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This story comes under the heading of a personal revelation, so take it or leave it as you will. I thought it might be of interest to some of my friends here, and anyway, I had to get it out to take some inner pressure off - kind of like venting a reactor at Fukushima but a lot less dangerous...
I’m 60. I’ve been married twice, once for seven years, once for twenty. I’ve been in two other long relationships since my second divorce, one for seven years another for two. In the last 40 years I’ve been single for only six months. "Hello, my name is Bodhi and I’m a relationship addict."
One year ago yesterday, two months after my last relationship ended, I reconnected with my Twin Flame. I’ve known her in this lifetime for 40 years. We were very close friends for a decade in the ’70s, but we had lost contact for the last 27 years. She ended up in Los Angeles and I was in Ottawa.
The reconnection when we found each other again was earthshaking - instantaneous, mutual and absolute. Over the last year there has never been a moment that was less than crystal clear regarding the nature of our bond. We have known each other in different roles over many lifetimes, both in and out of physical reality and its associated time. We are now together here, and the love between us is the air we breathe.
Both us had been doing heavy inner work over the last number of years - waking up, discovering who we are (and who we’re not), getting a handle on our emotional reactivity and learning to love ourselves. That Work was what made our reconnection possible, and it has continued every day since. She is the most awake person I have ever known.
Last night, to celebrate our first anniversary, we went to a meeting of the sangha in which I’ve been doing my Work. The theme, appropriately enough, was Love: parental love, friendship, intimate love and divine love. As we went on a guided inner journey through each of those aspects, we looked back over all the relationships of each type that we had experienced in our lives. During that exercise I noticed a number of things about my memories that were somewhat "out of sync" with the theme. It seemed as though every time I looked back at a relationship, whether with children, friends or previous partners, I could see something that looked like love, but didn't actually feel like it.
When we got home, our discussion of the night turned into Work (of course ;-) ) and that was when the penny dropped. As we explored all the twists and turns of memory and meaning a picture emerged, and finally a simple sentence formed to crystallize it all. "In 60 years, this is the first time I have ever been in love."
It was one of those cosmic "Aha!" moments, when everything shifts, meanings rearrange, and life suddenly makes more sense. The qualities of my previous relationships, my feelings toward my parents as a child, the nature of my friendships, even the breathless childlike exuberance of my ongoing feelings of love for my Twin Flame were revealed in all their naked, blameless truth.
All this (our reunion as well as this insight) became possible only because I had finally been able to peel my inner onion enough to recognize myself and know that I loved who I saw. Today I feel humbled, stretched and full of wonder. One door closes and the next opens, revealing a new road stretching off into mystery and adventure - a path I will walk side by side with my Beloved. It has confirmed to me that the universe is truly a place of unconditional abundance, and reinforced the absolute need for all of us to Keep Going. We never know what miracles may lie ahead.
If you have made it this far, thank you for reading my little tale. Shared pain is lessened, and shared joy is increased.
Namaste,
Bodhi :hug:
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