Big move...change

[get the red out]

My mom has spent the past week in the hospital for depression, an issue that should have been addressed YEARS ago but came to a head after Dad passed away this summer. We are moving her into assisted living (a very nice place) as soon as possible. She will leave the small town she has spent 74 years in. My sister and I will be, in essence, saying goodbye and cutting the cord to our physical beginnings, the town, the house we grew up in, it all seems very strange. It is for the best because Mom will be closer to us (just a few miles from me and only an hour from my sister), she will also be in the vicinity of good doctors and hospitals, which are in short supply in eastern, Kentucky.

This is weird and like a waking dream in some way. I have had a couple of dreams about my Dad, in both he was in a fancy new house and my Mom wasn't there. In the latest one I was visiting him and someone was trying to break in during the middle of the night and Dad and I were running from place to place in the house trying to see where the intruders were coming in. This dream was just a few nights ago and though I don't know the meaning I can't help but think it has something to do with the situation with Mom.

My mother is not all there, sad to say, never has been emotionally. It isn't her fault, she was raised in a very abusive home. Her negativity is so extreme that I have serious trouble spending much time with her. Saying these things makes me feel like I am being bad, but bless her heart she is an emotional vampire and she knows no other way. Once my Dad passed she lost the person whose emotions she drew on to keep her remotely stable within the real world. Neither my sister nor I can serve that role for her, she will be at least somewhat disappointed in this move for that reason. If she looks to anyone first to fill that bill it will be me, as I am oldest and will be closest, and most of all have been less honest with her for many years (trying to be GOOD). We will do what we must to help her and give her a chance at life. She says she wants this, but I am not sure she will want to put forth any effort to not be a hermit and not look to family to meet all her emotional needs (which we can't do and survive mentally, we discovered that at a young age). I still have that fantasy of a mother that is capable of sharing interests with me, I know I need to take her as she is. I will do what I can and pray I am strong enough to let go of the rest. She has a path the same as all of use and has to walk hers as well.

Thanks for letting me stream of conscious this here.

GTRO

[Ricochet21]

1. Pluto will treat you well

as you transition. I know it will be strange and disorienting, but you have done best - a great rebirth awaits you! :hi:

[get the red out]

2. Thank you Rick

I needed that. :loveya:

[MorningGlow]

3. That is tough

but necessary--that message comes through quite clearly. It's great that you can see that, GTRO, and that you're strong enough to enter into this new life phase--for everyone involved--with both eyes open. :hug:

[get the red out]

5. It is very difficult now

My Mother suddenly decided that she didn't want to go through with the arrangements she asked us to make, and can't understand why we would ever have made them. This is my childhood on steroids, rinse-repeat. My Mother fears change more than death and fears spending a dime more than hell.

Ugh :mad: So much for me thinking my sister and I could move mountains even with their permission.

[OneGrassRoot]

6. bouncing off the walls....

That's one of the ways I describe my mom. From what you've shared, your mom reminds me so much of my own, as I've told you.

:(

Yep. Lather, rinse, repeat. drama, drama, drama.

Good luck, my friend. I do feel for you and your sister. I really, really do.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[FirstLight]

4. one phrase really speaks volumes to me

"Bless her heart...she knows no other way"

What a loving and compassionate thing to say in the face of a difficult situation and no doubt difficult emotions...

:hug: you are handling this really well and please feel free to come here and talk to us as you meet hurdles...we will love you through it!

[get the red out]

8. Thank you FirstLight

This helps. My sister and I were talking this morning about how much this episode has brought up in us emotionally. ASAH is such a haven for me.

[Matariki]

11. nevermind....

I was asking about Southern turns of phrase, but the question might be in the wrong place.

[rosesaylavee]

7. It's a big move but it sounds like you're ready for it...

And it sounds like you have your priorities straight. Good for you!

Hugs to you GTRO... if you need help or support, let us know!

[get the red out]

9. UPDATE -

The hospital where my Mother is receiving treatment has recommended my sister and I apply for emergency guardianship over her because she is no longer capable of living alone. We are in the process of getting a letter from the hospital so we can do that, along with getting things in place for a quick move for her into the assisted living accommodations we have reserved for her. My Dad left her the financial resources for this but was in total denial that it would ever be necessary. One of the possible diagnoses they are looking at for my Mom is "delusional disorder"; along with the evidence that there has been a small stroke (we believe this is very recent, based on her sudden memory deterioration).

It is going to be very hard moving a reluctant person who still believes against all evidence that they can live alone.

[PhillyGurl]

10. I am thinking of you

Best of luck with sorting this out. Sending you vibes and light to ease a smooth transition for your mother, and for you and your sister. Even though my mom can be very narcissistic and self-absorbed, I am enjoying the fact that right now she is seemingly happy and healthy, and drama is at a minimum. I know so many people who are trying to deal with aging parents & health problems (dementia, COPD, etc.)

Bless all of you that care for them, even though they haven't always been there for you. I too, will be in this position someday, and I hope to rise to the occasion like you have GTRO. :hug:

[OneGrassRoot]

12. Me, too...

Please keep us posted as you can.

:hug: