Here's another way science and intuition are/can meld:

[lildreamer316]

I'm pointing to a post in a thread because it contains a relevant quote from the originating article; but I recommend going and reading the article at Alternet strongly. I think it points to our need for more community, intution and empathy as well as emotional connection. Something we've all been talking about here for a long time.
Anyway,:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=578409&mesg_id=578586

Originating article:
http://www.alternet.org/world/149325/trauma%3A_how_we%27ve_created_a_nation_addicted_to_shopping%2C_work%2C_drugs_and_sex

[OneGrassRoot]

1. Ooooh, I really look forward to reading this...

Thanks, lildreamer!

:loveya:

[Callie McAllie]

2. Wow. I read the article, not the discussion, but it was very eye-opening

We are going back to family dinner every night, no matter what! The teen-cool stuff he talks about at the end is just where my son is these days. I hate it. He's nice enough, not openly disobedient or rebellious, but he's struggling academically.

The down side of this is that I already feel guilty enough as a mother - did I do that right? was I good enough then? - now this kind of suggests that every problem in modern society goes back to mom and dad and were they good enough? Oy.

It is what it is. This too shall pass.

[lildreamer316]

3. I'm sure you did the best you could, Callie..

and are still doing so. As a mother, I found it reassuring in that:
1) He's not blaming parents, he's blaming the society that forces parents to make choices between being there for their kids and putting food on the table. Not your fault if you were worried about finances or somesuch so much that you couldn't be as emotionally available as you wanted to be. We were all raised to believe that we could do it all and that we weren't worth much if we couldn't provide and produce, independent of any support system at all.
2)He's also saying that the brain has neuroplasticity - in other words, these pathways can be formed later in life. It's never too late.
..so let's get started, yes? It will be emotionally rewarding, eventually.

[OneGrassRoot]

4. I'll read later as well, but the part I "landed" on when I clicked...

was a discussion about addiction and how every addict the interviewee knows was abused in childhood in some way.

I disagree with that so strongly. I know of two family members specifically -- younger than me -- who were definitely not abused in any way. If anything, they were coddled. They don't claim abuse nor has my investigation of same turned up any sort of abuse whatsoever (these relationships challenged my sense of compassion and led me to set very strong boundaries; it was very valuable to me).

It's my very strong opinion, based on 35+ years of observation of these specific people, that they simply have very manipulative -- even "con artist" -- personalities, that have nothing to do with abuse. They were this way even as young children. I think genetics are involved in some way, beyond the addiction aspect. (The biological father, with whom they had no contact throughout their lives, was this way.)

So, right off the bat I dispute the claim that all addicts are addicts because of abuse.

I'm going to need to find the article you speak of, rather than the interview/discussion.

Hey, Callie, just remember that we've all done our best and some things are out of our control; and, it's also never too late for us to keep doing better as parents, to the best of our ability, imho. I don't buy into that "blame the mom" meme.

:hug: :hug: :hug: