I do believe in past lives,

[laylah]

therefore, I must ask this question.

What could I have done in another time that would have resulted in karma that allowed the father of my children to "take them away from me" at birth? I was always the bad guy. When I would consequence them, he would diminish/demean me in front of them. He would allow them to say "fuck you" to me as they grew older, allow them to get physical with me.

I was NOT a perfect mother; however, I was the one who did the volunteering in the classroom, who spent MANY hours/days in hospitals with the youngest because of her ear ailments until she was 14 years old, who sat with them as he played "poke-her" on Saturday nights for three years! There is so much more...

Yes, Jenn presents another pity-party. I feel I only take from here, yet I truly, at this point in time, have nothing left to give. :cry:

Jenn

[Kookaburra]

1. Dear Laylah

I don't know the answer to your question, but am sending you loving healing light to help get you through this. I'm so sorry for what you've had to endure from the father of your children. There is no explaining it and there is not excusing it. It was and is wrong.

You are loved and appreciated here, so don't worry about "taking". We love to give.

[laylah]

2. Kookaburra...

Thank you for your loving, healing light. Yes, he was wrong, caused much damage with my children, that will not be rectified in this lifetime.

I feel safe here...a new thing for me in so many years.

:hug::loveya:

Jenn

[I Have A Dream]

3. Layla, I don't think that you had to have done anything in a past life...

to have this happen. I do believe in karma, but I don't think that everything is about karma. It's possible that you chose to go through this as a gift to them to allow them to grow. It could also be a lesson that you yourself wanted to learn for some reason, or maybe it's really just the result of someone being a self-centered, vindictive person.

I have a very close friend who is going through the same thing; it's a very sad thing to watch happen. I hope that your children are ultimately able to see the truth.

In reference to "only taking from here", that's certainly not true, but even if it were, it wouldn't matter at all. :loveya:

[mysticalchick]

5. This is my feeling too ...

.... and I also believe in past lives.

Some people choose to learn the lessons in a really hard way (choose on a soul level) and this may be the case here. There really are no definitive answers to your question - at least answers that satisfy what you really want to know.

Often we look at the "WHY" part of it when knowing the answer doesn't assist in our growth. For example, my beloved goddaughter and one of my soulmates passed away at 19 from bone cancer. It tore me apart. Early on, I often asked myself why this had to be. And then I realized that even if I knew the answer, even if the answer was simply that she completed her soul work in the physical and it was her choice to go, that didn't take away my sadness at losing her in this lifetime. No answer would have done that. For me, knowing that, made it just a bit easier to stop asking WHY about it and just say "And so it is." and move on from there.

I hope you can come to a place of peace over this. You won't know until you do and even then, it may not be what you need.

Sending a big hug to you.

[laylah]

8. mysticalchick,

My Daddy always said I had to learn things the hard way...lol. Yes, maybe this is my Soul journey, to do just that. Plus, being a too tender-hearted Cancer, does not help dealing with the pain very well.

I am so sorry for your losses. I agree, asking "Why" doesn't change what is. Thank you for that wisdom.

I have looked for peace for many a year, I am sure it is just over the next hill.

Thank you for your kind words. :hug:

[laylah]

7. Dear IHAD.

The last option is the one I have believed for years, though he has treated me unbelievably well since we separated in 2002, but my babies were grown by then.

I will ponder that maybe I chose this lesson, whatever that lesson may be.

I appreciate you, and all you give to everyone.

Thank you. :hug:

[hermetic]

4. I understand

:hug:

Now you need to stop putting so much energy into blaming yourself; you did nothing wrong. Instead, put your thoughts to what you can do right from now on, the right that comes from a place of love.

And believe me, I know, that's a whole lot easier said than done. It takes a lot of effort. But I know you can do it.

Here's to a better year.

[laylah]

10. hermetic,

Yes, guilt is a well known companion of mine. I do need to work on that.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. :hug:

[OneGrassRoot]

6. There are several ASAHers going through a similar struggle...

or who have been through a similar struggle.

It's a heartbreaking path, and I am so very, very, very sorry for anyone who is experiencing this.

:cry:

I don't have any insights as to the "why" of your situation, Jenn. I believe in karma as well but I just don't have a feel for whether or not that's the case. I do believe there are gifts within all situations, no matter how heinous; your children have been gifted with life lessons that, with your continued loving influence, will help them be loving, compassionate people one day, if they so choose.

What I do feel, as others have wisely suggested, is that you -- somehow, because indeed it isn't easy -- remove yourself from this cycle of the past, if even in your own thoughts. Quit going there. You're torturing yourself over and over again. I'm so sorry for the intensity of your pain.

If we can somehow help you release what has happened in the past and move forward...focus on that...please, please let us know.

You're not alone.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[OneGrassRoot]

9. Coming back to say....

That your children may already be loving, compassionate souls now. I didn't mean to imply otherwise in saying "one day."

More :hug: :hug: :hug:

[laylah]

11. Dear, dear OGR...

My mantra, for many months, when my thoughts go where they may hurt me, has been "Creator, take care of it!" I do work hard on controlling my thoughts; however, when it comes to my children, and the loss of them, it so very, very hard. :cry: I will face this head-on and do what I can to ease my pain. As mysticalchick said, "so, it is".

Yes, my children ARE loving, compassionate young women, except where it involves me. I must admit, I, too, had a tumultuous relationship with my mother, but I never, ever, ever let her doubt my love for her. Then again, I am projecting upon my girls. They are who they are. Maybe one day, though many years have been lost, we will come to peace with each other. Creator, take care of it!

Thank you for always being here/there. :loveya::hug:

[OneGrassRoot]

12. Bless you....

I pray your pain and suffering are lifted and you find yourself gloriously free.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[laylah]

15. ...

:hug: X a brazillion.

[Sienna86]

13. Hugs

Layla, I can somewhat relate. My ex's relationship with my boys does not encourage respect for me. The boys will see it all more clearly as they get older, perhaps. I chose to empower myself and stay healthy. When I see anything disrespectful, I tell them it is disrespectful, and I will not tolerate that behavior, and I walk away. There are repercussions when they ask to do something fun later that day or the next day and I tie it back to the previous behavior - all within reason. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself well and think highly of yourself. Seek out positive relationships with others. Work or volunteer. Work on not allowing yourself to be treated badly by anyone.

[laylah]

14. Sienna86

What a dear you are. The incidents I speak of now, happened over the course of 20 years, the minimization, the verbal/mental abuse in front of the kiddos, the utter lack of disrespect he showed me, and allowed my girls to show me. It is now 30 years. I have done what you wisely suggested, I am just mourning, and have been for more years than I care to think of, the loss of all those years!

Congratulations to you, dear lady, for your growth! :hug:

Jenn

[SheilaT]

16. Like so many here I also firmly

believe in past lives. And as several others have said, to try and figure out what you might have done in a past life that resulted in the karma that allowed your situation may not be the right question to be asking.

For me, the meaningful question is always: What am I supposed to learn from this?

I firmly believe that we choose what happens, and from that perspective you came into this life knowing from the beginning that this situation would probably occur. (I also believe that nothing is rigidly set in stone, and sometimes things might work out differently.) And, as someone else said, this situation may be more about what your children need to learn this time around, and you chose to be their loving mother to make this possible.

If you think you are ready to go there, try to find a good past life regression hypnotherapist. It is my bias that having someone else do a "reading", where that person supposedly tunes into your past lifetimes, is completely worthless. You need to be the one to go there. Go into the session asking a specific question regarding this situation. It might be: What am I supposed to learn? It might be: Why are these two women with me in this lifetime? Or even: Why is the father of those two in my life?

I have had several past life regressions myself and have gained insight from them into who I am and why I'm here. The lives I've uncovered so far have all resulted in my ending up alone, which is where I also am today. I've been trying to figure out what it is that I still haven't learned, that I keep on ending up alone. But again, maybe that's the wrong question, because maybe I simply planned it this way. And just to clarify, in this lifetime I am now 62 years old, divorced three years, and I moved 800 miles away from family at the time of the divorce. My two grown sons, with whom I have a good relationship, have no interest in moving to this city. Lately I have come to realize that even in my most optimistic fantasies of my marriage not ending, I would not have made the move to this place, would not have had the many wonderful and positive changes that have happened to me since coming here.

I find when others tell me their life stories that I seem to be able to see the underlying karma or lessons. I probably am not getting it right every time, but noticing the patterns that way helps me to make sense of things that otherwise would seem meaningless.

[laylah]

19. Dear SheilaT...

I could only skim your response...tmi for my already over blown brain. That said, I did recognize and compute your wisdom. While I cannot, as eloquently, respond to you, I can say, thank you from the very bottom of my heart for the support and wisdom!

:hug: Jenn

[get the red out]

17. I believe in past lives also

But I also believe in free will as well as Karma. The father of your children had the free will TO be a bad guy and wrong you and your children. I believe part of our path is to experience free will, ourselves and the results of other people's. For me, it if were otherwise the whole life thing would be too organized and like actors in a play rather than souls progressing.

I'm sorry he's been such an asshole :(

[laylah]

18. get the red out...

i truly believe his conscience has kicked in...we have been separated for 9 years. If not for him, I would be in the streets...literally.

I DO know he worked his issues with HIS mother, out on me, as well as an ex. BTW, as a New Yorker, he would PROUDLY, to this day, say, yes! he is an asshole!

Be that as it may...you are so very special to have responded. I cannot tell you how grateful I am...:hug:

Jenn

[japple]

20. "I feel I only take from here, yet I truly, at this point in time, have nothing left to give."

Well, you gave me something. You gave me a chance to be of service, and that always makes an angel tingle! :hug: Seriously though, you need to stop beating yourself up for what happened in the past, for your "human-ness." :hug: You tried to be a good mother and give your children what they needed. If it is really important to you to understand why you allowed your childrens' father to treat you badly, then ask your angels or guides to help you. You can ask them before you go to sleep to help you see what you need to in your dreams. Pay attention to repetative thoughts--they usually hold a message. :hug:

If you haven't already read BonzaiBonnie's thread "this is a thread for all of us now," please read it. It is so timely and may help you feel more at peace, like it did for me.:hug:

Thank you for allowing me to give a little advice. Most people want to be helpful. :hug:

[laylah]

21. Dear, sweet Japple...

firsly, I read BB's thread...she is SUCH a magical one, from my perspective.

THAT said, I am beyond grateful for your input/words of wisdom. I have asked the Angels...my so very awesome animal guides WHY! I think I need to listen more closely.

Thank you for being here. The ASAHS have saved me more than once, more than they/you know!

:hug: