the plight of the empath

[northernlights]

First, I'm sorry everybody to have been so absent in recent weeks. I seem to have entered a cocoon-type state of being. I had a lot of writing I wanted to do between semesters -- from posting here to writing on herbs and some interesting updates on "corruption" at work in the financial industry. But every time I sat down to write...I just couldn't. I've read and read, but not been able to summon the focus to write.

But the cocoon state has been a huge relief (I think it's preparation time for whatever is coming) and regeneration time after last fall's majorly exhausting 18 hour days. When I get overtired, my personal "shields" breakdown, and I start unconsciously absorbing other's energy. Too tired to transmute it, too tired to deflect it, and eventually too tired to differentiate between "my" energy and "other's" energy, if there is such a thing.

And so, you may recall that after an unexpected financial blow shortly before Thanksgiving, I had a major meltdown and threatened the "universal powers that be" with what I'd do if the robbery went too far. The oddest thing about it was that although I've been financially on the brink over the past few months, I am nowhere near having my home taken from me. So the outburst left *me* confused...where did it come from?

And then yesterday in GD I read about a man in Spencer, Mass -- a village I nearly moved to 10 or so years ago -- who the other day did what I'd threatened would be my fallback position. He day his house was to be foreclosed, he shot his (dying) wife, set his garage and house on fire, and then shot himself. He literally did what I'd said I would do if it came down to it...he left the bank with a burned out hole in the ground and a corpse to collect from.

And the other thing that is odd to me is that his name is vaguely familiar, but I cannot place it. In any event, this for me defines what was going on back at that period before Thanksgiving...this is what so many people are being driven to right now. This is the energy I was picking up. And odd too that as I released everything and entered this sheltered, cocoon state, the energy that I was holding on to was fully expressed.


http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x7471613

[Cleita]

1. What a tragic story that people are left so bereft of hope that they

need to do something this drastic. I hope he and his wife are at peace now. I believe your burden of empathy for this couple will lift for you as well. Still this is so tragic I'm at a loss for words.

[MorningGlow]

2. Wow

Sorry that man was affected the way he was--such a tragedy--but glad you pinpointed the source of your behavior. I must admit I was very alarmed and concerned for you when you posted that--it didn't sound like you at all! But when people are pushed to the brink, who knows how they'll react, you know? So I just sent you some light and hoped "your" feelings would pass.

The same thing has happened to me many times, in a much milder sense, but I still remember the most violent feelings-that-weren't-mine. I think I posted this anecdote here before, but if you didn't see it--it was about a dozen years ago, I guess. My dad was in the hospital, recuperating from having his gallbladder out. I stopped in to visit him after work and I had a panic attack with a distinct urge to run. But it disappeared as soon as his other visitor, a coworker of his, left. It was then that my dad said it was brave of the man to visit him, as he had confessed beforehand that he had a phobia about hospitals. When the man was visiting my dad, he seemed calm and soft-spoken on the outside, but damn, he must have been a wreck under the surface.

Being an empath certainly comes with its own set of challenges, doesn't it?

Glad you're "better". :hug:

[northernlights]

3. I remember you writing that

and yes, that's what it feels like. Waves of feelings that often seemingly come out of nowhere. These days it happens to me most often in the morning while I'm mucking out the stalls. I guess fresh from sleep and still not into my own day, just muddling peacefully along ruminating leaves me more open. I'll occasionally get waves of intense, sometimes violent feelings. Jakey avoids me then, although Luna watches from a distance and looks puzzled. Almost inevitably, something will then pop up in the news "out there." This is the first time there was a very specific activity associated with it, and although it happened much later than normal (usually it's within 1 or 2 days) it seems likely that the feelings were building in this poor man for a long time. I hope the horse makes out ok.

Another recent, notable time it happened was a day or two before the military shooting.

This "cocoon" feels so strange in a way. Not only did I feel nothing before the quake, I'm not feeling the sort of reaction to it that I did to, say, Katrina. Something has let totally go recently...like I (along with a host of other people) was transmuting a lot of energy and now have suddenly let it go.

[MorningGlow]

4. A shield is an empath's best friend

but it's so easy to forget about it, especially when you're alone in a safe place like on your farm--it's too easy to forget that there's no such thing as distance when it comes to picking up energy.

I agree with you about the cocoon. As a SAHM, I'm in one of those as well. I did feel tense, stifled/suffocated, and just plain weird during Merc ret and in the time leading up to the eclipse and quake, but I didn't expect the quake, and I don't feel the same about it as I did about Katrina either (although that could be because New Orleans is near and dear to my heart). I feel compassion for the people of Haiti, but I'm not getting the emotional gut punch that I usually get. Perhaps that could be seen as a form of caring with detachment...?

[lildreamer316]

5. My husband had a similar thing happen

the other day at work.

He had gone in and felt just fine. Then he called me about an hour and a half into his shift..said he felt shaky and nervous; upset and paranoid.

Turns out a manager who is new and is generally regarded as a total a----- had come into his booth and had a conversation. Husband immediately felt his energy and it was very negative. I told him how to shield and ground, and he texted me about two hours later and said he had managed to get it together and clear it out.

I've bought him a small sage stick for the booth, however.


for First Light-
I've been lucky to be able to 'cocoon' here at the house pretty much whenever I want to; however I think I'm going to have to work on my shields; as there is another imminent return to work in my future (about two weeks).

I'm glad you've been able to figure out where some of the energy was coming from. Too often it seems that we figure it out months; if not even years later...yes? Can be enlightening but frustrating ('why didn't I get a clue right then; when I needed it?' you ask yourself!).

[japple]

9. Those little incense matches are great for clearing negative

energy. I've found them at the natural foods stores, also at new age bookstore. They're also great for clearing the air after my kitties use the litterbox!

[northernlights]

11. incense *matches* sound perfect

I had another near disaster with smudge the last time I smudged myself and the sunroom. One tiny ember was still smoldering at its tip, but no noticeable smoke coming out. I laid down and dozed off. I woke up when Jakey got up and left the room in disgust. I turned the lights on and the room was filled with smoke. The fat end of the smudge had managed to all re-ignite and the bundle was pouring huge amounts of smudge out. Yikes! I had to hold it under running water to douse it and the smell of smudge hung around for over a week.

A *lot* of negativity glomming onto me when I got home that night, I guess! :o

[BlueIris]

6. I recommend a good piece of flourite for shielding.

It is very protective, especially on a psychic level. I've also noticed that it stays clear a lot longer than other stones I've used. I have a piece in my car that still feels pretty charged even though it's been there 2+ years without being cleaned.

[MorningGlow]

7. I have a giant raw lump of fluorite in my bedroom

along with equally large lumps of rose quartz and malachite. (The best part of working at a science supply company for a few years was the geological specimens I could buy at cost.) I hardly ever have nightmares. :thumbsup:

[northernlights]

12. I don't think I have any fluorite hanging around

but do have rose quartz. Time to get it out, and see what other protective stones I have.

I seem to have misplaced my bear fetish...I had been wearing it daily for strength x(

So anybody who is good at finding things, please send me any tips that come up! :D

[BanzaiBonnie]

14. Fluorite is really good for clearing up negativity

or keeping it at bay. I also have a large piece of rose quartz in my bedroom.

[NJCher]

8. tuning in like a radio

I remember that. I wanted to comment but didn't because I just couldn't get the right "take" on what you said. I had this feeling someone else was talking, not you.

And now this: Wow.

When stuff like this happens, it's so hard to get a handle on it. A lot of times, like you, I didn't figure out what was going on until way after it happened.

I used to have a friend who was chronically depressed. For whatever reason, I started feeling her depression. This is so unlike me because if anything, I'm the opposite: chronically optimistic.

For a short time, in the mornings I would wake up with this horrible feeling of dread and shakiness. I would not want to get out of bed; instead, I wanted to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed. It was the strangest thing. I had no confidence in myself to handle anything. This only happened for about 40" of the day, and it happened in the morning. Then I would return to my usual self.

I told my depressed friend about it and she said, "Now you know what every day of my life is like."

That overwhelmed me and then I also realized that what I was doing was picking up on her feelings. Ugh. It was the worst thing. The experience made me very empathetic to what depressed people go through.

So I think what you were doing was picking up on his feelings and thoughts. Then you vocalized them here in your post. Now you've figured out the mystery.

Amazing.


Cher

[Callie McAllie]

10. I'm glad that wasn't really you

I remember being quite shocked at what you'd written. It was very desparate. I hope your situation doesn't really feel like that!

[NuttyFluffers]

13. i feel lately that Gaia has been vomiting negativity out of its system as a whole...

which would explain why i lately feel "charged" with frazzled energy and occasionally blasted with welling emotion which seems alien (but accorded to the times). i think a lot more people are exhibiting it everywhere, which would explain the short fuses, nasty behavior, and manic/panic/ecstatic mood swings of late. unfortunately, empaths get their unfair share from the environment from this.

however, i also feel that empaths are fortunate because they are like the mouth of the body purging itself of toxic emotions. they are the safety valve for the environment, as they can vomit out feelings faster than the poor unfortunate who is creating the "low pressure system," if you will. i've felt a strong desire to ground myself to earth and look up to the stars and open my mouth as a sort of vomiting conduit to purge all that nasty energy of the ages stuck in Gaia's blood soaked soil -- a strange compulsion, indeed.

maybe you need to do a purge and then shield yourself from others. that way you won't get overloaded by vomiting out more than your share of negativity being shed by mother earth.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

15. Now that you mention it, I Feel better in the country.

I was in the process of cleaning out my house in the city and moving to a little town to a house I inherited. This was complicated by the fact that I could not clean it out until Mom died, and she was a packrat that was unbelieveable. Took me six years to clean out the house and sell and give away stuff to make it livable. I still have 150 boxes of crud to go through!!

The people are further apart here. The town has 1400 people and they are spread out. I live on the main street (2 lane blacktop)and the nearest neighbor is about 80 feet to the north. The houses are fairly close together compared to other parts of town. It is not idyllic however, there are crackheads and convincted sex offenders and people coming up and wanting to work for me, because wallyworld killed the economy back in the 90s.

In Houston I really had to block myself from picking up bad vibes. I worked at the courthouse for a long time, and there is lots of negative emotion floating around. People are suing each other and are mad, judges and lawyers are stressed out and yell at the innocent employee (oftentimes ME). I was under horrific stress for several decades between college and work.

Here I have gotten into gardening. About once every month or two I go to the city to see a movie, or go shopping for things I can't buy at wallyworld. I'll stay in a motel a couple of nights and do whatever I need to do. I think it balances out.