I could use advice, please

[OneGrassRoot]

:)

I'm hearing Rick's words in my head this morning, that I "need to find a new way of dealing with people."

When it comes to relationships -- business, romantic, family, friends -- I pretty much approach them all the same way. Except for my daughter, I essentially have a "three strikes and you're out" policy. I will try...I will bend over backwards...but when things don't change after I've done the best on my end (my intolerance is for doing the same thing repeatedly, or watching others do the same thing repeatedly, with no change; Einstein's definition of insanity), I have no problem whatsoever detaching and removing myself.

And, I can honestly say that, in the end, I do it with love (resenting or begrudging others just drains ME, I've learned). Love for myself, and love for them to continue on their path.

I'm in a business relationship now and am truly experiencing THE MOST DIFFICULT relationship ever; I don't understand this person whatsoever and it is very, very, very draining. Conflicts come out of the clear blue sky and it's gotten to the point that I don't even want to interact with this person at all, as I have found I walk on eggshells, choosing every single word so carefully in order to avoid conflict or misunderstanding; I usually fail miserably anyway, so I should just say what I want to say, the way I want to say it (actually, I may have just given myself a bit of advice right there, to remove some of the strain and drain; screw my walking on eggshells, don't allow that aspect of the draining to continue).

Another pet peeve with this individual is that I don't believe this person is being honest with themselves; every single time there is a conflict, it's always "my stuff" to be evaluated, never any responsibility taken by the other person. I've grown to see it for what it is and accept that this is just how this person is, and I released any need to be "right." I accepted that this person, in her own mind, is always right. ;) Of course, this is a spiritualist type of person, who -- in my opinion -- uses that to manipulate. Again, I see it for what it is.

Bottom line is that this relationship is like a marriage with children; a child's future is at stake, and I won't walk away from this child I've nurtured and love. I didn't have a problem (finally) leaving my ex, as I knew the child would stay with me. This is different, a business partnership. Unless my partner would agree to sell, and I could get the money to buy her out (I believe I could...I believe a miracle could come about that way)...well, I don't see an answer.

And then I return to Rick's words: I need to find a new way of dealing with people.

How can I stay in what I feel is a broken working relationship (we're in different galaxies let alone on different planets, when I don't have faith that this relationship will ever get easier) which DRAINS me tremendously?

What is the other way of dealing with people who drain -- other than walking away from them -- that I am missing?

Other than what I wrote above I'm rather clueless about how to BE in this one particular relationship, and I do feel there is something for me to learn here. It's been going on for nearly three years now but I'm hitting my wall. And, I know me: Once I hit my wall, there is no turning back. I'm done.

Thanks. :hi:

:grouphug:

Edit because I was trying to keep it gender neutral, but I failed with that as well. :rofl: It's a woman...in case that matters in any hits you may receive.

[I Have A Dream]

1. OGR, I don't have any suggestions, but I wanted to give you a big hug.

You have so much heart. I'm sorry that this is happening with the important work that you're doing.

:hug:

:loveya:

[OneGrassRoot]

2. Ahhhh, that feels so good....

thanks for the hug. :hi:

Back atcha!

:hug:

:loveya:

[Sienna86]

3. Some thoughts

OGR, I sense you think there is some way you may be able to change this individual. Perhaps the new way of incorporating the idea of acting with love with others means for her, "I wish the the very best for you but it is impossible for me to be in a work relationship with you".

Using your metaphor of a child with two parents who don't get along, wouldn't we consider that this child is not truly served by being present in this relationship?

[OneGrassRoot]

4. That's an excellent point, Sienna...

"...wouldn't we consider that this child is not truly served by being present in this relationship?"

Excellent point. Thank you. :hug:

I can truthfully say that changing my partner is not what I want; changing another isn't anything I ever attempt to do.

However, your point about what's best for the child is a GREAT FOCUS I lost sight of in the last 24 hours.

I tend to "cut and run" after a certain point; I sense that is not what is best -- for anyone involved, including the child -- in this situation. I'm trying to find my way...how to stay in my integrity, do what's best for the child, and also maintain my sanity. :rofl:

There's a new way here that I haven't learned. I think an aha moment may be coming to the surface, and I believe your wise words of keeping the child's best interests at heart is the key.

Thank you. :hug:

edit for typo

[OneGrassRoot]

5. I know this sounds odd and crazy....

but I see this relationship as a microcosm of the macrocosm of how to deal with those I don't connect with AT ALL, for the sake of Humanity as a whole and our beautiful planet.

For example, I can't for the life of me figure out how to work with the uber teabagger types, even though -- ultimately, in our heart of hearts -- we want many of the same things: safety and wellness for ourselves and those we love.

Their fear causes them to act out in ways I feel are completely counterproductive to safety and wellness; their fear is cloaked in hatred and many other icky qualities.

It's been bothering me for years now: How to break through that fear and that wall and work with these types of souls toward a Common Good, rather than simply avoiding them like the plague, which is what I tend to do.

Thanks again, Sienna, for bringing the focus in more clearly for me this morning. :hug:

There is a parallel here for me...and I must find my way...as I don't feel that I'm supposed to ignore or completely detach or take any of those paths I normally take any longer.

:)

[BanzaiBonnie]

6. Walking on eggshells is painful

This is difficult and not likely to get any easier. It feels there are lessons for all in, as you say, this microcosm.

An exercise we practiced a lot at the seminar I went to recently - get centered in your heart. Then turn to the practice partner, maintain your stance in your heart. Feel the strength and how solid you are. Now, if any societal patterns set you off, feel that. Break the direct connection with the other person, turn away and find your heart center again. You may want to stand at a bit of an angle to the person you are working with. Just one shoulder slightly forward and your torso turned at a bit of an angle will keep a face on engagement from occuring.

When you are in your heart, you can have an authentic conversation with her. If she is able to set off patterns in you, those will run in your body and you will not be acting out of free will and choice. The conversation will not be authentic. You will be running, as I like to call them, "programs" that have been acted out societally for ages.

It feels that when you are ready, you need to have an authentic conversation with this person. Explain that there is something going on in your relationship that you 're trying to figure out and perhaps together you can do that. If she takes the same course you've seen before, point to that as exactly the problem. She's just proved it out.

Then you might let her know that when she does X, that you run a pattern of response to X. You are no longer willing to behave in that way and will no longer be allowing that pattern to run in your body, mind, spirit. Let her know that your response will be different and to expect a change in your response. Let her know so she's not surprised. Later, watch her be surprised when you don't behave in the same way.

Keep in mind, what she's doing is about taking power from you. I know this is true, I can smell it.

Keep your personal judgement of her out of this as to whether it's good or bad. It just is the way we are working in duality right now. We are all just working to nourish ourselves in the best way we've learned how to because we've dropped the thread to honestly feed on energy (chi).


Do the best you can, It gets better with practice.

Hugs to you OGR,
Bonnie

[OneGrassRoot]

7. Wow, Bonnie, thank you so much....

Thank you for taking the time to type all of that out for me.

Spot on advice, with great suggestions to implement. :hug:

Btw, I'm still intrigued by what you wrote last week...about working with lower energies? Did you write about that and I missed it?

Thanks again. :loveya:

[BanzaiBonnie]

9. No, you didn't miss it

this week has been different. When I got home from the seminar I had a fever by that evening. Later in the week I had a teleconference with the same teacher and he addressed how sometimes we get fevers when we're working on higher spiritual frequencies.

Anyway, if what I've offered is helpful, I'm pleased. Always work with what resonates for you.


I'll get something about high and low freguencies written out and posted later this week.

[OneGrassRoot]

10. ...

I hope you're feeling better, several days out from your event over the weekend...the dream/vision.

Take care of you, and thank you again. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[ricochetastroman]

8. You are right on, I believe

the rel. is dead. It is no more. It is very hard at this point, but is necessary to keep you from halting your growth. It is not your fault. It is as it is.

I'm dealing with the same thing after a 40 year friendship. I know the pain and I know my health cannot take the stress of'"Oh shit, what if this, what if that?"

I have backed off just as you stated. You don't need permission. You did the right thing. That's the word Virgos are looking for?
Right thing.

It's all subjective. You know it was right for you. That's all that matters. You're not doing so in a malicious manner.

:hi: