind the ears. If I try more, she will run away, so I can't fuss much on her :-( I have been sitting in her room the last 2 nights for about an hour, talking to her while she hides under the bed. I brought her sibling Shirley in, the only one who doesn't bully her. I have 7 total, so she basically has a mob picking on her.

I just can't imagine she could be happy out there, as scared as she always looked.

[japple]

2. Have you tried getting her a companion? Do you ever foster

homeless cats? Can you bring home one from Whiskerville--maybe one that looks kind of like her mother? I don't know what combination might work here, but maybe a kitten?

Sorry your kitty is still so shy. I've had ones that were shy at first, but eventually came out of their hiding places around family members. If strangers came in, they would go under the beds, but they were happy and sociable with fur and human family. Good luck in your efforts to get this little one to come out of her shell.

[Lisa0825]

4. I am a failed foster.... I started fostering and ended up with 7 cats. LOL

But serioulsy, I am not allowing myself to take in any more. The only one she gets along well with is her sister Shirley, so I bring her in with me when I sit in her room, but Shirley doesn't want to be locked up with her, so I don't want to leave her in there when I leave, or I'll hear Shirley mewoing and scratching at the door.

Fabi is about 4 years old, and I have had her here since she was born, so her shyness is not something I expect her to grow out of. I just wish the other cats didn't decide she'd be their bully victim.

[Curmudgeoness]

5. I would let her go where she wants to go. Don't shut her up,

even if it seems like the best thing. She will find a place where she feels safe, wherever that is. I know it must be heartbreaking to see bullying, but I think she will be happier if she is free to find her own place.

It doesn't sound like she will ever be more friendly if it has been 4 years, but the isolation will probably make it even worse. All you can do is keep talking to her, and a little scratch on the ear now and again. She is still much better off having a safe home.

[Lisa0825]

8. I was really torn about what to do, so I sent a PM to our local DU vet

and asked advice. I think I will be letting her out tonight, and I am picking up Feliway spray after work. I ordered 3 diffusers. They were half as much online, or I would just pick them up today too.

[hamsterjill]

9. Feliway

I've used Feliway and you're absolutely correct in picking up several diffusers. The trick is to get the pheromones "thick" enough for them to do any good. The Feliway packages indicate one to two diffusers for a small house. I found having that few did no good. Increasing the number of diffusers seemed to help.

I wish you the very best of luck, and I thank you kindly for caring enough about this little, forlorn baby, to be making the efforts that you are.

[emilyg]

6. Spray the males with water when they

pester her.

[Lisa0825]

7. I have tried, but I live in a 3 bedroom house with 2 living rooms....

and it seems they always get her before I can even get up, grab the bottle and run down there to see who it was. When I catch the culprit, I do squirt them.

[liberalla]

10. I wonder if putting bells on the boys would help?

They couldn't surprise her.

[Lisa0825]

11. Half of them used to wear collars, but with so many,

that ends up making a lot of noise at all hours of the night. The other half hated collars and went nuts trying to get out of them.