Please send protection for my daughter...

[Digit]

My daughter's newly ex(ed) boyfriend has threatened to kill her if she leaves him.
He was trying to get into my house last night and we locked ourselves in the half bath. Once he left, we called the police and they did take a report.
She is rather depressed also saying how she had thought their relationship was so perfect. I understand he was jailed once for domestic violence years ago to someone else.
Suffice to say, please send strength and white light to her.
Thank you

[Desertrose]

1. will do....

how frightening for you both. Good you filed that report.

Sending light and :hug::hug:

[Quakerfriend]

2. Prayers for you and your daughter, Digit

O8)

These situations are always very scarey! As I'm sitting here thinking of all of the women I know who have had similar situations where they feared for their lives (and there have been 5) I realize that ALL were resolved peacefully. And, these women are now in wonderfully happy, peaceful relationships with new husbands, or significant others.

And, these involved such bizarre happenings- husbands trying to take kids out of the country illegally, stalkings, one guy held a gun to his wife's head, etc. etc.

Please, tell your daughter that these things can be resolved without anyone getting hurt. She deserves the best. Let her know that we will all be channeling good energy her way, and praying for a peaceful resolution to the situation.

[Eloriel]

8. Uh, a positive attitude is good, a naive attitude can lead to death

Domestic violence situations of this type are nothing to fool around with. I'm really glad that your 5 friends all had peaceful outcomes, but that isn't true for hundreds of thousands of other women.

THE most dangerous time for women leaving abusive relationships (and this one IS abusive, by definition), is when they try to leave.

My advice is to get a restraining order and DO IT NOW. Don't wait another minute. And even that won't render her completely safe (see the link below).

It's all well and good to rely on good vibes, prayers, etc., etc., but sometimes ya gotta take action on the mundane world plane AS WELL.

For anyone who doubts that THIS is a serious and all-too potentially deadly situation, here are some stats from the ABA (American Bar Assn):

American Bar Association
Commission on Domestic Violence
http://www.abanet.org/domviol/stats.html

snip

SEPARATION VIOLENCE
When a woman leaves her batterer, her risk of serious violence or death increases dramatically.

* separated/divorced women are 14 times more likely than married women to report having been a victim of violence by their spouse or ex-spouse.
Bureau of Justice Statistics: Female Victims of Violent Crime, 1991.

* women separated from their husbands were 3 times more likely to be victimized by spouses than divorced women, and 25 times more likely to be victimized by spouses than married women.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey (NCJ-154348), August 1995, p. 4.

* 65% of intimate homicide victims physically separated from the perpetrator prior to their death.
Florida Governor's Task Force on Domestic and Sexual Violence, Florida Mortality Review Project, 1997, p.47, table 17.

HOMICIDE
Domestic homicide is often the culmination of an escalating history of abuse.

* female homicide victims are more than twice as likely to have been killed by an intimate partner than are male homicide victims.
Bureau of Justice Statistics: Female Victims of Violent Crime, December, 1996.

* 88% of victims of domestic violence fatalities had a documented history of physical abuse.
Florida Governor's Task Force on Domestic and Sexual Violence, Florida Mortality Review Project, 1997, pp.46-48, tables 14-21.

* 44% of victims of intimate homicides had prior threats by the killer to kill victim or self. 30% had prior police calls to the residence. 17% had a protection order.
Florida Governor's Task Force on Domestic and Sexual Violence, Florida Mortality Review Project, 1997, pp.46-48, tables 14-21.

* for homicides in which the victim-killer relationship was known, 31% of female victims were killed by an intimate. 4% of male victims were killed by an intimate.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Sex Differences in Violent Victimization, 1994 (NCJ-164508), September, 1997, p. 1.

* 70% of intimate-partner homicide victims are women.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings: Violence Between Intimates (NCJ-149259) November, 1994.

-- much, much more --

[Desertrose]

10. sounds like excellent advice Eloriel

as usual....I agree good vibes are just that...good, but not always enough.

This is not something you want to take a chance on. I'd do everything I could to put the odds on my side if I were you.

:hug::hug:
DR

[FreedomAngel82]

3. I'm sorry hon

Have you asked her guides to protect her? I was once threatned by a spirit and my guides protect me from now on. They put up a shield around me. But just try sending your daughter green energy for good luck. :hug: I sent some too. It seems to work.

[lavenderdiva]

4. I'm so sorry to hear this...

thank goodness you were with her last night. I am praying for you both, that you will be surrounded by angels, and that a hedge of protection surround you both. O8)

[peacefreak]

5. Sending positive energy.

On a physical level though, please get in touch with a Domestic Violence group in your area. They will help you get an Order of Protection. Granted, sometimes the men ignore them, but at least you will have the court's support & the police behind you if you need it. It's a hard road to go down. I wish you & your daughter safety & peace.

[LWolf]

6. I will do so, Digit.

Meanwhile, explore all options available in your community to keep this man from stalking and threatening your daughter.

Do you have a cell phone? Keep it with you/her so you may call for help no matter where you are.

:hug:

[hippiegranny]

7. file a restraining order

do not mess around with this type of individual. he is dangerous and must be treated as such. meanwhile, surround yourselves, especially your daughter, in bright white light.

[yankeeinlouisiana]

9. Strength and light to your daughter and you.

Do you have an alarm system at your house (or her house)? If not, I would get one, immediately.

Take care and be safe.

:hug:

[davsand]

11. Is there any chance your daughter can go away for a while?

Maybe go stay in another town with some family or friends or something? Can she take some time off her job?

Restraining orders are a necessary legal thing, but frankly, I don't think they are worth the paper they are written on when it comes to protecting women from an abuser. If the guy is violent they really could care less about violating a court order to stay away from the woman. Too many women trust the police to get there in time, and it is a mistake that costs them their lives.

I saw a man killed and the woman he was with abducted. That horror was done by her ex husband who had multiple orders of protection filed against him. She didn't feel safe and the man who was killed had offered to see her home. She was my neighbor and I was the one that called the police while she was dragged into a car.

I tell you this, not to scare you, but to illustrate that if you and your daughter feel the guy is a danger then you need to get her out of the picture for both her and YOUR safety.

I'm sorry, and I sincerely hope you are both worried about nothing. This is not the kind of thing to leave up to chance.



Laura

[Eloriel]

12. Update from Digit, who can no longer post in this forum because

her last contribution expired. I had PMd her to "come back to your thread!" and she responded and asked me to share this:

"Please let the others know we are pursuing the restraining order and thank them for their concern. I appreciate you all more than you can ever know. Really."

I'm relieved to hear that.

[loudsue]

14. Hmm. We can fix that problem.

:kick:

[Metta]

13. Did you get a restraining order? nt