There was once a wizard named Starkling,

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who lived near The Misty Mountains closest to The Canyons of Yenkla, where he once loved a mighty woman named Terinthia. He never went a day without recalling her beautiful face and long, cascading red hair. Her heart was just as golden.

He had grown gray during the years, long past salt and pepper, but of course, the villagers believed it made him look more wizard-y, but this wasn't the kind of thing that concerned him at all. He was a man of the mind, AND the stars! He would sit outside his humble dwelling longing for company, but truly his memories of Terinthia and the myriad and multitudes of countless stars on a clear night soothed him.. He could name all the constellations...

(of course continue the story, if that wasn't obvious-enjoy!)

[wovenpaint]

1. ok-next

...they were as familiar to him as all the faces he dearly loved. He secretly compared Cassiopeia to Terinthia's visage, both had such beauty.
So, knowing that this night would prove to be balmy, dark and clear, he prepared his dinner, climbed to his favorite viewing spot to settle in for a relaxing evening amongst the stars.
He smiled at his reflection in the brass finish of his telescope and fitted his eye to the viewfinder. Suddenly, with eyes wide-he bolted upright...

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2. "My God" he said to himself! "Did you see that?"

He realized that a supernova was happening right in the midst of the Orion constellation! He knew he was right. Orion, the Hunter, was finished hunting! "Whatever could that symbolize?", said this phenomenal astrologer/astronomer.

After rubbing his chin for quite some time and realizing what date it was, it reminded him of a long time ago in his early training when...

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3. He had stumbled upon quite happenstance,

an ancient secret, and not just any secret, THE secret. It was a piece of the planetary puzzle everyone-well, mostly the nerdy astro types, had been having manly orgasmic, wig-out gasps over. What a thrilling sensation to be the one-THE ONE- who had first discovered it.

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4. He found that

whenever Mars was retrograde, mankinds sex drive became quite diminished! Oh, how they did moan! "When will this end, the young maidens chimed?!"

He told them, "in about 2 months, but, if it corresponds with Mecury Retrograde at the same time, not only will you GUYS not be able to perform, you'll probably find yourself with the wrong woman!"

Heavens.

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5. Obviously, these revelations were right up his alley...

in his line of work, so therefore, it was an easy leap to figure out that..

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6. But Starkling now had the astronomical world on its ear

A Super Nova right in our neighborhood, that meant that in just 25 light years, the Earth would be incinerated! There's just no way around that. Immediately, Wall St. started buzzing as the NY Stock Exchange and world markets panicked!

This changed everything; only 25 more years to live! Just THINK of the ramifications!?

Starkling had no idea what to do... so he instintively headed for the Canyons of Yenkla, hoping for something, something that would make him feel...

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7. That he could escape the madness of knowing,

the exact timing of the real end, not some Mayan prophecy(which he didn't really believe, but often specualted over on rare times and some fine brews in the Tavern towns outside of Yenkla.) But no, this time his mind movies were no comfort at all. He wished to escape his cerebral cortex, a vortex of swimming atoms bound to push him closer to..

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8. absolute insanity! or else, pure bliss!

He didn't know, he was confused. Why aren't other people adding to this ridiculous story!?

Nevertheless, he had to continue, he must, Chiron was all over him like a wet blanket and left him no choice! He had to get the word out! 25 years and counting, what a sad gift for the next shortened generation. What were they to do? Everything on this half of the Milky Way was about to melt, just like the candy bar left on back seat window.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

9. there once was a wizard named Starkling

Whose incantations were frankly, quite darkling.
But then on a night
Bible blackened with fright
He set them to music and thus: Farkling!



Oh...wait....whut?

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10. .....and speaking of incantations

As Starkling marched frantically through the Yenklan canyons, with all these thoughts good and bad racing through his mind, a noise started to break through....water?

Instantly, his mind started to calm, he started to calm. As he rounded the bend in the sandy path, there they were...the violet waters of Hottonian Falls.

The effect on the wizard was immediate. He sat on a warm rock to watch, just watch, them. What a relief he found this scene to be. Finally, clarity of thoughts!

So, it came as no surprise to him that (after a few deep breaths), he realized that he's had a solution all along! "I'm a wizard after all", he said to himself. Now I just need the correct incantation...

[Celebration]

11. why was his memory failing him?

All he could remember was

"Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble."

It was like an ear worm he could not put out of his mind.

Maybe if he couldn't completely stop the end of the world in 25 years, though, he could ameliorate it. After all, Sleeping Beauty pricked her finger on the spinning wheel on her 16th birthday, and she only had to sleep for one hundred years, not die.

"I Know," Starkling said. Here was his plan:

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12. Earth is doomed...

there's just no way around it. The massive force of a SuperNova will incinerate everything for sure! Our only hope is to move to another inhabitable planet... and that means everyone, a long way, to another inhabitable planet!


They would all have to go thru a wormhole to get far enough away, so, he dialed: 1-8-0-0-W-O-R-M-H-O-L-E and waited...

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13. After 12 hours on "hold"...

The wizard realized that he had it in his power to transport planet Earth (as well as the whole solar system-to keep things in balance) to another galaxy, far, far away to hide until the SuperNova passed by.

The only glitch was that the safest hiding place gave Earth a second moon-a blue moon. However, Starkling figured that since the biggest drawback was probably the loss of relevance to the expression "once in a blue moon", he started to make the arrangements.

After consulting with the world's leaders about this ambitious plan...

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14. One of the leading astrophysicist

from Romania asked Dr. Starkling, "Juss vat is yoo idea about how we goinkt too transferrr dis entire solar system to anudderer galaxy? Dr. Starkling replied, "Well, you must first understand the laws of time and space, and then...


(12 hours on HOLD roflmao.....!)
edit: add horrible accent

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15. But then the ghost of Einstein appeared,

and moved in rather suddenly into STarkling's line of vision..

Starkling dropped everything including his jaw! Gasp! "Albert?? Is that really you??"

"Hell, Yes, it's me! Listen, you are going about this in the wrong way... as much as I believe in science, there is something that I believe in more!..."

"Uh, Uh, What could that be??" Starkling pulled out a tiny notebook from nowhere.

" Ahh, you fool! You are using the wrong part of your brain! The secret is ...your imagination..
and a little streudel whenever you can!"

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16. Just then, Prof. Starkling abruptly awoke

he realized he had been dreaming. Super Nova, thank God...

He walked into the restroom and slapped water on his face, still breathing somewhat heavily. What a nightmare.

[japple]

17. He felt a small tug on his nightshirt. "Why were you hollering, Grandfather?"

asked his little grandson, Oolio. "Did you have another important dream?" "Yes, but I can't remember all of the details," said the Prof. "Now, why don't you and I go see if there's anything interesting in the refrigerator. Maybe there's a bit of that Genoa salami and some Limberger cheese." Oolio followed Prof. Starkling downstairs to the kitchen, thinking "I hope there's something nice in the refrigerator for me, like pudding or fruit. Grandfather's favorites are too stinky for me." Oolio's favorite dog, Minerva, followed them down to the kitchen, hoping for a few dropped tidbits. When they passed through the living room, the Prof. saw a movement at the south-facing window. He went to the window and looked out, but the full moon revealed nothing, not even the shadow of a tree branch....

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18. But Oolio had a "Knowing"

event when he saw the ghost of someone with long, flowing red hair, a kind of goddess, no doubt.It would've been one of those wonderful visual moments you remember forever complete with mist and fog settling on the ferns and bougainvillas. Ahhh, he was dreamy for a youngster, but that incessant barking from Minerva!

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19. "Ouch!"

cried the spirit,with her long red hair caught in the tree branches outside! Oolie really upped the barking now, frantically! What were they to do? The branch was going up and down wildly, and just then, a downpour hit them like a right hook from Ali...

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20. And when Starkling saw that it was indeed

his long, lost beloved, he fell to his knees and felt a skipping beat to his heart...

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21. He took a deep jagged breath

got to his feet, and as he lurched toward the door with the intention to investigate, an image on the television (that of course, Oolio turned on) flashed up with a voice saying that the US president, vice president and families had paused during their vacation to acknowledge the bravery and genius of the Highest Wizard Starkling for the bold move that has saved the world. Whaaat?



Hmmm, Starkling notices that they didn't seem to mind that tropical evenings may be a touch cooler now.

When the wizard opened the door-and saw HER! Oh, it was all just too much, he fainted!
Oolio asked, what now, grandfather?....

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22. Just then, David Starkling stumbled into the scene...

"Hey Pops", he said. "I was just wondering if I could have the keys to the rental cabin and boathouse this weekend?"

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23. There, there son! You're forgetting

about the Hike we must take this Saturday afternoon. It's all planned out! I'm packing the telescopes.. I want to show you something...especially if you want to follow in my footsteps.. the sky will be just right, optimal for viewing!

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24. Ah Dad!, cmon....

I had some plans, me and Charlie were gonna have a coupla chicks over an do our own "light show". Who wants to stare thru your old telescopes!? What are you up to anyway?

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25. This gave Starkling a start.

He paused and looked past his son and remembered another time when he had been ridiculed and rejected.By some very interesting characters...Still, Ouch! His own son! Buuut.... parents of teenagers have to develop thick skins, why should he be any different!

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26. Cmon Dad

this must be some big deal if we have to hike to some location WHEN WE HAVE OUR OWN WONDERFU MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR OBSERVATORY!?
What gives? What's at the end of this hike? Just what do you have to show? Cough it up!

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27. Then

Terinthia stepped through the open door and asked "What time is it anyway?"
It was a jaw dropping moment...

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28. My Love! My God!

In extreme excitement, Starkling ran to embrace his long lost lady and then pulled apart abruptly.

"I remember you said you'd come back, to life, to me! But you told me all those years ago, that you would only return when the big turning point in humanity was just about to commence!
Is it THAT time already??"

"Yes, my sweet I am here to help. The unseens have been educating me on the this May 21st end of the world date, the rather fearful ignorants have perpetuated to the higher energies surrounding Mother Earth! I am here to block this horrible swirling fear vortex from becoming a reality!!!"

"Oh.. that's right, May 21st! I wasn't paying attention cuz I think it's hogwash and moose mustard!!... But my dearly beloved just ...How??? "

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29. i think we'll start by having everyone hold their breath...

Then, at precisely noon GMT, we'll all start chanting "Goo"!
That will generate such a force-field all across the planet that...

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30. Ah, EXCUSE ME, DAD!

and tantalizing ghost woman...You gotta be kidding...do you really think that anybody's gonna want to get "Goo-ey"???? I know for a fact, at least a very large portion of the female members of the planet will be be going "GAGA" over Pirates 4 this weekend, Hello??? All my girlfriends cream their jeans when Johnny Depp arrives in the theaters!!! You two- YOU TWO -I mean really, you seem to be from another planet!"

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31. O Hell will Johnny Depp

we need more than a cream-jeans party here! The world is spinning out of control and all you can think of is some filthy Pirate!
What are YOU going to do when your house starts to slip into the great divide? Huh?

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32. Note to authors: try as I might, I can't think of anything to rescue

this one from the cesspool. :rofl:

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33. Well then, I guess we'll just have to enjoy he next

25 years! :popcorn:

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34. But something seemed to really dawn on the young Starkling,

and he realized he was selfish, had never seen his father so mad, well there was that one time when he accidentally knocked over the telescope that wobbled on the tripod near the pool room, but this was different. He looked up and the room started to go dark...

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35. But something seemed to really dawn on the young Starkling,

and he realized he was selfish, had never seen his father so mad, well there was that one time when he accidentally knocked over the telescope that wobbled on the tripod near the pool room, but this was different. He looked up and the room started to go dark...

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36. He had passed out,

from too much wodka.:crazy: :silly: :boring: :spray:

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37. And then a mist fell over the woods...

And Prof. Starkling, stepped out onto the violet veranda. Although concerned for David, he decided to let him be and move on...

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38. And he mumbled to himself

"All that work! Who decided to paint that thing Violet!" Oh well... He wandered down the well-known path from his youth and thought of the recent events. Confused, not knowing what to do, letting his son sleep off his stupor. He thought he might take a walk into town.
It was a short walk into the quaint little artist town. He wandered into one of his favorite antique shops. Milling around for a while, he came upon a small ceramic icon of a little man that reminded him of one of his old professors when he studied at Cal Tech.
Astronomy was the subject and his old Prof was named Willard. Prof Willard had made a name for himself by inventing....

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39. A funny little contraption,

that everyone just assumed was a tiny, portable personal cooling fan, when in fact, it was, when the blades were spinning at the high speed mode, a solid vibrating vortex that allowed the user to hum with it in different Mz's that led to quantum jumping which of course led to the kind of enlightenment and power everyone on Earth was in awe of...

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40. Just to think, two AAA batteries

could do all that. I mean, isn't in mankinds best interest to find a way off of this planet instead of enjoying the one we have?
What have you done Prof. Willard. Why couldn't you just have the thing keep us cool? Isn't that the problem anyway; everyone's too hot!?

All of the scientific thought that is so wasted! What about telling stories around the campfire and smoking peace-pipes. Long gone are the days when you could tell the difference between the AC and the DC? Are they not? I mean who needs a CPU with its own Coke-holder anyway?

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41. Ahh, but Starkling clearly digressed....

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42. I just can't take it anymore

and he packed up, and headed for the Burning Man Festival.

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43. And so, the wizard named Starkling

entered the Festival, found a clearing and walked into the forest much like the baseball players in "Field of Dreams" and simply...vanished!

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44. Thank God that's over. The end

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45. Well I for one, had fun!

Such imagination You/ya'll have!

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46. Well, when God was passing out "imagination"

He/She must have spent hours at your cubicle! :hug:

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47. I Love you, too!

Okay now I'm gettin misty...and it was most definitely a SHE BTW!

I mean, OF COURSE God is a Woman!!!!

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48. I severely doubt it.

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49. Why is God NOT a woman???

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50. God is beyond sexual orientation

God is all things
we tend to anthropomorphize, don't we?
he certainly isn't a man either, now, you feel better? :rofl:

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51. HAHA!

I thought about this while away, and throughout the day, I was convinced you were going to render a truly serious soul splitting answer! But true to your character, you surprised me again!

Basically, I do agree with you however...

My second thought had to do with how the consensus (for all of us anyway) is that Gaia is returning to the Divine Feminine. :bounce: :hi:

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52. It had better

the Men sure have screwed up this place good :hi:

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53. Bingo!

HAHA! Well, they can't all be fantastically spiritual and cosmically inspiring like you, right??

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54. I don't know who's what (thank you)

but WE had better link hands, all of us, and get this place together. What a marvelous planet. They should just let ASAH in charge, eh? :bounce:

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55. Best idea in a long time!

Must be an inspiring time for Capricorns?