What's a mother to do?

[elleng]

Planned to put my place in order, for Day After Thanksgiving dinner with daughters and their beaux, who have never been all together, but several matters have intruded on my plans.

Think I heard bat sounds in closet last night/this morning, lost sleep, keeping closet door closed, coats not hung up (1 br. apt.), AND 'stranged husb intruding legal problems into an otherwise 'simple' and already accomplished separation agreement, court date Tuesday, so back and forth with my attorney, and not exactly motivated to clean and straighten this place!

[MorningGlow]

1. Oh dear

First things first: :hug:

Okay. As for the bat--call the landlord/super. Yes, even on the day before Thanksgiving. It's their job to clear out "vermin". (Even though I think bats are cute, it's not good for them--or the resident hoomins--to be inside an apartment.) If you feel brave, open up the closet door and swing a tennis racket around in there during the daytime, when bats are sleepy. Then there's less of an issue with them flying around and freaking you out. (If you hear chirping during the day, it's likely not a bat.)

As for the cleaning--heck, just do the basics. Pick up clutter, vacuum the rug quickly, run a cloth over a couple of surfaces. Most family members are not into the "white glove test"--they're there to see you.

And for the estranged husband...well, I don't know much about legal wranglings of that nature, but how about a short meditation: Picture picking up the STBE (make him tiny) and putting him in a box, along with his legal papers and court stuff, then close the lid/fold the flaps down. If he's yammering in his tiny voice, let it become muffled and then die out altogether. If you take a peek in the box after it's quiet, you'll likely see him curled up in the corner, fast asleep. Picture yourself tossing in a little food and water, maybe a little pillow, and close the lid again. And promise yourself you'll deal with this on Monday.

Here's another: :hug: Keep us posted, okay, Ellen?

[elleng]

2. Thanks so much, MG!

Have been in touch w landlady, a fine, excellent person, whose mother was hospitalized yesterday with a stroke! She's suggested it might be a smoke alarm, hidden from me in basement, and she will assist as possible!

Much too much clutter, but its really a small place so I really shouldn't complain.

As for the husband, wish I COULD put him in a box! He owes me big time, so trying to obtain my due. Monday? Trial set for Tuesday, and he writes he may go to NM to aid a sister he hasn't seen in YEARS!

Thanks!

[elleng]

3. MG, he really is a p.o.s., closely related to turd blossom,

calling out my attorney, all sorts of awful things. Just 'finished' THIS round. My attorney and I will be in court Tuesday without the defendant, with whom I had arrived at a comfortable 'separation agreement' as to property Nov. 1.

Damn! Haven't done a thing around here. Going to Starbucks!

[BlueIris]

4. I love it: "If he's yammering in his tiny voice..."

..."let it...die out altogether."

Nice.

[BlueIris]

5. Re: the bat. Um, assuming it is one, are you into totems at all?

Bat medicine can be about internal exploration. For transformational change. Revolution from within, if you will. The one or two times I've seen bats in my life proceeded great change on the personal/homefront. The last time was really memorable, too.

So, I say, welcome Bat Boy! Could be a beautiful thing. But you probably want to ask the actual animal to leave soon (politely). Probably doesn't want to be there any more than you want him there.

[elleng]

8. Don't, BlueI, but will think about it.

Heard him few hours ago, but chirps have ended. Don't know WHAT I'll find, when/if I look into the closet!

Thanks

[PhillyGurl]

6. Take it one day at a time

As others have said, do what you feel you can. Kids want to be with you, that's a nice feeling.

Enjoy your family, enjoy the day. The other stuff (STBE) can intrude on Monday when they are gone. I wouldn't even give him the power to take away an hour of what can be a wonderful day. I like the 'imagining him in a box idea,' put that box in a corner and ignore it until your daughters are gone, no amount of worrying is going to change the outcome anyhow.

I've had some real life lessons in "futurizing" lately, and what I thought was going to be SO horrible just recently, was all anticipatory anxiety and didn't turn out to be a hundredth of the awfulness that I thought it would be. When I get in this mode (becoming less frequent now) I calmly, breathe deeply from the belly, and exhale and say just be in this moment. I give it up to the Universe and trust that things will have a positive outcome.

Good luck elleng!

[elleng]

7. Thanks, PG.

P.S., will be in Philly next month to meet high school classmate, haven't seen in ages, doing 'book things' Dec 7-14(?)

http://www.autumnlove.org/