well this is just craptastic

[northernlights]

I just found a message on my answering machine from my sister. Quick background: I grew up worshiping my big sister, who I thought was the coolest, funniest, smartest person around. I would have done anything for her, and did once offer her every cent I had to help her out of a tight $$ spot. Apparently, however, she did not return the sentiment, and when I was about 32, totally out of the blue one day announce to me that she hated me, had always hated me, would always hate me. "Don't say anything, don't do anything. There's nothing you can say or do. After years of therapy I realize it's me and not you. It's my sibling rivalry. But I'm tired of dealing with it." There hadn't been a fight or anything to provoke this. It wasn't an angry outburst. It was apparently a planned ambush, thought out and dumped without warning.

So I never called her again, not out of "revenge" or "I'm not speaking to you," but because I figured if she hated me she would prefer I didn't call her. :cry:

Eventually it dawned on me that she had rarely called me before, and then only when she was in trouble. Apparently I was her last resort. I also learned that she had come to visit aunt/uncle/cousins about 30 minutes from me many, many times over the years and not once had they invited me to join them. Apparently there had been a conspiracy to keep me out. :eyes:

She did call me once, 7 years after her hate announcement, and left a message that "I was just wondering how you were doing." My fist inclination was to wonder what she really wanted. I figured it was probably money. Sure 'nough, one year later I got a call from SUNY looking for her -- she had defaulted on her law school loans. Why was I not surprised. :eyes:

Anyway that was, oh, about 15+ years ago. And now I find a message with no message. Just "This is Pam. Please call me. phone number."

I'm pretty sure it's her, although I would never have recognized the voice. But I do need to be careful...she's been an attorney now for a couple decades, so probably a much better manipulator than before.

Craps. I have no interest in this. I check the obits online...no sign my father has left yet. Even if he did, I doubt he'd leave me anything. She was daddy's little girl and if she didn't already spend everything he made, she'll inherit it.

I honestly can't imagine what she wants. I don't have any money. It seems to me if it was legit she'd have left *some* sort of message. Hell, she wouldn't even call me when mommie dearest died. My father roped a cousin I'd met exactly twice in my life to do it, lol.

Craps. Go away. Just go away. :cry: I don't have any money to give you. So just go away. :cry:

[I Have A Dream]

1. Oh, northernlights, I just want to take you and wrap you in my arms...

and say that you're wonderful and brave and so deserving of love. I hate the hand that you've been dealt this life. I'm sorry that this has reopened such a painful wound. I hope that you're able to figure out what the right thing is for you to do. Oh, I wish that I could hug you. :cry:

[FirstLight]

2. You *do* have a choice, NL

:hug::hug::hug:


I think that's the reason the Universe allowed you to recieve this as a message and not have to deal with a direct call.
So you could *decide* whether you want to go there and return the call. Of course the gut reaction is to call her back and try to be kind in whatever way, but you can choose to take a closer look at your contract woith her and see whether it is truly over... or whether she is just trying to emotionally cord your space for whatever reason. You can protect yourself better now, knowing what you know about spirit and light and prayer...you can send out the prayer to her to leave you alone if that is where you are at with it.


You have SO many choices and so many people who truly care about you and how you fare in this life...

:grouphug: Yes, you DO!

[OneGrassRoot]

3. Wise words...

Very sage advice, IMHO, FirstLight. :)

I hope you find some semblance of peace with this soon, NL, so it doesn't drain you energetically. I'm sure it was a shock, so you're reeling from the message, but FL's advice feels spot on. While it may not be fair to have to add one more thing to your plate to deal with, you do have a choice in how you respond. Don't let this drain you.

I join IHAD in sending abundant hugs of love, support and comfort. I know you're tired...I hope you can rest soundly tonight...perhaps receiving blessed, divine guidance dreams to give you strength.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[get the red out]

4. She's not your responsibility

So don't have any guilt, no matter what you choose. The abrupt message strikes me as a well-baited hook after reading the description of your relationship with her though, just my gut reaction.

I am so sorry you were saddled with such a sibling, she's not very evolved. :hug:

[Celebration]

5. that sounds really, really toxic

Whatever you decide, send love and compassion to her by distance. She needs it, and you need it. If you call, get grounded first. Hopefully she is in some sort of 12 step program, where she has to apologize to everyone she hurt in her life. But, don't bank on it! Most likely it is more of the same. But I know I would be curious to know. And believe this-- you are way too smart to get taken in again.

:hug:

[northernlights]

6. thank you all so much for you loving support and wisdom...

IHAD, I could feel your arms around me last evening, I swear :hug: :loveya: :hug:

FL, I hadn't thought of that. You are quite right, the universe did protect me from accidentally picking up the phone and finding her at the other end. And you are right, I do have choices here. I can call back and talk to her. I can call back at a time when she's not likely to be home and leave her a message. Or -- and again you nailed it -- I can send the message to the universe...which is pretty much what I've done. :hug: :hug: :hug:

OGR,thank you for all those hugs! You, too, are right...fortunately it seems that lately I'm processing stuff much quicker. This wasn't quite how I planned on spending last evening, but considering what I've foreseen possibly headed my way this summer it's actually a good thing. It's a heads up and chance to reinforce my boundaries before tshtf. ::hug: :hug: :hug:

GTRO, thank you, too, for your wisdom. After I'd showered and washed away the icky feeling, I listened to the message again. This time, since I wasn't in shock and knew approximately what was coming, I could listen more closely to tone of voice and exact wording. And you, too are dead on. There was a lot going on behind her voice...and she is trying to lay a trap. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Thank you Celebration, for the vote of confidence and positive approach. I have learned a thing or two in my life ;) and you are also right. I am too smart to get suckered by her again. :hug: :hug: :hug:

I am grounded again this morning, after too late a night and too little sleep. But I am ready to get back to the business of my life. It's (not) odd -- she's appeared along with my mother in several dreams in the past month or two. Nothing dramatic, but I remember thinking my mother asked me to help her in one of them.

My guess is she's in financial trouble. She's been bankrupt before -- she lives above her means too much of the time and was taught to get other people to pay for it. I had learned, via google a couple years ago, that she bought an antique farm around the same time I bought my place. We both have horses, dogs and birds. But there the similarity ends. I lived way below my means for nearly 2 decades, saved, saved and bought my place cash. My guess then, and now, was that she bought with an ARM, or even a liar's loan. You know the story....home is under water, ARM resetting, less income than outgo.

And I was thinking recently how my current job -- as much as I don't love it, lol -- has provided me some instruction that could help me here. One of which is that anything she has to say to me will simply have to be in writing. She's a lawyer, she's been a judge. She knows how to write and mail a letter.

[Kookaburra]

7. Would you be willing to help her out again?

Not monetarily, but say, if she needed to find homes for her animals -- would you be able/willing to take them?

[northernlights]

11. I'm in my own financial situation here

unless something breaks my way soon, I'll be going under as well. In this area, I can barely earn enough money to stay afloat. Right now, I can't earn enough to pay off my student loans without my degree. They've cut off our student loans, so I have no way to finish the last year to get the degree to earn the money to pay off the loans.

If I'm able to sell my home and start over, I'd probably be able to house her animals. But as it is, I could find myself choosing between eating and heating next winter. I'm just taking things one semester at a time right now. I can just about make it through summer, I think.

On the other hand, I presented just one possible scenario. With my elderly father and my mother gone one year, statistically he's likely die within the next year. It could have to do with that. And I'm sure there are other possibilities I have no knowledge of.

[Celebration]

8. that is a good idea!!

I am thinking that email communication would be best. I have been really hurt by friends and other people, but never like this from family. Well, at least MY side of the family, LOL. I just send you all my love and support, past, present and future. :)

I think you have nailed it! She probably wants to mooch off you and move in with her horses..............eke...........

Sometimes people do undergo dramatic transformations, though. But the evidence that she bought an antique farm at the top of the real estate market is rather interesting.

I think people can learn things from all kinds of jobs! Nice that it came in handy.

:hug: again.

You do sound better today.

[northernlights]

12. as a heads up for those reading this, I'd avoid email

That's one of the things I've learned at my job. They do *everything* either on recorded phone line or snail mail. There is too much room for trouble with email, not the least of which is they can be hacked into, easily forwarded to god knows where.

For all I know there could be some legal thing involved. She found my phone #, she has my P.O. Box. She can send me a letter, all typed up like a good lawyer, and let me know what she wants.

[crikkett]

14. I've been really hurt by family

The best thing to do is let it go, forgive but don't forget. When you allow yourself to love them the way they are (best part of that being "they are far away") they'll have no power over you.

northernlights, by your writing, your sister still has power over you but not as much as she once did.

My first reaction is that she might be sick.

I hope everything goes well.

:hug:

[FirstLight]

9. Two things you said stand out to me, NL

First...the fact that things are happening and manifesting faster! BINGO! The Earth vibrations are definately moving our creations into our realities faster, healing karma faster, and realizing our lessons in situations faster...this is a real blessing, as sometinmes frightening as it seems. That's why we had to do all our work to keep clearing out our shit, because once the instant manifesting kicks in - we would much rather be creating from Love than from Fear (which is where 80% of the population is at, right?)...

Second- I think your intuition about finances is spot on. and the reality is that as more of our economy and social structures crumble and shift...there will be more who reach out to us and ask for the lifeline. It's like the sinking of a ship (or atlantis) - where the evolved sould who have a way out are beleagured by those who are scrambling for high ground in sheer terror. That's trhe visual that comes to me...it isn't just about your sister - you have chosen to share an example of this energetic with all of us so we can watch for it in our own interactions. Lots of people are going down for the third time in their own karma and negativity- and we have to remember the old adage about 'how to save a drowning person'...remember those old safety films that would tell you "Never get in the water with a drowning person"...well, ya...same energy!

thanks for sharing your experience NL - you are very special to us here and I am so very glad that our love and light can asist you with your bumps in the road as well! :grouphug: This forum keeps showing me the beauty of collective processing, we can all benefit from healing eachother and growing through these experiences together! yay!

psst- and i am also glad that you are feeling more grounded and okay today :hug: Happy Spring!

[northernlights]

13. exactly. and if she had come to me openly

and let me know what she wants, my feelings and response would be different. With just her past history to go on, I have to tread (water) very carefully.

[MorningGlow]

10. Wow

Sorry you had to go through this, NL! You don't deserve it! But glad to hear you're more grounded about it now. :hug:

Great advice on this thread. What a wonderful support system we have here. :grouphug:

You know what? Maybe you should call her. Why? You put it here in your OP: "I don't have any money to give you." So you can safely talk with her, knowing that no, she cannot have any more of your worldly goods, because you don't have any.

I also got the sense that if she's really up against it and you don't call her back, she'll call you again (if she's desperate).

Whatever you decide, remember that your shield is your friend! :hug:

[Flying Dream Blues]

15. nothernlights, I just saw this and I don't have

any more wisdom to add to all the wonderful responses you've gotten. But I would like to add a big hug for you and let you know that I'm sending you love and light.
:hug: :hug: :hug: