Help, thoughts here? Family saga. Progress????

[elleng]

Had had a fine time at daughter #1's Wedding Shower Sunday.(Wedding is September 2.) She's 26, lives in NJ near Philly. I live in DC area near daughter #2, with whom I drove up. She's 22. Also enjoyed brief interlude at #1 + her fiance's apartment after Shower, saying good bye. Enjoyed most of morning in car yesterday chatting w #2 about party, her feelings about it, about having been anxious about her role and how she would be received by other bridesmaids (who largely live in Jersey near #1 and see her regularly,) about her relationship w #1 which leaves much to be desired. They're both, I'd say, in very different ways, emotionally 'fragile.' #2 + her guy appear to be working thru her 'issues.'

#1 told me recently that she was, and later had been, angry w her fiance due to wedding-related things he hadn't done. She's taken a lot of the preparation stuff to herself, and its a big wedding, lots of details and lots of room for misunderstandings and mishaps. She'd spent a weekend at a hotel, so upset was she.

I briefly mentioned to fiance, when #2 and I arrived at apartment before Shower, that in light of #2's recent upset, I'd brought a few tablets of my 'anxiety' med w me (generic Xanax) to help her along. He said he wouldn't want her to have any (didn't tell him the name, didn't recall it.) He's a social worker type, works with recently released people, I think, so knows about meds. He said there are too many potential side effects. I said, 'ok,' and dropped it. He also said they'd worked through her emotional stuff. I said 'good'. He's good at such and thats good 'cause she'll need him for such, I think.

At the Shower, which was lovely, #1 very pleasant w all, even 'maids' about whom #2, and maybe #1, were unsure re: reliability and true friendship.

Family members were there, that is, fiance's's family, Jersey 'natives,' and #1's good friend Carol, who is mother of #1's flower girl for whom #1 has 'sat' since Angelina was 9 months old. Yesterday was her 5th birthday. Carol is also mother to new baby girl, don't recall name, Angelina's sister, for whom #1 also sits. This is #1's job while attending school for Masters in Occupational Therapy. Obviously #1 and Carol's family are very close, and one of Angelina's grandmother's said they couldn't do it without #1.

I mentioned to Carol, whom I had met before, that, as I'm at such a distance, I'd like to hear about any things I might do for #1, due to her actual burdens as well as emotional issues. She said she'd ask #1 for my # so we could be in touch, as I didn't have a pen at the time.

SO in the car returning home w #2 yesterday, after good conversation w #2, she received message from #1, #2 asks me if I've received texts from #1. I hadn't noticed, checked, and had received 3, ANGRY that I had talked w Carol, apparently under impression much of my conversation w Carol was re: #1's 'emotional' stuff. The converation w Carol had lasted maybe 2 minutes, and was basically, 'Let me know if you think I can help in any way.' #1 angry 'cause Carol is her employer, #1's in charge of Carol's kids. (Obviously Carol knows #1 better than almost anyone, so I certainly wasn't telling her anything about #1's emotional situation she wasn't already aware of.)

SO, #2 very angry w me as I'd been in touch w her guy Bren few months ago about #2's emotional situation; HE had informed me, I spoke w #2's doctor,, who erroneously/foolishly told her that I had done so. Bren and I concerned she might be bi-polar. AND #2 then gets into how I'm at fault and don't admit it re: my relations w their father, w whom I'm separated, I left after he hit me after a long period of emotional abuse. But #2 goes and on and on and on about my fault, failure to admit it. I drop #2 off; she says, 'don't contact me.'

We were thinking #2'd join me this coming Friday for #1's presentation of her Master's project. Not sure whether I'm welcome now for that w #1, want to text her re: "Sorry about confusion, my intention was to offer help in her various projects/burdens, NOT to suggest she's emotionally unstable, sounds like a misunderstanding." I have no intention to apologize for trying to help my daughters, but I hate confrontation. At the moment they're good at dishing it out. Tempest in a teapot?

No good deed goes unpunished.

Thanks for listening.

P.S., #1 Aquarius, 1/22/85, DC, 8:15 P.M., #2 Cancer, 6/27/88, DC, 8:15 A.M., me, Aqu, 2/4/45, NYC, 2:30 PM?

[japple]

1. Wow!! What a turmoil. I hope you feel better now after releasing

all of this to words.

I ask the Universe to surround your family at this stressful time. May you find the paths to communication, understanding and peace.

[elleng]

2. Thank you, japple.

Felt somewhat better after writing it, but anxiety still hanging around as really want to decide what to say to #1; feel I should do this soon.

:hi: