For all you single ASAH'ers

[moonbeam23]

Poll question: For all you single ASAH'ers

both male and female...it seems like there is lots of anguish over the lack or loss of partnership going on right now...have any of you ever tried internet dating sites? It can be especially a blessing for us freaky people who live in isolated rural towns where the dating pool is so totally limited...i realized a long time ago that my phone wasn't going to ring and someone says "Hey Moonbeam, i've got this great man for you right here" and that you can't possibly meet anybody sitting alone at home like i was doing...

My husband and i met on http://www.veggiedate.org/ in 2001, a truly fantastic site where i met several interesting people and had nice meet ups as well as a year long relationship...i had several strict, unbreakable rules...only meeting in public, not leting anyone know my address, always calling the man first and not giving out my number, and when they came into town, always always making them get a motel room and not going there...(i would think if someone did not want to play by those rules, you wouldn't want to meet them anyway lol)

There are senior sites, democratic/liberal sites, spiritual sites etc...and lots of nice people in the same position you are...there is no shame in using them...in the old days we had classified ads and pen pals in WW2...this is just the modern version...i have met several couples lately who met on the internet and it seems to becoming more acceptable (at first my family was horrified, but they got over it)

i went into it with the attitude that the worst that could happen is that i would meet new friends, and you can never have too many friends, and the Universe ended up returning to me everything that had been taken away and better...i got a wonderful new relationship and a whole new life and i thank God every day...i'm so glad i made effort and took the chance:bounce:

[Flying Dream Blues]

1. I met my wonderful husband via the internet. I advise caution

as moonbeam says, but I really never met anyone who wasn't nice, so even if there wasn't a connection for us I made some nice contacts and had some nice social lunches and evenings. I also advise you to go ahead and meet someone for coffee or lunch right away if you like them rather than form a penpal relationship because it can be awkward if the sparks just aren't there after forming a friendship via correspondence.

It may not be right for everyone, but if you're thinking about trying it I hope you will.

[Kookaburra]

2. No shame in using them, but be wary

use caution. I have 2 friends who have both used internet dating sites and both have been burned badly more than once. Made me feel like it might be better to just stay single.

[OneGrassRoot]

3. lol

I hear you about the "might be better to stay single" thing.

I met my fiance online. In fact, most people I've met in the last 10 years have been initially through online connections and then met in real life. Dating, friendship, business, whatever.

I don't find it any more challenging or dangerous or potentially negative than meeting anywhere else. People can lie at a picnic or in a bar as well as they can online. In fact, being a research nut, once I have the person's real name -- verified in some way, such as caller ID -- I can then research them a bit before meeting them in real life.

I therefore feel even more in control and safer, and for this reason find meeting someone online more reliable.

Plus, I find if I interact with someone a bit online first, I get a "feel" for them.

All in all, I must say, I'm a huge fan of online dating sites or simply meeting people online first, regardless of the relationship.

:)

[Dover]

4. A good idea. Another way to meet whole groups of people with similar interests

is the Meetup.com site. Not so much a 'dating' venue as a way to make friends and get involved in things that you enjoy or want to learn more about. Not a bad way to find someone you're compatible with either,
but it's also great for non-single folks looking to broaden their social network.
I think married people can get 'lonely' too or become too reliant on their partner to share all their interests which adds undo stress.

I've met sustainable green-minded folks and gardening enthusiasts this way.

Not sure if it serves rural towns that well, though you can certainly start a group for your area and see who answers. It seems like most of the locations are major metropolitan towns/cities. Not a problem if you live near one. Or if you're rural, enterprising AND computer savvy, perhaps you can figure out how to create some similar venue for your area. Or join a local non-profit, take art classes, master gardener classes (thru extension), join a gym or club, etc. Beats bars and church if neither of those is your style or serves up the right spirits...lol.

http://wwww.meetup.com

[FirstLight]

19. Haven't played at meetup in a long time!

thanks for the "ding!"

I plan on doing a profile and linking it to some FB friends too...

One of my clients is a spititual retreat coordinator, she needs to be on there too...

:rofl yet ANOTHER porject to do!!!

thanks for the link ;) :P

[hermetic]

5. Welllll,

I met Mr. Abuse here on DU. So, be careful with that. :(

I belong to http://www.democraticsingles.com/ and have met some very nice people there, just friends. You gotta pay as you go, though.

I have considered this one: http://www.concernedsingles.com/faq.php?id=197
'Spensive, though.

I like the looks of this one: http://www.greensingles.com/

And just for fun, there's the London Review of Books site and their personal ads where you will find such gems as this:

Summarily ejected from the NLP course entitled ‘How to Build a Better Girlfriend’, thanks to turning up with the Ikea catalogue, allen keys, amyl nitrate, a blowtorch, a blow-up doll, a picture of the Queen Mummy and a gallon of vodka, I find myself standing here with singed eyebrows and my face covered with bits of latex, the fact I am unable to sit perhaps connected with the disappearance of those damn allen keys. Or maybe the blowtorch. Will you be my girlfriend? Drunk, drugged and deluded M, 38, covered in fragments of burnt latex with allen keys stuck up his arse. Or perhaps its a blowtorch.

:rofl:

http://www.lrb.co.uk/classified

[Kind of Blue]

6. Yes indeed, FDB, OGR & Dover. Long story. If it weren't for

the Internet I would have not met my husband. Back in the late '90s with the advent of AOL, one of my younger sisters fell in love with the web and was pursuing her interests in chatrooms. One of them was an ancient Egyptian studies room where members had outrageous and funny arguments she'd tell us about. One of her many allies was my future husband. The group got so deep - with the room owner a real devotee and practitioner - they started forming Meet-ups for members in different cities to study and get to know each other.

I thought it was ridiculous, always telling her you need to go out and meet "real" people, they could be criminals, serial killers and/or rapists, stop this craziness, blah. blah. blah. As a matter of fact, I told her to stop telling me about her "Internet people." They just seemed so unreal and the situation dangerous.

Well, when my other sister and I moved to San Diego. It was rough: no job, no contacts, no friends, living off our savings, and because of the border issues, employers weren't eager to hire people with foreign-sounding names without local references. We were lying to family about everything being Okay - my chatroom sister didn't buy it for a minute. So she calls her California friend and asked him to checkup on us, because we were still living in the hotel 2 months following the move.

I was livid when he called our room but kept myself in check. I could hear the nervousness in his voice introducing himself and how he got our number. I couldn't believe she would send one of those Internet people our way. So I put him on hold, called her to ask if she knew this guy and to give her an earful about the peril we were facing that was all her fault :rofl: But she just said let him help you.

So I calmed down and he explained how he'd been looking for us at every Travelodge in the south county. Were we okay, did we have enough to eat, how were we getting around and looking for work using the lousy transit system, and gee, "You girls are so brave." So I accepted when he offered to take us to dinner that night and show us around town. But I made him check-in at the front desk with his driver's license and car tags - he didn't mind. The hotel's employees - from the owner (who has since passed away :cry:) and his family, the handymen and housekeeping - had long since become our friends and were ready to protect us.

I had been having a series of dreams about a man and I in all kinds of romantic scenarios, well before the move and when we got here. I started sketching dream man because the dreams were so frequent and I wrote them down. So when I opened the door and there he was, I.Couldn't.Believe.My.Eyes and heard an incredible popping sound. We just stood there staring at each other until my sister said, "You're being rude. Let him in." She took one look at him and her jaw dropped because she'd seen all of the sketches. He was like, "What? What?" checking his body. "Do I have a booger on my nose or something?"

One by one, all of the dream imagery came to pass and the 3 of us became the best of friends. BTW, he finally met chatroom sister a few years later :)

I say go for it, especially with Meet-ups - I joined a gnostic group here, and, of course, follow your instincts and do your homework.

Sometimes when I doubt the connection to the Infinite, I go to my dream journals to restore my faith in All That Is and the wonder of it all, including the Internet :rofl:

[OneGrassRoot]

7. THAT is a friggin cool story!

Niiiiiiiice. :)

:applause:

:hug:

[Kind of Blue]

8. Thanks, OneGrassRoot!

[OneGrassRoot]

9. copying

'cause they're so cute!!!!!

[Dover]

10. Yowza! Now THAT'S a meet up!

A wonderful story that I'll bet will go a long way toward encouraging some New Years resolutions!

Thanks for sharing :hug:

[Kind of Blue]

12. You're welcome, Dover!

:hug: back atcha.

[MorningGlow]

11. Coooooooolll!

WOW that was amazing, KoB! :wow:

[Kind of Blue]

13. Thank you for enjoying it, MG!

My sister never let's me live my castigation down, especially now that I spent so much time online with "those Internet people" :rofl:

[Celebration]

20. Hahahaha!!

WOW!!

:thumbsup:

[I Have A Dream]

14. I absolutely LOVE this story!

The Universe is so amazing! :cry:

[Kind of Blue]

15. It is IHAD. Maybe that's why I wanted to share

so much this morning. Maybe we (I) take the power of Love and our connections to it for granted and needed a reminder that it is real and profound :hug:

[moonbeam23]

16. that is so beautiful

Sounds like something we would all love to happen to us lol...so happy for your good fortune!!:toast:

[Kind of Blue]

17. Here's to the adventure and not giving up.

:fistbump: I'm very happy for your good fortune, as well, Moonbeam23.

[Digit]

21. That's got to be the most romantic feel good story I have ever heard

I love the way things worked out for you!
:loveya:

PS: I used to live in San Diego..first the college area and later Poway.

[Kind of Blue]

23. Thank you, Digit.

:hi: Knock on wood, no really bad earthquake - yet, and surprisingly gotten use to the occasional strong tremors and the unsettling few seconds of dead quiet/stillness just before one hits.

[FirstLight]

18. well, just as in real life...you can meet good & bad

I have had both...even dealt with a couple creepy guys I met while in a 'depression/bipolar' chatroom...
:rofl: now THERE's a good place to look for men!


My last relationship was through Match.com...which i had been skeptical of but occasionally I would go on and "wink" ...but nothing ever came of it.
When I heard back from Todd after a casual wink...his initial reply was so witty and used such humble words I could totally get a feel for him. Then we chatted for about 3 weeks before we couldn;t wait to meet up. when we got to know eachother i was amazed that there were men right here under my nose, in my town, and they are intelligent and have good jobs and we have so much journalism and other contacts in common, we were surprised we hadn;t run into eachother before...
so there are more ike him, i am sure.
Todd and I are still working on the 'friendship' contract...but he joined my meditation class/group and that is even cooler...becasue we still get to have a small connection even after breaki9ng up. so I am grateful for the internet for being there
you can find people in your area that you may havce 'missed' in real life - but your INTERESTS and IDEAS are what link you...and that is too cool!


and the awesome stories here and the awesome SISTERS & BROTHERS I have found herte at asah and blogging, facebook, etc...I am truly grateful for my "virtual family"
:grouphug:

:loveya:

I would be upset of the shift happened tomorrow and the internet was gone - because how would we all stay in contact? maybe we will have figured out how to be telepathic by then! :rofl:

[Delphinus]

22. I am happy

for anyone who is in a loving relationship, whether through an Internet dating site or some other way.

I, myself, have gone into the "post-love" era and am really quite content.

[Fire Walk With Me]

24. No way, no how!

I shall not be engaging in intimacy until "The world changes" enough. :shrug: